Thursday, February 09, 2012

Give Me My Fucking Life Back

It's now more than 4 months since I felt an ever so slight twinge in my guts which has gone on to cause a whole fucktitude of problems. In those 4 months the very best I've felt is every so slightly better than utter shit. Christmas was a right off, New Year even more so. There have been times where I've been so creased in pain that I've just thought bollocks to the lot of it. My weight crashed by more than 2 stone, I'm weaker now than I have ever been.

My own doctor has been less than useless, cunt doesn't seem like a strong enough word, but given his name it'll have to do. I'm convinced he thinks I'm either after a sick note or imagining it. I didn't work a single day for 2 and a half months, I claimed fuck all, I never have, I never will. ALL I've wanted is to feel better. As for imagining it, I don't exactly fit into the hypocondriact bracket. I've put up with puking blood, dislocations, broken bones , without going near a doctor. Until this last 4 months I average a visit every 4 years. If I'm saying that this is hurting they I assure you it is fucking hurting.

But I decided against sitting on my arse waiting for Dr "If It's Not Cured With Pain Killers Then I Don't Give A Fuck" to do anything. I've contacted as many experts as possible, all have been helpful. I've gotten enough dietary advice and supplements to get me back eating again (soup and cereal was all I could keep down for more than 6 weeks) and I've even put on weight and am now holding steady. I'm still weak as a kitten, I can't do a single pull-up but...

Thanks to another experts "rough idea" diagnosis things are finally looking like there might be an end in sight. Typing this now I can't feel any pain around my lower back, nothing, my guts don't feel right but they don't feel anything like as wrong as they usually do. I went to the gym this morning and 1. wasn't sick 2. got the post exercise buzz. The last time I tried this in November I lasted 5 minutes and had to get a taxi home to bed.

Things aren't perfect, I still have a bastard lump where I shouldn't have, some numbness and a bit of pain plus it's only the first day I've felt even half right, but having some clue as to what is causing the problems at least lets me work on building up things around them. Either way it's got to be better than being told "I don't know" followed by a blank stare and then "bye" by your doctor. I wonder who do I write to to request a National Insurance refund?

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