Thursday, April 27, 2006

Blog Post

I was only in work for an hour yesterday, I had an IT seminar in the morning, and then I was babysitting in the afternoon (we went swimming). So I had no time for Blogging, well no time to post, I did catch up on my daily blogs. Luckily, Ady & Mike stepped up to the mark.

Last night the lads went for a few beers at Bar George, which I must admit I am getting sick of now. The Bushy’s bitter tasted weak and watery, so for our next sojourn out in two weeks time (next week is a Halo Night) we’ll have to try some where different.

In other news, Lewis came a distinguished second in his Spoken Word tournament, mega well done to him.

That’s it.

Oh here is the ideal gift for the man in your life, or for any man.,,30100-13520716,00.html

Later Days

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wikipedia (the dogs knob)

I look at Wikipedia every day and like to look at the Articles of the Day, just to expand the breadth of my huge intelelekt, so to speak.

Anyway, there was an entry on some Ancient Roman Emperor (or something historical). So I clicked on it and the page appeared. Except it was just full of pictures of knobs. Not knobs from dirty movies, just regular mens willies not doing much at all. Dozens of them.

No text, no information, just knobs.

The unfortunate page remained in place for many hours; I wonder how many millions of people saw it and were horrified/aroused/angered/cheered? (delete as appropriate)

Ah, those were the days.


Personalising your Google Home page is now jam packed full of options it'll have you scrolling down the page for half your lunchbreak (yeah – right. Like any of us surf during lunch! The lunch hour is a precious 70 minutes for you to get away from the desk and escape the hell that is your desk and it's immediate environment. Save your surfing for work hours).

From your Internet slang translator to webcam to loads of news services to free text services to Dilbert to the binary clock to Shakespearian insulter to Halo2 level indicator to Motley Fool to any webcam to games. Oh my.

So – I'm glad to be back. Ady “Google” Hall.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Internet Explorer 7

After having seen that Microsoft has made Internet Explorer 7 (IE7) available for download, I decided to have a go.

Internet Explorer 7 Download

So far I am impressed, however, that is probably because it looks almost identical to Firefox that it’s hard to tell which one you are using. They have stolen everything that made Firefox the fantastic browser it is.

But IE7 is nice looking and I have only just started playing with it. Plus there are a few extras, and I suppose you have to remember it is only a beta test at the moment.


For some reason I was completely knackered all day yesterday, just dog tired. I couldn’t even raise a witty remark when my boss said, “Every time I walk past, you are on the Internet”. So fucking what I thought, pay me a bonus or get me on my training course and I’ll show some interest in my job.

Anyhoo, it was a quiet night really, apart from the running around see parents. Then we had a huge Chinese meal whilst catching up on Desperate Housewives, ER and Bones.

Another quiet night as well today, the only highlight on the day is the fact I might miss the Gym as I have serious shin splints pains in my legs and I want to rest them for Rugby training which starts tomorrow evening. Timmy D are you going?

That’s it.

Monday, April 24, 2006


This is hilarious, but it needs sound, and I can’t watch it at work.

It’s a piss take of the Irish.

The Great Thespian

I mentioned that Lewis was in a play last Wednesday, as part of the Manx Festival of Plays. Well they had the results published on Friday Night and Lewis won an award, The Olga Grey Achievement Award for Outstanding Contribution”. To quote the Judges, to have only had one rehearsal and to give such a polished performance is outstanding for person of his age.

Well done, Lew, we are all very proud of you.

Now get out there, and get famous and earn loads of money to keep me in gadgets.

Well done fella

Weekend Roundup

Friday evening was a very quiet affair, Maxine relaxed in the bath and I relaxed with the ironing.

Saturday, Maxine spent virtually all day cleaning the house, and Daniel and I did various things around town, including the park. Then Daniel went to his grandmothers and Max & I went up to the Cat. We were looking forward to a Steak & Bake, but when we got there it was packed full of people watching some football match. So we had a quick drink and decided to go down Bar George. Luckily there was no football on and we settled down for the evening. For nibbles we had Sweet Potato Chips and sweet chilli dip, which is now my favourite snack ever. Unfortunately, I had a full bottle of Red to myself, and “may” have started a little argument, but since I can’t remember leaving the pub, I’ll pretend that didn’t happen.

