Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Secret To A Good Nights Sleep

Work stress, tick. Home stress, tick. Family stress, tick. The end result is weeks, maybe even a couple of months without a decent nights sleep. That was until last night, all you need is beer.

Five or six pints, put the world to rights and then sleep like a baby, only trouble is I slept in till midday so that's even more work stress now! Never mind, at least I'm not feeling tired anymore.

Friday, August 22, 2008

When I Rule The World..

...the first thing I'm going to decree is that anybody who feels that a phone call is more important than the life and limb of those around them should have their ears removed by coating them in sugar and letting mules chew them off.

No less than three of the cunts stopped right in front of me yesterday, one of them slamming on the anchors in the right hand lane not only causing me to skid to a halt but also blocking anybody coming the other way. The stupid 4x4 bint then calmly talked on her phone for a good 3 or 4 minutes before setting of again (Car A in my excellent diagram). Apparently turning on your hazard warning lights makes it ok. I have never ever ever ever felt like hurting somebody so much. You selfish, stupid, retarded, fucked up in the head, if brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off uber-cunting bitch.

Here's a life saving tip for you, if your phone rings when you're driving, ignore it. If it's important they'll either phone back later or I shit you not, phones actually store missed numbers and you can call them back. Just a thought.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Manx Myths Number 1

Don't Buy Online, IF Something Goes Wrong You'll Have to Pay to Have it Sent Back, You're much Better Of With A Warranty From A Local Store

Much spewed bullshit from the local traders who expect us to put up with the average 40%-100% mark-up that they decide to put on everything. I recently bought a new TV, I knew which model I wanted and did a lot of research on the net to find the best price. Because of stock shortages online I ended up taking a wander around the local shops (MEA, Waltons, Colebourns). Whilst there I looked at a number of TV's, the average mark-up was about 60% over the best price online. On a £1800 TV that's a shit load. When I asked about this I was told the local warranty, cost of courier bullshit. It was the same in 2 shops, it's like they've got together to compose a speech for ripping of mugs. I was in a buying mood so decided to ask if they actually had any knowledge of ANY online retailers that require you to stump up for the cost of a return. Funnily enough they didn't.

I've been buying stuff online for years, I've bought quite literally tonnes of electrical items, clothes and everything in between. Over that time I've had to do my fair share of returns and without fail it follows the same pattern. Phone up, get sent a return label, box it, apply label and have courier pick it up. The only hassle in any of this is having the courier actually turn up to pick it up (you usually give up and bring it to their warehouse yourself). It costs nada. If you do happen to come across a site that wants to charge you for returns then don't buy, go somewhere else, the great thing about the internet is that there is choice.

Another thing that gets on my tits is the repair thing. You know, you'll have it back quicker. If it's something electrical and modern then chances are they are going to have to send it away for repair anyway, just the same as you would. Also, shopping locally you get the after sales support of being able to go in and speak about what've you've just bought. Like shopkeepers are experts in every product they sell. Yes of course they are. My own choice would be to phone the support of the people who actually made the bloody thing and are being paid solely to know about that.

There are probably good reasons for buying local, enjoying browsing and being able to get credit on some items that you couldn't online being two. Is it worth paying twice the price of online for, I dunno? But the whole warranty, convenience, repair myth is a load of bullshit.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Low Maintenance Kids

My mum and dad split up when I was 11 years old, my big brother was 16, my little brother was 7. I say they split up but in reality it was the beginning of a process that took nearly 4 years to get sorted, during that time my mum was a complete mentalist (she was the cause of the split). She couldn't decide what she wanted, dad moved out and us kids were left to get on with it whilst my mum concentrated on "dating" on and off the bloke from next door. It didn't really bother my big brother that much, he was big enough and old enough to get on with his own thing. For me and my little brother things were very different, stuck between parents who grew to not be able to stand the site of each other very quickly. When the hard choices had to be made, who to live with, for me there was no choice. My mum had all but abandoned us to go after what she wanted, we were left to clean, cook and do everything for ourselves. My younger brother was barely in double figures. I can still remember my dad sitting us down with tears in his eyes and telling us that it would be best if we stayed with mum, his food skills were basic at best, washing clothes and house work was never a priority with him. We were still at school and it would be for the best. Screw that! There was no way I was ever going to stay somewhere where I wasn't welcome. I'd rather eat raw gammon steak somewhere I was welcome that beans on toast somewhere I wasn't any day. I had a hatred for my mum, not the sort of hatred that most teenagers have, this was a very grown up hatred of her for being the selfish bitch she was. My little brother (although he would never admit it now) was still like my little shadow back then and he was going wherever I was going. So me and him moved in with dad, leaving our big brother with mum. He always sided with her, I could never understand why.

After 6 months of living with my mum my brother decided he couldn't take it anymore and so wanted to move. Being ignored was not something my brother could stand. My dad sorted out a room for him and he moved in with us. We stayed that way for a couple of years, a real lads house, we had great fun. The domestics got taken care of in a round about way but we were always well turned out for school etc. We never really had much money but to be honest I was happy shooting, fishing and all those sorts of things. Whilst my friends were knocking around town in the £100 trainers, drinking cheap beer I'd be out on the boat fishing. Things would have been better if my big brother would have chipped in, he had a good office job but was living totally rent free. All his money was spent on himself.

Eventually my big brother settled down and got married. At the reception (always a difficult thing for a split family) he took the decision to have my mum and her boyfriend on the top table whilst my dad was sat with some of my mums family and us. Even today I can't understand the logic behind it. After all he'd done for him, my brother still decided to do that, wanker.

