Monday, July 28, 2008

What I Did Yesterday

Wrote a fucking awesome utility for finding expired domain names with high value links. Paid for itself within 10 minutes of finishing it.

A great day.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

What I've Done Today

9am - Turn up in the office, get plugged into the Matrix, turn up headphones.

9:03am - Start advertising campaigns that were paused over night. Don't want to lose money whilst I'm sleeping!

9:04am - Open tracking software and refresh to see if my newly started campaigns have made any money yet, a tad optimisistic maybe.

9:05am till 9:50am - Hit refresh a lot, not make any money. Surely hitting refresh every minute will make me more money? Hit refresh faster damn you.

9:50am till 10:45am - Bored of refreshing I write a huge blog post about a new ad network I started using last week. Won't get any feedback though until America wakes up in a few hours.

10:45am till 11:57am - Hit refresh lots more times, answer a support e-mail from somebody who is far too stupid to ever be allowed to use a computer.

11:58am - Answer a personal e-mail, begin a debate over who is better Google or Mircosoft

12:00pm till 2:20pm - Emails going backwards and forwards as a mate and I bait each other over the various benefits brought to the world by both Microsoft and Google. I argue in favour of Google, well just cos. I refresh my stats lots, still make no money.

2:21pm till 2:44pm - Write one final big email, forget stats whilst I concentrate. Just before posting I check stats and discover I've just lost a load of money in the last 20 minutes. Damn you bastard internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:45pm till 15:10pm - Add a load of keywords researched yesterday to a clients advertising campaign. They all look good, very pleased.

15:11pm - Refresh stats, lost more money. Give up for today.

Yep, this online life, it's certainly all rock and roll. Lost money, debated nada and had to bite my tongue answering some useless twat. Here's hoping tomorrow is a little more productive.

MacKenzie - My Daughters A Chav

Number one daughter went on 3 day school trip to Manchester earlier this week. They were staying in the Trafford Centre so a big part of the trip was shopping.

She's come back with a suitcase full of MacKenzie clothes, never heard of this brand (I'm getting old so shove it) so I decided to have a look on the net and turned up this:-

Once all the chav and chavettes have greeted each other in the usual manner (i.e. wos up blood or yo yo yo) they congregate in the foyer of Sainsbury's. Each one taking it in turns to either sit in the baskets, be in the competition to see exactly how many chavs you can fit in one Postman Pat kids ride or how many times can you really wind up the security guard or trolley boy.

The most common chav attire is:

Von Dutch
Le Coq Sportif
Henry Lloyd

For fucks sake!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

BEWARE - Feral Kids On The Loose

I hate where we live, not the Isle of Man, not even Douglas in particular, just our own little bit of Douglas. Every time I go into and out of the local shop I hold the door for other people, don't think I've ever heard anybody say thank you or hold a door in return once. I'm not posh, not a snob, I was brought up on a similar kind of estate just in a different town for fucks sake. It pisses me off, I was brought up to be polite and with basic social manners. Even just walking to the shop after 7pm is like walking through a mine field, you never know what you're going to have to face. Be it kids trying to kick balls through the local school windows or shit faced dole scummers who have managed to stumble from the pub to the shop, mainly because they want a scrap and don't want to get barred from the pub. There's a debate in our house every time somebody has to go because we forgot to get something when in town. Usually I lose.

Take last night for example, we needed a few bits so I took a wander to the shop at about 7:30. As I walked through the kids park there was a group of lads ahead, all about 12 or 13. As I got closer I could see what they were doing, they were throwing biscuits on the ground to attract Seagulls and then throwing rocks at them! Seagulls are a pain in the arse I know, but it is illegal to kill one. IF you're going to throw stuff at them at least do it away from where people can see and especially try not to throw bloody big lumps of rock where people are walking. They didn't stop until I got about 5 yards away. I don't think they would have stopped at all unless I told them (to much muttering under breath). I was no sooner past them when they started again. I didn't have much time to dwell though because around the next corner I was greeted by a couple of my daughters friends....smashing some goal posts into a lamp post and fence! Did they stop? Did they bollacks? All I got was a "Hiya L's dad!" Now I was never a perfect kid, far from it. But I would never ever have dared to vandalise stuff not only in public view but right in front of one of my friends parents. It's just plain stupid and totally arrogant. It's that whole "well what are you going to do about it attitude". I know the correct PC approach with kids like these is to buy them some even more expensive trainers and send them of to Disney Land for a week (that'll teach em). But I'm more inclined to go down the get a grip of them, drag them home to their parents where I get a load of abuse and told to fuck of and mind my own business from whichever random bloke is living there this week who I then flatten (in the process of explaining about controlling your kids) and for the pleasure recieve a Police caution. I imagine that in the current environment (and 8 years more mature) I'd probably be more than cautioned so on my way home from the shops, fearing exactly what will end up happening when I turn the corner and still see the lads stoning Seagulls I decide to take the long way home. Not a decision I'm proud of but what exactly are you supposed to do?