We had just got home, and were half undressed when my Mum’s next door neighbour phoned. My mum had tripped and caught the edge of the bedroom door with her face as she fell. There was blood everywhere, luckily enough she didn’t knock herself out and managed to get next door. They rang me and I rang the Ambulance, which wasn’t easy as I was extremely coooooooooonted.

Anyway, the main thing is, is that she didn’t break anything, but has a lot of bruising and swelling around her face and she also hurt her hand as she fell. I think she was more embarrassed about getting everyone involved.

Sunday I went up to clean all the blood from the upstairs and made sure she was OK.

We then had a family trip to Silverdale to play in the park, go on the Carousel and the paddle boats. I think everyone enjoyed the day in the Sun.

That’s it really.

Which knee?

Manx people have this assumption that everything is better in bigger countries.

For example; my knee surgery. The guy who did mine is considered one of the very best surgeons on this continent. He does the surgery for many of the NHL Players etc. and I felt that he HAD to be better than the goons on the IOM.

However, I will say one thing for Dr. Green (of Nobles fame) as he did the same op. on my knee about 10 years back.

The Canuck put three half-inch holes in my knee, which currently have 6 stitches each and are surrounded by the kind of bruising normally shown on CSI murder victims.

Dr. Green did the same surgery with two miniscule holes which he glued shut and I had no bruising whatsoever.

Dr. Green may not be the best knee surgeon in the world (and may have an annoying Irish accent), but he certainly was delicate. And I like that in a surgeon.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Easter Round Up

Well we didn’t go anywhere or actually do much but it was a fantastic long weekend. It seemed to be a lot longer than the 4 days it was, probably as I was up so early everyday.

The highlight of the weekend, I suppose was buying the Guinea Pigs, who are officially called, Nemo & Boo, but collectively called “The Boyz”. Whilst cleaning them out on Sunday, Boo found a whole in the garden perimeter and ended up under the Decking, which could have been a nightmare. Luckily I didn’t panic, I just left a carrot near the entrance and he eventually showed up 20 mins later, just don’t tell the kids.

Apart from that, it was a lazy sunny weekend.

Lewis is in his play this evening, so we are all off to the Theatre to watch All My Sons. He met the rest of the cast this afternoon at 2.00pm and had his one and only rehearsal and then has the actual play tonight at 7.30pm. Fingers crossed that a) he remembers his lines and b) that the play is entertaining whilst he isn’t on stage.

The lads are popping round Thursday evening to play Halo, and talk shitte, and next Wednesday we are all meeting up again in Bar George. Hopefully Michael will be back from his 2 year extradition to Canada to join the party.

I noticed this weekend that my 11 year old son has the same size hands as me, which was a bit spooky. Either I have small girly hands, or Callum is going to be a big lad.

That’s it really, apart from the news that people are regularly having sex well up to their eighties… Well it’s good news for us oldies, and I’m sorry for the mental picture.

Plus this Story explains why every time I look at my wife I can’t make any decisions’.

In other news, Billy Bragg is playing on the Island next month. I used to really like Billy when I was in the Army and had a couple of his early Albums. Remembering that was back in 1988, which of course was a few years back. So I was half tempted to go and see him, but I can’t really be arsed and would rather spend the £15 on something else.

Later Days

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Egyptian Hierogliphes

So we've just got back from our 1 week "relaxing" break in Egypt and what a bloody experience that was. Apparantely Egyptian hospitality is world famous (according to the Egyption tourism department anyway), I think they've definately mixed up robbery and hospitality.

