I'm pretty fit at the moment; I work out most days. My weight is down and I eat pretty healthily. I don't drink, smoke or dress up as a lady (any more).
So why-oh-why do I wake up feeling absolutely knackered every single day with aches and pains from my shins to my asshole to my brain?
Oh yeah - coz I'm old.
Is this all I have to look forward to? Feeling progressively more like shit until eventually one of those pains is the one that kills me?
God is a wanker.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thank feck for the Japanese Tsunami
Really.
All the media had to talk about was the Libya 'crises' - as if we all ever gave a crap. The whole of the middle east is going through unrest - and Libya are having a civil war at the moment. Good for them - but really, talk about the No-Fly zones to protect the innocent civilians? What cobblers. Impractical and unworthy. So a couple of BBC journalists get threatened - idiots. And the media keep asking Politicians 'how are we able to stand by while innocent people get attacked'? Two words. Lockerbie Bomber.
So now the dreadful scenes of carnage and devastation and live footage of cars getting swamped by the Tsunami wave have saved us from the incessant hyped frenzy of media driven outrage over Libya. The media were literally egging us on to War. Like the gobby schoolkid on the outskirts of the playground, taunting the bigger kid to hit the little kid.
Fuck em all.
I was stood in the carpark at Tokyo Disneyland - where it's now all under water. And the horrifying scenes of the wave, sluggish and relentless, and seeing the people (often unaware on the other side of buildings) amble about. First they witness, then they run. Very scary.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
No Expense Spared
Would it be too much to ask for you cunts to stop with the whole "look how important we are" shit and actually start saving some fucking money? Yes, I suppose it would.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Charlie Sheen is Ace
C'mon! What a star. Please - someone pair him up with Mel Gibson in a buddy-cop movie based in Las Vegas. A warlock? Puh-lease - it's great stuff. He will be sharing his Dungeon & Dragons characters with the world next, whipping out his vorpal sword and yelling 'Take that you fiend' to the next worm he finds.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Business Ideas
A lot of the ideas I have are shit. I'll plug away for a while but eventually it becomes obvious that it's just not a goer. My work requires me to have lots of ideas so the fact that so many are shit is of little concern to me. Why?
Because every now and then one of my ideas turns out to be genius. About 8 weeks ago I had one such idea. 7 weeks of hard work later and yesterday it made its first money. Today it has made more money than yesterday. By the end of this month I "should" have recovered most of my costs. By the end of next month I'll be sat on another 90% passive gold mine.
It's going to be another good month :)
Because every now and then one of my ideas turns out to be genius. About 8 weeks ago I had one such idea. 7 weeks of hard work later and yesterday it made its first money. Today it has made more money than yesterday. By the end of this month I "should" have recovered most of my costs. By the end of next month I'll be sat on another 90% passive gold mine.
It's going to be another good month :)
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Shouldn’t be allowed!
Do you know what shouldn’t be allowed? I’ll tell you what: microwave kebabs…
I don’t know where to start. Firstly they look nothing like the picture on the box, no lettuce or tomato. In fact they don’t even look edible when you unpackage them, and you should always go with your first feeling.
But someone had given them to me and I wasn’t going to throw food out!
Anyway, don’t touch them. The Pitta is like concrete when it comes out of the microwave. As for the meat. Well even in proper shop kebab shops the meat is questionable, but imagine when it’s all put together behind closed doors… seriously I have never tasted anything like it.
So in short. Microwave kebabs… NO!
(I won’t even mention what it’s done to my bowel movements..)
I don’t know where to start. Firstly they look nothing like the picture on the box, no lettuce or tomato. In fact they don’t even look edible when you unpackage them, and you should always go with your first feeling.
But someone had given them to me and I wasn’t going to throw food out!
Anyway, don’t touch them. The Pitta is like concrete when it comes out of the microwave. As for the meat. Well even in proper shop kebab shops the meat is questionable, but imagine when it’s all put together behind closed doors… seriously I have never tasted anything like it.