Just to top of the evening well we got a knock on the door at 9:45. The wife was cozy on the sofa watching TV, I was finishing some holiday washing, our daughter was in bed. It's a school night so that means in at 9 o'clock, she is allowed to stay up late if there's something on TV like "America's Next Top Singing Starfish" and she wants to watch it with her mum otherwise it's bed time. Anyhoo, stood at the door, in the pissing rain, with no coats on, soaked through, at 9:45, on a school night, is 2 of her friends wondering if she's coming out? She'll probably get teased now for being in bed and not being allowed to roam the streets. What chance do we have? I mean what chance do we have of being able to bring kids up if most of the parents where you live just don't give a fuck? There has been a couple of generations now of kids brought up with no discipline, where you can't smack them, teachers can't tell them off, the Police can't do much in case they get sued, whose parents would rather be in the pub at night and leave them to wander and it clearly doesn't work. I'm fucking sick of it. New. House. Please.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Just back from Vegas, had an excellent time.The whole place is like buying a great big TV. The scale of it makes you go WOW for at least a couple of days.... then you start to get used to it. Only problem is that it spoils you for life. Don't know if I'll able to stay anywhere now that doesn't clean your room at least twice a day, have a feckin huge casino beneath you and provide free drinks whilst you have a bit of a game of poker or whatever you fancy. Comes highly recommended, everybody was really nice, was brilliant to be on holiday somewhere where they appreciate it and aren't just out to fleece you. Couldn't get over the quality of the customer service.


Flying over the edge and into the Grand Canyon in a helicopter that reminded me a bit of AirWolf.

Being driven around in a stretch Limo by a driver called "Big" Ron who looked just how you'd expect a mafia security/driver to look.

The all you can eat $11 Island Buffet. Who'd have thought that Mash, Steak, Rice, Coconut coated shrimps and sweet and sour chicken would go so well together? Nothing else to say, does what it says on the tin.

Watching the Mac King comedy/magic show. Was great to watch a magician and wonder how the hell he was doing it. Paul Daniels he wasn't.

The Vegas hotels! F'in huge. Each one was like a theme park in it's own right. They get a bit samey after a while but for the first few days you can't believe you're walking around inside. Especially in the Venetian where we went on a Gondola ride. Took 20 minutes just to walk from 1 side of the hotel to the other.

Prices. Everything seemed cheap. Even the expensive things when you divide by 2 into sterling were cheap.

Bad points:-

The number of dinks. It was like the entire populations of China and Japan had decided to turn up armed with at least 3 cameras each. It made getting around a royal pain in the ass.

Ugly women. For every good looking chick there were at least 50 munters. I was expecting all the girls working in the casinos to be stunners, damn you Hollywood!

Whooping frat boys. Cocks.

The heat. We topped out at about 116 degrees. Was a bit like opening the door to the fan oven and trying to breath a lot of the time. After a few days we got used to it though and were strolling around like locals when it went down to 106.

The irony of the entire holiday being that after spending a week walking around in 100+ heat and eating cheap diner/restaurant food from places called Fat Burger my guts stayed in excellent condition. Couple of hours back and feeling hungry after 24 hours of travelling I order a rip-off kebab from Flamming Great and now I've got the screaming shits. It's good to be home.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Hancock - half a great film!

A surprise last night as B bought tickets for us to go watch Hancock at the local cinema. The Broadway Villa (probably the only state run cinema in the Western world - owned, as it is, by the Manx Government) - has all the appeal of someone's front room - but we got great seats and settled in (sans popcorn :( ) for a movie that has been successfully hyped through Sky Movies specials.

The movie starts off well - the ever likeable Will Smith as a drunken superhero causing loadsa damage when he gets involved in heroic duties. He's not the smartest superduder - but it does make for excellent comedy moments with a train wreck and car chase and landing/taking off. There's even some Frenchie-bashing - which is never a bad thing.

The movie hurtles along at super-speed as Hancock reluctantly agrees to serve porridge and spends some quality time with guys that he put behind bars - rehabilitation not coming easy and he's called upon by the city during a particularly nasty bank robbery.

All good so far. Throw in some yuk-yuk's, more special effects - introduce a big baddy and 'wallah' - fun-time family superhero movie! Unfortunately, around mid point of the movie - the whole storyline swerves, derails like a previous traincrash and comes to a messy, pointless second half that jars the superherodic nature and just doesn't fit together at all.

I'll not spill the silly 'turning point' midway thru the film - if you've seen it, you know. However, I will tell you what this film has suffered - and it lands slap back in the lap of the screenwriters. This movie suffers from the precise anal following of 'The three-act structure'.

From the introduction within 3 minutes where you know the faults of the hero and what he has to overcome, to the inciting incident that will lead to his first 'plot point' (jail time) and starting Act 2. Up to and including the 'mid-point' half way thru the film that turns the whole movie in (a supposed) new and exciting direction.

Ugh. Yuck. Hancock and the three act structure. How not to write a movie. Perhaps it was being polished in needing of shooting before the scriptwriters strike last year. Perhaps they rolled in a barrell full of monkeys and told em to finish the script, tacking a big 3-act structure sheet on the wall in front of them.

Anyhoo. Hancock is half of a great film. Excellent stuff, so long as you set your watch for one hour into the movie and get up and leave at that precise moment. Sure, you won't know how it ends. But your imagination'll fill in the gaps and you'll be a happier camper for it.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Money: Who needs it?

We were clearing out the cupboard that we throw all the bank statements, tax stuff, receipts etc in when I came across Pay Slips from 8 years ago.
It fired home that I was earning more then than I am now.
That is the life of the Civil Servant, to be Under Paid, and Over Worked. It upset me for a second, till I thought; BOLLOCKS. So what? I’m happier now than I was then. My job is REALLY easy, and the people I work with are all OK.
Plus nobody earns as much as they think they should.
Nobody gets enough pay
Everybody just spends as much as they earn.

Put it this way, if I was earning £200 or £1000 a week, I would still end up spending it all.
So all in all I am very very Happy.
Money who needs it?
Life will Provide!