Within minutes of landing at Sharm el-Sheikh airport (which by the way has all the life of Ronaldsway on a miserable winter evening) we were being hassled, harrased and ultimately ripped off. We wanted visas which "should cost" £15 each, the Egyption "official" wanted 450 Egyption pound (ie from now on) which is not £45, close but still more. Pass through passport control and a baggage trolley is thrown in front of you, very nice you think except when the hand comes out and the bloke is demanding tips in English. He has cornered all the trolleys in the airport and this is the only way to get one. This is not a friendly happy experience but an aggressive, imtimidating really fucking annoying one. It's worth noting that there are literally dozens of security around at this point, all of them giving each other piggy backs and monkey scrubs! Anyhoo, we finally got outside of the airport and face the gauntlet of making our way to the coach. It's about 200 yards uphill to the coach park and the pavement is lined with people wanting to push your trolley. Will they take no thanks for an answer, will they bollacks, if you are elderly or struggling you may need a hand, we were fine but still the trolley was grabbed away from me twice and money was demanded. The only way to get rid of them is to say you have no money. One bloke even wanted money for stopping the coaches while we crossed the road, this road was a one way track with not a bloddy coach (you wouldn't even be able to get one down it) in sight yet still he stood there wanting "tips in English". By this point fuck off was about all I could manage. We got to the coach and I put the cases away, our rep is talking to some bloke who I presume is the driver, just as i'm finishing putting the hand luggage on he picks up S's bag and puts it on the cases, can you guess what is coming next? "Tips in English". Presuming this bloke was the driver (after all the rep was hugging and seemed very friendly with him), I gave him a pound, he then moved onto the next coach, hmmm I gues he wasn't the driver then? We've probably been in Egypt less than an hour at this point, we've not been left alone without people wanting money for maybe more than 1 minute. Everybody from the officials, security, and reps who are supposed to be there to welcome and look afetr you are on the make. That was our welcome to Egypt. I should mention that I was mentally prepared for Egypt (thanks to reading some guide books and websites) but with it all being quite friendly and good natured, it's really not. The pasengers on our coach all appeared a bit dazed and confused at what had just happened. I just had the red mist firmly in place and was ready to twat someone.

You can tell what a friendly place this is when you get to your hotel (the Cleopatra Tsokkos in our case), each is basically like a fort with high walls and security at each entrance. Outside of the few built up areas it is impossible to feel safe walking anywhere, even if you do risk it as we did a taxi will stop every thirty seconds meaning that it takes ages to get even a hundred yards down the road. Even though we had booked 2 rooms the hotel tried to offer us one room with 3 beds in it, we didn't realise that you had to barter for the accomodation you had paid for, "Welcome To Egypt!"

On our second day we ventured into Naama Bay with a ride in the hotel taxi. It later turned out that we were dropped of right in the outskirts of the actual tourist area we wanted to visit. We never made it that far. Within a few minutes we had been grabbed and taken into a little shop selling "authentic" Egyptian papyrus. There were people sleeping on the floor, clothes hanging up and Hassim the owner was really keen to lock the door get us some drinks and show us his art (yes he had hand drawn all this pictures). THREE HOURS later after we had gone through the picturs one by one twice, he had taken us to the cash point, we'd had free drinks we left with 2 pictures and a hole in our pocket for 450 ie (about £47). His starting offer was 2000ie for each picture so going by the tourist guide of one third of the starting price we thought we'd done ok (I guess the locals have also started reading these books). He did seem very nice and was certainly friendly enough even phoning the taxi to come and take us back to the hotel, still we knew we had been done but had no idea how much, boy we would find out later. One of the things he did say though was that Sharm el-Sheikh is only for tourists, there are no women, children or old people around. Young men come here to work and send money home. It is basically one great big tourist trap and has as much in common with Egyptian life as Douglas does. Another scary thing was that one of the blokes sleeping on his shop floor is studying at Cambridge, of all things bio-chemistry, now I wonder what that could be used for?

