Sunday, September 28, 2008

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Fat Bastards Breaking Cash Machines

Why is it that every time I queue behind some morbidly obscene fat knacker at the cash point they break it? Do really fat people have a special talent for breaking the hole in the wall or is it just fat fingers confusing the electronics? Either way a solution needs to be found urgently.

What Financial Crisis?

I was watching the BBC news this morning and they were doing a sterling job of explaining the current banking difficulties.

From what I can gather it all comes down to a lack of confidence resulting in the banks being unwilling to lend money, what's the problem here?

I was brought up with the notion that being in debt was wrong. Even worse borrowing more to sort out your debt is never a solution. You want nicer things? Get another job, ask for a pay rise, work harder, save. If the banks aren't willing to lend money to people who can't afford it then surely that is a good thing?

Same goes for businesses. I thought the first rule of business 101 is watch your cash flow. Money in before money out. You shouldn't have to borrow except for when you want to expand quickly, a shrinking economy wouldn't be a time for expansion anyway so I take it the businesses that want to borrow just have bad cash flow? If they can't get that most basic part of business right then I woulnd't want to lend them money either!

I can understand it being a crisis if suddenly everybody's current debt repayments tripled overnight (which I don't think they have?) but just not being able to borrow even more, I just don't get it? I MUST have this all wrong, obviously I'm stupid and don't understand economics at all but I don't understand where the crisis is in not being able to borrow.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Characterture Artists: Bastards

Have you ever met such low life’s?

They sit there in the middle of the street all pompous and twatish waiting for the next victim.

Some self conscious individual sits down as they want a memento of their time in the big city and everyone is egging them on.

So this “Artist” or piss taking bullying twat as they prefer to be called begins their ritual humiliation of subject.

They find anything that the person may feel insecure or even suicidal about and enlarge it by 10 whilst the gathered crowd just laugh and point.

You can here the whispers, “Christ he has got sticky out ears, I hadn’t noticed till this umber perceptive street artist pointed out the error of my ways, how can that poor bloke live with himself, freak”

All the while they give you that sit there and take it bitch look.

You are then expected to hand over £30 and smile, rush home and put the dam thing above the fireplace to allow all your visitors to laugh at you in the one place you would normally feel safe.

I put it to you: Artist or Degradation Terrorist?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Is Halo 3 a Good Teaching Aid or Bad Parenting

Daniel and I have just finished the Campaign on Halo 3, and he often plays it when there is nothing left to do; as for some reason it never stops raining.

Is this bad parenting on my behalf or is he learning valuable skills for life?

I mean he is gaining:
1. Eye Hand Co-ordination
2. Team Playing
3. Advance to contact skills
4. Sniper skills
5. Military vehicle skills
6. Computer Skills
7. Parental bonding

I don’t mean he’s on it all the time, but the last week it was fair bit. We did spend 2 hours messing on the beach last Saturday in the Wind and Rain (we were soaked to the skin and cold, but happy)

So am I bad parent or ground breaking educator?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

White Van Man

The local Police, known as the Mickey Mouse police to those in the know. They're not exactly very pro-active to put it lightly.

Take this van for example. Every morning it comes and parks on the zig-zags of a pedestrian crossing where it stops for half an hour. It's a pain in the hole, he conveniently parks it in just the right place that it completely blocks the view of traffic approaching and people wanting to cross the road. Every morning the same. Most mornings there is some sort of incident where either somebody crossing has gambled or a car has approached too fast without being able to see. There is a real somebody getting hurt accident waiting to happen. It's bone idle, there are dozens of parks within a 30 second walk, he's just a lazy twat.

The annoying part (other than White Van Man) is that less than 200 yards down the road is one of the main police stations on the island. All they'd have to do is look out the bloody window.

It's hardly the biggest offence in the world really but it's just a little example. It would take 2 minutes for somebody to nip out and tell him to shift it.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Killer Seagulls

The Isle of Man have developed a rare bread of Seagull that targets humans as for food. All attempts at driving them away have failed, DO NOT COME TO THE ISLE OF MAN (Like there is much danger of that)

Killer Gulls
Have they never heard of shotguns? A nice long barrelled (31"-32") shotgun for a tight grouping, BB or AAA shot. Not that I would ever do such a thing but just say if at any point in the past farmers were having problems with black backed gulls preying on lambs if I wanted to get rid of them that's the route I would have gone. I would guess that the gulls would pretty soon come to associate humans with death rather than a free lunch. If scraggy arsed shite hawks are now sitting above us on the food chain then something has gone very wrong with the world.