So in short. Microwave kebabs… NO!
(I won’t even mention what it’s done to my bowel movements..)
Monday, February 28, 2011
It's Not A Problem, It's An Opportunity
Just one of the many differences between men and women.
When our tumble dryer broke my first thoughts were:-
"Not another fucking thing breaking"
"More bloody expense"
"Time to cut back on some other stuff"
In that order.
The wifes first thought:-
"If we're going to get a new tumble dryer we might as well get a new microwave as well, one of those nice silver ones..........oh and have you seen this cruise brochure?"
They are coming today (that'll be tumble dryer + microwave).
The path of least resistance my friend, always the path of least resistance.
When our tumble dryer broke my first thoughts were:-
"Not another fucking thing breaking"
"More bloody expense"
"Time to cut back on some other stuff"
In that order.
The wifes first thought:-
"If we're going to get a new tumble dryer we might as well get a new microwave as well, one of those nice silver ones..........oh and have you seen this cruise brochure?"
They are coming today (that'll be tumble dryer + microwave).
The path of least resistance my friend, always the path of least resistance.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Not Right
Day 4 and the hangover is still there pounding my head into the ground, it is getting better but put it this way, I wouldn't be back at work yet if I had to be. That's not good.
I enjoy a beer as much as anybody but without any notion of when enough is enough is it really worth the suffering?
.
.
.
(I can only imagine how bad things would be if the bar would have had Tequila)
I enjoy a beer as much as anybody but without any notion of when enough is enough is it really worth the suffering?
.
.
.
(I can only imagine how bad things would be if the bar would have had Tequila)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Fooked
Redundency For Dummies.
Private Sector - Net contributor to government coffers turns into a net drain on government coffers. Overall effect on government finances, negative.
Public Sector - Net drain on government coffers becomes less of a net drain on government coffers. Overall effect on government finances, positive.
Redundency in private sector = an every day regular occurence with no government interest i.e. shit happens.
Redundency in public sector = only when fucking hell freezes over
22 fucking jobs out of over 8,000. 22! Redundency is shit, I can speak from personal experience (as can the rest of the manx lads) but for fucks sake you get over it, it's not the end of the world, it's not like there is even a shortage of private sector employment over here.
Private Sector - Net contributor to government coffers turns into a net drain on government coffers. Overall effect on government finances, negative.
Public Sector - Net drain on government coffers becomes less of a net drain on government coffers. Overall effect on government finances, positive.
Redundency in private sector = an every day regular occurence with no government interest i.e. shit happens.
Redundency in public sector = only when fucking hell freezes over
22 fucking jobs out of over 8,000. 22! Redundency is shit, I can speak from personal experience (as can the rest of the manx lads) but for fucks sake you get over it, it's not the end of the world, it's not like there is even a shortage of private sector employment over here.
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Perfect Storm
What is it they say: it's all in the ... timing!
Well there are 18 separate matches on TV this weekend, and that's not including 7 hours of IRB Sevens from Las Vegas.
And what do I choose to do? Take the wife away for a romantic break!
If it was raining soup, I'd have a fork.
Well there are 18 separate matches on TV this weekend, and that's not including 7 hours of IRB Sevens from Las Vegas.
And what do I choose to do? Take the wife away for a romantic break!
If it was raining soup, I'd have a fork.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Monopoly
Manx Telecom are about to up their fixed line rental charge by about 10% (they don't actually tell you this in their literature, prefering to mention the actual cost increase amount, doesn't sound so bad that way) so we've decided to shop around and see what offers there are out there.....oh no hang on a minute - they have a fucking monopoly, there is no competition. When they decide to up their price by about 10% it's like it or lump it, tough shit. Why increase line rental and not call charges, in fact they are reducing some call charges? Simple. Nobody uses their home phone anymore, the only reason most people have a fixed line into the house is for internet access. The line rental charge is the only monopoly MT still hold so it's time to rape it for all it's worth before the games up. MT is owned by a Private Equity firm, shock fucking horror.