We spent most of the holiday by the pool really, there's not a lot I can say about the Hotel, if I started I could go on and on (it deserves a website all of it's own, like this - Sharm el Sheikh, Cleopatra Hotel) but lets just say we weren't overly impressed. Probably one thing worth saying is about the "mini-market" you see advertised in all the travel brochures, every hotel has one. This is not a shop to buy some bread, drinks and a packet of crisps as you might expect but is instead more shops selling papyrus and fake perfume actually attached to the hotel. The people running these are really aggressive (as I later found out they have to pay a premium to have their shops right in the tourists front yard). Our perfume seller was particularly nasty and a bit of a coont, he was trying to sell small jars of fake Channel for £30 a bottle! He got really upset when anybody said no to him and we heard from a few people who had bought just to escape his shop. On the way home we got talking to an irish couple who were followed back to their hotel room by one of the sellers in their hotel demanding that they give him money. They have a nasty habit of locking doors behind you in Egypt and it takes real skill to get out of there without buying something (or beiing ripped of as it should be called), fortunately S has a way with words and we were actually thrown out of our perfume shop, result! About the mini-markets, we have always travelled on the basis that what you forget you can get there, don't even think of doing this in Egypt unless of course you have forgotten cheap printed art and fake perfume.

There is one thing that Sharm has going for it, the coral reef. The Red Sea is well known as being a great diving area but the snorkelling from the beach is unbelievable. Tropical fish everywhere, this made the whole trip for us. That and L learning to swim out of her depth. I'll never forget S's face when she swam over the drop-off, where the reef meets the open sea. One second you are in water that would barely cover your knees if you stood up (100 yards from shore), the next you looking down at the sea floor 50 feet away. I guess this is what will keep people coming to Sharm and allow the locals to exploit and rip-off till their hearts content. Personally I think this place will fall on it's arse, everybody who we spoke to in the hotel, airport had been ripped of badly. I doubt if anybody we spoke to would ever go back, even with the fantastic reefs.

Nearly forgot, on our last day we went to a market to get some souvenires, it was a nice little shop that even had prices on things. We found papyrus art at the back, £2 a picture, we'd been done to the tune of £43 by our friend Hassim. Robbing b'stard coooonts!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Seems I'm not dead

So, it wasn't my last blog. Of course, this one might be. I might get run over by a bus. That would be strange as I'm currently confined to my couch.

Try saying Settee or Chesterfield in Canuckland. Actually don't. It's not worth it.

My operation seemed to go fine. I was waiting in the Operating Theatre holding area. I was so relaxed. I asked the nurse what was in my drip as it was working a treat. She said nothing, they hadn't given me any drugs yet.

I love hospitals and that whole General Anaesthetic thing. It's soooo mellow. It's a good thing I don't take drugs coz I'd be a total addict, I think they're ace. I love that bit just before you go under, that's what we should all strive for in our lives. Drug induced comas.

Anyway, I'm not dead.

And to prove I'm not totally anti-Canada, I have to say it was the friendliest most pleasant hospital I've ever been in. And two of the nurses were pretty hot. And one other was a total stunner. I kid you not.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Gene Pitney

It's Gene Pitney's funeral today.
His family wanted a coffin made from solid oak.
The carpenter said "well, that would take about week to build......

.....but I could make one in 24 hours from balsa"

My Last Ever Blog?

I can't remember if I'd mentioned this, but I'm having knee surgery today (13th).

Hopefully, it will go well.

However, if I die on the table, this will be my last ever blog.

I'd like to say, once and for all, that I don't like cheap toilet paper or cheap sellotape.

Why can't long haul aeroplanes be done in bunk bed style? If the seats were all horizontal, then you could stack people and everyone would get to lie down.

I don't like tipping. You fret all the way through your meal knowing you have to tip at the end. How about tipping at the start. A big tip means "do your very best preparing my meal" while a small tip means "please feel free to spit in my lasagne".

I think we should do away with cars altogether. Put tarpauling roofing over the roads and give everyone motorized rollerblades. We'd save energy and stop obesity in it's tracks.

Finally, could everyone please keep an eye on my life partner Shirley and our various sprogs? If she's looking hungry, give her some cheese or maybe a nice sponge cake.

Wish me luck

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

First Time Parents

Nice device. I might buy two.

First time parents eh? They're under the impression that their babe is made of porcelain and that no-one has ever been through it before.

My favourite myth is the one about not sleeping with your baby as you'll roll over and crush it. However, I'm pretty certain that millions of years of evolution will have weeded those people out. Sure enough, I used to wake up in all kinds of bizarre positions and with incredible neck ache, but my babies were always intact.

Note: Being out of your skull on smack/claret probably trumps evolution.