Jump forward 5 years and I find out the truth of why my brother is such a mummy's boy. My mum and I have found a level of peace with each other. My big brother was actually adopted by my dad, in a twist of fate that put our lives on such a similar playing field that I had no idea about. My dad had gone through almost an identical adoption battle as I went through with my daughter. He'd brought M up as his own to the point where me and S had no idea. Even after spending years of his life bringing him up, having his mum cheat and leave him my dad had still done what was best for my big brother. I was puzzled by why he hated my mum quite soo much at the time, at that exact moment where my mum spurted it out to me whilst she was drunk I knew exactly where the hatred in my dad came from. Never mind understand it, I could share it.

My dad is now married again and happy with his new wife. She has a grown up family, 3 boys in their late 30's, 40's. She dotes on them, they are still like little kids to her and it means my dad spends a lot more time with her family than he does with us. You see my mums actions made us all fiercely independent, well 2 of us anyway. I was living on my own by the time I was 18, only to have my younger brother move in with me eventually. My big brother lives on the other side of the island with his wife, close to her family. I'm now married and living close to my wife’s family, it's just the way things go. My big brother can't accept this though. He thinks my dad should "still" be popping around at weekends or something. He's busy, we're all busy. My brother now has no time for my dad, he will drive past his house every other week to go and see my mum. If I'm around that neck of the woods I make a point of dropping in, even though I might only see them 3 or 4 times a year. I usually phone my dad if I need something manual doing, he's the person I phone if I need something. My mum is the opposite, she phones me. 99% of the time it's because something has gone wrong with either her or somebody she knows computer. I don't mind though, even with all that has gone on, I do most of what I can to live an easy life.

So what was the point of the longest blog post of all time? Well next week is my nieces birthday and I'll drive up to see my brother and drop a present off. The second set of words out of his mouth will be some sort of slagging of our dad. As it always is. The selfish selfish cunt. One day I will lose my temper and set him straight. Not this time though, I'll not tell him that the first question out of our dad's mouth every time I see him is "Have you heard anything from M?" (Not "How's things?") or that he's been around 4 times (it's way out of his way) but nobody is ever in. It's hardly a 5 minute trip either, as things go it's about a big a trip as you can make without driving into the sea. That's 3 times more than my dad has come to see me and my family this year. Why dad feels any guilt I don't know, but he does. Why M think he deserves special treatment I don't know, but he does. All I do know is that it twists my melon, and the great news is that Christmas is approaching fast. That’s when it all gets really fun.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Ammmmmerrriccaaa , Fuck Yeah!

I love America me! It's the way they spread their "culture" around the world via the bastard Disney channel, cool as fuck they are.

Take my daughter for example, she now thinks it's normal to have a huge, no expense spared birthday party when you turn 13, after all you're only 13 once. A normal party will not suffice, you need hundreds of guests and the sort of venue normally reserved for top end wedding receptions. They are 13 after all so I suppose we're meant to lay on complimentary lines of coke as well? I wonder where she got this idea from? Cunts.

Why Are Buses So Fucking Expensive?

I was up and away early this morning, far too much work to do. I've been getting a lift of the wife recently but wanted to start work before 8, that was a definite no go so it had to be the bus.

It's about a 2 mile ride, would be a bit shorter if it went from A to B in anything like a straight line but it doesn't, it goes around the houses stopping every 100 yards, we don't want people to have to walk too far do we? Anyway the price of this 15 minutes of joy is £1. Use it to and from work every day and that's............(carry the 2).... £10 a week. It's a 2 mile journey. Or 20 miles for the week. It costs £10. Why the fuck does it cost £10 to travel 20 miles on a stinking piece of shit bus?

Our car does roughly 35-40mpg. So even with the starting and stopping we are going to easily use less than a gallon of petrol. Going with a nice extortionate £1.25 a litre that's roughly £5.60 (for the full gallon) to do the same trip in the car and in comfort. Not only that but it gets much worse if you think that there are 2 of us heading for work each day. If we both got the bus that would be £20 a week, or nearly 4 times what it costs to go to work in the car*. It's not even like the buses are adding anything to the experience, they usually stink and they are always slower than driving. Why would anyone want to pay at all to get on a bus, never mind paying more than it costs to drive?

Just to show how shit this situation is the lads and I went for a beery day out to Ramsey the other month. It was £2.50 per person each way, so £20 all in for the 4 of us. Driving to Ramsey and back is about 30 miles or as I prefer to think about it, £4.20 worth of petrol. IF we could find a designated driver that £15 could have gone in to the drinks kitty. Not ever likely to happen but it proves the point, if you had a friend who doesn't drink. Yeah I know the bus driver has to be paid and the bus has to be serviced and tax and yadda yadda but still, I don't care about that. We have a car anyway, if anybody wants people like us to stop using it for work then they'd better come up with something a little bit better than the current bus situation.

The real "thick as pig shit" thing that makes all this even worse is that our bus service is still running a loss. So they are over charging and running at a loss.

So either:-

1. Not enough people use the buses to pay for them
2. There are too many buses on the roads
3. The bus staff are being paid too much

It's the Isle of Man, there's no way that the staff wages are going anyway but up, any attempt to reduce the service will be met by the screeching blue rinse brigade (Another fucking rant just waiting to happen). That only leaves the option of trying to get more people on them, well that's not going to happen as long as it's more expensive to get on a bus than it is to drive.

* I'm not going in to parking, the wife has a free park. I've had free parks with the majority of the places I work as well. If you do have to pay to park, unlucky, that's another huge rip-off where the numbers don't add up either.