Oh and Manx Gas have just announced another price hike as well, just 4 months after their last one. We'll shop arou....oh hang on. Yep you guessed it, and owned by another Private Equity firm. What is it about these Private Equity firms and buying up companies that hold monopoly's in small countries. It's almost as if they see them as a an easy opportunity for ringing as much profit from a population as possible. Don't worry, we've got the Government to help us!
Once again, hang on a minute...
Rape Me Big Boy
And Again
Wouldn't a "normal" company be expected to find finance for its own expansion plans?
Anybody might think that all these fucking circle jerk pricks mix in the same social circles and that the island as a whole is corrupt to fuck to the benefit of the few at the expense of the average working person? Not that I'd ever suggest that of course.
Or maybe living is just getting more expensive.
Oh and Manx Gas have just announced another price hike as well, just 4 months after their last one. We'll shop arou....oh hang on. Yep you guessed it, and owned by another Private Equity firm. What is it about these Private Equity firms and buying up companies that hold monopoly's in small countries. It's almost as if they see them as a an easy opportunity for ringing as much profit from a population as possible. Don't worry, we've got the Government to help us!
Once again, hang on a minute...
Rape Me Big Boy
And Again
Wouldn't a "normal" company be expected to find finance for its own expansion plans?
Anybody might think that all these fucking circle jerk pricks mix in the same social circles and that the island as a whole is corrupt to fuck to the benefit of the few at the expense of the average working person? Not that I'd ever suggest that of course.
Or maybe living is just getting more expensive.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
5 Crap Things About Your Kids Growing Up
5. No more drinking at weekends. One of life's little joys for the working masses is to be able to chillax at the end of the working week. Not so when your kids reach their teens. There's always something on that either needs you to stay sober that night (Sleeepppooovveeerrr!) or you to drive the next day (Hobbies, trips to the shops, picking up from friends sleepovers etc etc). Any alcohol either at home or in the pub is a bad idea, you've always got to be on call (Yes, you really are still over the limit the next day after your bottles of wine!). Instead of drinking on a Friday or Saturday you'll switch to odd nights out during the week (when of course there is no other fucker out and everywhere shuts early) and let work cop the hangover the next day. On the rare occasion you do get out at the weekend gate fever takes over and 2 hours in you're so fucked up you can barely string 3 words together. The end result of this is total separation from your weekend drinking friends who you grew up with. Like taxes and death, this is inevitable.
4. The bathroom. Forget about ever having anymore time in the bathroom than it takes to have a quick shit or an in-and-out shower. If they're not camped in there for hours on end you can be sure that one of their friends will be. Not so bad if you have a couple of bathrooms but when you are poor like us it comes down to military precision to find time for a relaxing dump.
3. Finding the right group. As they get older it becomes more and more likely that the friends they have will have some influence over them in later life. Kids go from being friends with everybody in their class to finding themselves a nice group. On one hand you don't want your kids in the overly restricted "parents won't let them out of their site" freaks group, nor do you want them in the chavvy as fuck, out drinking every night, pregnant by 16 scummers. There are a whole variety of "normal" groups in-between but the likely hood is you'll find yourself aiming for one of the upper end groups and doing a lot more housework (what weekends) and a hell of a lot of running around.
2. Forget Facebook. Not an entirely bad thing this anyway but it runs much deeper than just Facebook. Everybody knows that parents have duel personalities, the person they really are and the person they choose for their kids to see. As the kids get older they want to use Facebook and before you know it, bham, you've got a friend request from your sprogs. Accept it and at this point forget ever being able to be yourself online again (well until they hit 18 and piss off). You are now a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 100% accountable for everything you post, everybody you friend, every comment you pass parent. You stop being Fred Smith to your mates and start being little Timmy's dad. This is not helped by those weird fuckers that insist on tagging photos of your kids as you! Twats.