The AA Update

After trying to get through 10 times and being told, “Fucking Cooont can’t you see we’re up to our collective eye balls”, I finally actually got through to a Queue.

After waiting 45 mins on hold listening to cooonting Vivaldi, I finally got through to a real person (a nice Geordie Lass) who told me to ignore the letter as it crossed in the post with the details they were after.

What a waste of 45 mins. Coooonts the lot of them.

And whilst I have your attention; are they fucking serious:

How on earth can they prove it works?

I mean, I’ll buy almost any worthless gadget, but I’ll have to draw the line at this one.


I have literally done nothing at work for the last three weeks. It got to the point now that I can’t even be bothered to do the few little things I have to do, which makes me think it’s time for a change, especially as there is still no news on my MSCA course.

I really feel like a change, a whole new career. I wonder if Steve needs an apprentice, I’ve always wanted to be an apprentice, ever since watching Mickey Mouse and that broom that get’s water from the well.

What other options are there? I have my heavy goods licence, I could be a long distance lorry driver, however, the Isle of Man is only 32 miles long or short as it where, which means I’d be finished driving by 10.30am and have to take the rest of the day off.

I love ironing, but if I did it all day, would I still love it? Is there money in it?

What about the Spud U Like shop idea of Maxine’s? That would be good, although location would be extremely important, you would also need capital etc. Nope, just talked myself out of that.

Christ I don’t know… Can’t I just win the lottery for Christ sakes?

On an aside, has anyone caught Stacked on the Paramount channel? Pamela Anderson doing what she does best and it is surprisingly well written and acted. Just a fun program, which I highly recommend.

That should be it for today, more pointless posts tomorrow.

The AA

Fuckers, I swapped car insurance with them the other week, and they wanted proof of my No Claims, which I sent via Royal Mail. I then get a letter back off them saying they haven’t received anything from me and they are going to cancel my Insurance if I don’t get in touch.

Yet every time you ring their fucking number, they tell you they are too busy to take the call, so fuck off and give it a go later on.

Bastard coooonts.

MSN Messenger v’s Google Chat

Why is everyone talking to me via Google chat, it’s shitte. First of all you have to sign in specifically to Gmail, and then you have to have that window open to see if anyone has texted you.

At least in Messenger in runs via the O/S and in pops up and tells you someone has sent you a message.

So you fuckers out there sending me gmail chat messages that I don’t notice for 30 mins, and by that time, you’ve gone, STOP IT.

Get a Messenger account, or email me, there are no alternatives (apart from the phone possibly, or Royal Mail).

End of Rant

Disparity in Postings

After Michael’s comments the other day I went over the last 100 postings on this blog and noticed a subtle theme running through it. I do all the posting.

Out of the last 100:

Mike:       14 posts
Ady:          4 posts
Paulie B:   3 posts
Me:          79 posts

Can you see the difference, the commitment that some of us are showing and others are just coasting along, claiming to be “too busy” at work, or crying “they took away my internet access for abuse of the system”.

Pussy’s the lot of them.

I love Women.

I couldn’t eat a whole one, but I know where I would start!

Naivety Award

This award goes to Ady’s sister who whilst half way through her pregnancy stated she wasn’t too worried about the actual birth as she’s heard it’s “just like bad period pains.”

Yesterday after 17 hours of pushing, and all the drugs she could get her hands on, she calved a little monster of 9lb 9oz, and I bet the last thing she wanted to hear is someone reminding her of her pervious statement.

Congrats to her and Tony, on their little boy, Reese.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Bless Him

I mentioned to Lewis that if he gave me £300, I would be able to get SKY HD and that we would then move the Sky Plus box into his room, allowing him to recorded all his own shows.

He has jumped at the chance, and wants his Mum to pop down to the Post Office to get the money out of his savings.

Now all we have to do is talk his Mum round to handing over her son’s hard saved money, or failing that we forge her signature.

The Children really are the future!


I was going to spend my last morning off work playing Tomb Raider, but I decided to start by watching a new series I had recorded, Criminal Minds, and doing some ironing for an hour and then get stuck into Lara before collecting Daniel from Nursery.

However, I was enjoying the series so much, and the ironing that I gave up on Lara, and spent 3 hours ironing and watching TV.

What a fantastic way to spend a morning.

Plus in other news that I forgot to mention, we bought a Rabbit Hutch on Saturday, and when I went to pick it up, I told the Lady behind the counter that we had bought the hutch on Saturday, and I was here to pick it up. “Oh the Posh One”, which speaks volumes. Therefore, after spending £70 on a Rabbit (why do I always feel like putting double tt at the end of Rabbit) hutch it turns out we aren’t getting any Rabbit’s. We are now going for more children friendly Guinea Pigs. We best get something to put in the damn thing.

Off to the Lawyers in a few hours so I’ll let you all know what they say.

I think that’s it.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Long Weekend

I decided that work wasn’t for me at the moment and took a long weekend as a last minute thing on Thursday. Friday was fantastic, just relaxing and waiting for Tomb Raider Legends to be delivered. When it finally was delivered, I ripped it open and threw it in the Xbox 360 and waited for it to boot up. However, it came up with an error message, it turns out that had sent 200 of the Xbox versions out instead of the 360 version, DOH! So I shot downtown and bought it there.

Can I just add to those Lara Croft fans that she looks super hot.

Saturday was another lazy day, we picked Callum up, but he spent virtually all day in his room watching football, I hardly know him any more. And Saturday night we watched Underworld Evolution, which was at best just OK.

Sunday was a weird weather day; there was glorious sunshine in the morning, then rain and finally Snow. With the biggest snow flakes ever, honestly.

And today is another Day off, and I shall fill the morning with, ironing, hovering, empting the dishwasher, and playing with Lara.

Oh! One other final comment, I finally managed to bring defecation into the 21st Century. You know how a man can’t go to the toilet unless he has something to read? Well, I’ve gone one better, I’ve left the Nintendo DS in there, which has a load of mini-games on, that you can while away the 20/30 mins doing your movements.

That’ it really I’m going to enjoy the rest of the day, see the Lawyer tomorrow, and then it’s another long weekend starting on Friday.

Later Days

Oh Land of Thy Birth

Last Tuesday I visited the City of my birth. I was born in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. Scarborough is to Toronto what Onchan is to Douglas. Only Scarborough is the size of Leeds.

Frequently, my mother has commented that she wished our family had never left Canada and gone to the Rock. We actually left there when I was six weeks old and I've never seen it since.

Until (as I may have mentioned) last Tuesday.

What can I say that won't have me branded a fully paid up member of the KKK?

You see...we had to get a bus from the train station to the zoo. The bus was pretty full. There were actually 31 people on it. Five were white* Five. There's four people in my family for Gods sake. If it wasn't for us white trash tourists there would've been only one white guy on board! And he got off before us. And the train, train station and passers-by I could see showed we hadn't accidentally got on the Rasta Bus. We were surrounded.

The thing about going to another country is that you aren't really justified in ranting about it's way of life. If you don't like it, there's a boat in the morning.

So I can't wait to get home to really rip into the DHSS, MHKs, the price of beer in nightclubs, the lack of totty in Strand Street and the general state of the roads. And I'll have the right to do it.

Thankyou and good night.

*Out of interest, my definition of white goes from Finland to Greece. We're not just talking Anglo-Saxons.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Rant about Lawyers & Social Security

Years ago, I left my then wife, and I walked out with nothing. She kept the House, Car, House Contents, Life Assurance etc, literally everything except my clothes.
As part of this I signed a Divorce Agreement that states:

The husband and wife hereby acknowledge that save as appears hereinafter they have no further financial or property claims on against the other whatsoever.

Which has been fine for the last 11 years, I have not paid maintenance but I do pay half of Callum’s school stuff. This is mainly as I want to feel as if I am involved in his Schooling, involved as it were with his growing up. Plus of course I have bought him clothes etc as and when needed.

Like I said this has been fine for 11 years.

That’s the back story.

Now the other week the ex-wife went to claim Income Support from the DHSS and during the process revealed that I don’t pay maintenance. Now I only have her word on this, but I tend to think it’s true, but she said to the DHSS that she is happy with that and that she doesn’t want to rock the boat as we get along just fine the way it is. However, the DHSS said that she has to seek legal aid and claim the maintenance off me, otherwise they wouldn’t pay her benefits.

So she had no choice but jump through the hoops to get her Income Support.

She then went to the same Lawyers that drafted the original Divorce agreement and told them what the DHSS said.

They have now written to me, and said that the original document didn’t include Maintenance for our Son and that I have to start paying it, and that the DHSS sets the minimum acceptable level of maintenance at £42.40 per week, or £183.73 per calendar month.

Which quite frankly we can’t really afford as we over spend every month as it is.


Who the fuck do the DHSS think they are getting involved in that in the first place? Coooonts.

And what the fuck about the Lawyers, they are now saying that the agreement they wrote doesn’t mean what they said. Coooonts.

Now I have to go to the lawyers at £175 per hour to see where I stand….. Coooonts

All of them are coooooooonts.

If in a worse case scenario I have to start paying, then I should get half of our joint assets at the time of the split, as I only signed everything over in lew of paying maintenance, if I now have to pay maintenance, and add that to the fact I got nothing out of marriage it looks like I was well and truly screwed.

Christ. I just know this is going to end in tears and large wholes in my wages.
Coooooooonts everywhere. Bastards.


As stated before on this blog, I am a big believer in Karma, what goes around, comes around. So after standing my wife up for lunch yesterday lunch time, Karma in her infinite wisdom decided to her own back on me.

As stated yesterday I was meant to meet an old School friend for a few pints last night. I was dropped off at the Pub at 7:55pm fully expecting to meet John at 8.00pm. However, he didn’t turn up and I had to wait till 9:20pm before the other two lads turned up.

Ain’t payback a bitch!

But I held my hands up and took my punishment on the chin.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

One Thing to Do

I had one thing to do today, well apart from look busy and not get caught reading the Internet all day, and that was to meet my wife for lunch…

Did I remember, did I bollocks.

In fact, Ady rang up just as I was leaving to go to the Gym seeing if I wanted to do lunch, you think that would have rung a few Alarm Bells.

What a stupid coooont I am.

I am really sorry honey for standing you up.

I might have a big rant tomorrow on Lawyers and Social Services.


Since the children are getting their way and getting Bunny Rabbits, I thought I would stamp and stamp my feet until Mum got me a pet.

Therefore, I have been sending the foxiest chick on the planet (NO, not Cat Dealy), my good lady wife links to various Spider Sites. My favourite being this one;

I bet you I get more use out of my Spider than those pesky kids get with their soppy bunny rabbits.

Not sure, which one to order yet, as long as it is big and hairy, I am not bothered.

The Chile Rose Tarantulas looks good, but I like the sound of the Giant Red-Legged.

I have just found another site.

Does anyone out there own or know owners of Tarantulas’?

I’m out tonight with a couple of the lads, which is always nice.

And in other news, a direct quote from my Boss to his Boss.

“You will also recall the allegation that I was probably under valuing our Computer resource.”

Damn straight, he does…

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

What to Say today

After yesterday’s two marathon posts, I feel the need to get something off my chest. However, there is nothing to get off my chest. I don’t really like work at the moment, and so can’t be arsed to do anything whilst I’m here. I do wake up each morning hoping for some mild illness that would give me the slightest excuse to take a day off. The only thing keeping me here is the fact there are no jobs out there suited to me, and on the half chance that I might actually get the training course they promised.

Things to look forward to this weekend;

Wednesday I am meeting my mate at Bar George whom I haven’t seen in 20 odd years, which will be good to catch up on what we’ve accomplished so far with our lives.

On Friday the latest Tomb Raider game is released and I have ordered the 360 version. Luckily enough, my stunningly beautiful life partner is out with the girls that night, so I should be able to have a pleasant evening playing with Lara.

I was hoping that we could have a family movie night on Saturday, with popcorn and Hotdogs and sweets and watch my latest DVD purchase:

The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe

However, we might not have all the children here.

Of course we may be out purchasing a Bunny Rabbit or two (more likely two, so they can keep each other company, however, they will have to be same sex bunnies).

That’s about it as far as I can remember; I must also move the spare TV from Lewis’ room to ours.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Rabbits, Spiders, Snakes and Rats

God knows where it has come from but my sensual good lady wife wants to get the children a Rabbit.

I actually don’t mind, but I know, just know, who will be left to look after it for 99% of the time, The Wife.

She does too much around the house as it is, without another pet to look after.

Plus how often are the children actually going to “do” anything with the damn thing? It will have to stay outside, and being in the Isle of Man, we are not exactly blessed with long hot summers.

So maybe once a weekend, between May and August it will be taken out a stroked and chased around the back garden…

Is it worth it I ask myself?

Now if everyone went for one of my ideas that would be different. I suggested either Giant Spider (I love spiders), Snake or Rat. I would LOVE a spider for Fathers day, a nice big tarantula.

However, they want a Rabbit.

I suggest the kids read this:

And I quote from the above source:

Should I get my child a rabbit?

The short answer is no. Rabbits hate being picked up and cuddled. Most children will want to hug the rabbit and may end up being scratched and bitten. Bunnies don't like losing contact with the ground. They can't run away from predators if you are holding them and they will fight to get put back on the ground. After a while children lose interest in the rabbit, and it ends up in a small cage in the backyard with virtually no human interaction. Rabbits have such a subtle way of communicating that it can be irritating for children who just want to play with the rabbit.”

The Rhythm is Going to Get You!

Saturday evening Max & I were out with her cousin and another two couples. It was a fairly early start (1815Hrs) as the Pub we were going to stopped serving food at 1930. The Pub (The Queens, and no it isn’t one of those Pubs that Crash n Donna enjoy) was fairly full, so the girls sat at a table (actually three tables as they kept moving as and when a better one became available), and us four lads sat at the bar.

Things were fine for the first 10 mins, and then the three lads started talking football (all three were huge Man U fans), which of course I haven’t a clue about. I couldn’t even tell you who is in the Premiership. Therefore, I just concentrated on the “Guest Ales” and let them crack on. There was some respite whilst we ate the EXCELLENT food, but then they spent 30 mins (that’s thirty whole minutes) talking about the Old Trafford pitch??? 30 minutes talking about grass eh!

Well that was me, I went and sat with the Shelia’s in the corner. From that point on it starts to get blurry. Since I hadn’t been able to join in the Football conversation at the bar, I had concentrated on drinking pints of bitter, which meant by the time I sat down with the girls I was very merry. By this time, some fella on a keyboard was singing in the corner, which was a perfect opportunity to get up and dance. Luckily, the girls got up with me. That was me then, I just danced and danced all night. The highlight was when he did Mustang Sally…. For those of you who don’t know, Mustang Sally has a hold on me, as soon as I hear it, I have to dance, and the dancing usually ends up with me taking half my clothes off, I don’t know what it is, but that song really get’s under my skin. Maxine joined me on the floor and we gyrated and sexed our way through the song to the open jaws of the crowd, whom I had even forgotten was there….

When the pub shut we moved on to the piano bar and Kim refused to walk as she doesn’t do walking, she even drives to the corner shop from her house which must be all of 30 meters away. Anyhoo I was adamant that she wasn’t getting a Taxi, so I lifted her on my back and ran all the way to the next Bar… (Don’t ask me why?)

Luckily enough there was a live band at the new place and I didn’t even have time for a drink, I was straight on the dance floor. Most of the time it was just me up there, but I didn’t care, I was far too drunk to be bothered. Although I have been told I did a lot of grabbing girls and dragging them up, and one of the lads was a bit pissed off that I dragged his wife up and picked her up and she put her legs around my waist as we danced… (I don’t actually remember that one….)

All in all it was a very good night, and apparently Maxine was told on more than one occasion, “Paul’s normally such a quiet person”, which I am, until you add Bitter and Music.

It’s Monday morning and my legs are still aching from all the dancing and considering I go to the Gym 5 times a week and have no side effects, I must have danced like a dervish.

I was a Dancing GOD !