1. Sleepovers. I can't trawl deep enough through the bowels of my stomach to put into words just how fucking much I hate the continuing insistence on fucking sleepovers. What was once a rare treat is now seen as a every fucking spare* weekend must have. Anybody else notice the numbers growing as well? It started of as having a friend to sleep and it just seems to grow and grow until they can't fit in the bedroom and take over the whole of downstairs. If there's not a gang coming around your house (which requires at least 1 day of cleaning, for girls anyway) you'll get to spend the weekend running yours around and then having to put up with the monged child which results from the fook all sleep kids get at sleepovers. I'm not even going into the expense of providing suitable meal options to suite everybody's tastes, well you can't have them having cereal for breakfast like what you do 99% of the time? I honestly just can't understand it, my parents would of quite rightly told me to piss off if I insisted on having friends sleeping all the time, especially when those same friends are ONLY seen at sleepovers. It's not even like the kids spend any time with each other when they're not sleeping at each others houses.
*spare means no kids hobbies on, not spare as in you might get some time to yourself.
Now I should probably counter all this by saying you do get the joy of watching your children developing on into the people they are really going to be, the sense of humour, the kindness, the sheer joy of watching them grow up. But balls to it, after yet another 48 hour clean up, totally dry and sleepover ridden weekend I can't bring myself to see the bright side :)
4. The bathroom. Forget about ever having anymore time in the bathroom than it takes to have a quick shit or an in-and-out shower. If they're not camped in there for hours on end you can be sure that one of their friends will be. Not so bad if you have a couple of bathrooms but when you are poor like us it comes down to military precision to find time for a relaxing dump.
3. Finding the right group. As they get older it becomes more and more likely that the friends they have will have some influence over them in later life. Kids go from being friends with everybody in their class to finding themselves a nice group. On one hand you don't want your kids in the overly restricted "parents won't let them out of their site" freaks group, nor do you want them in the chavvy as fuck, out drinking every night, pregnant by 16 scummers. There are a whole variety of "normal" groups in-between but the likely hood is you'll find yourself aiming for one of the upper end groups and doing a lot more housework (what weekends) and a hell of a lot of running around.
2. Forget Facebook. Not an entirely bad thing this anyway but it runs much deeper than just Facebook. Everybody knows that parents have duel personalities, the person they really are and the person they choose for their kids to see. As the kids get older they want to use Facebook and before you know it, bham, you've got a friend request from your sprogs. Accept it and at this point forget ever being able to be yourself online again (well until they hit 18 and piss off). You are now a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 100% accountable for everything you post, everybody you friend, every comment you pass parent. You stop being Fred Smith to your mates and start being little Timmy's dad. This is not helped by those weird fuckers that insist on tagging photos of your kids as you! Twats.
1. Sleepovers. I can't trawl deep enough through the bowels of my stomach to put into words just how fucking much I hate the continuing insistence on fucking sleepovers. What was once a rare treat is now seen as a every fucking spare* weekend must have. Anybody else notice the numbers growing as well? It started of as having a friend to sleep and it just seems to grow and grow until they can't fit in the bedroom and take over the whole of downstairs. If there's not a gang coming around your house (which requires at least 1 day of cleaning, for girls anyway) you'll get to spend the weekend running yours around and then having to put up with the monged child which results from the fook all sleep kids get at sleepovers. I'm not even going into the expense of providing suitable meal options to suite everybody's tastes, well you can't have them having cereal for breakfast like what you do 99% of the time? I honestly just can't understand it, my parents would of quite rightly told me to piss off if I insisted on having friends sleeping all the time, especially when those same friends are ONLY seen at sleepovers. It's not even like the kids spend any time with each other when they're not sleeping at each others houses.
*spare means no kids hobbies on, not spare as in you might get some time to yourself.
Now I should probably counter all this by saying you do get the joy of watching your children developing on into the people they are really going to be, the sense of humour, the kindness, the sheer joy of watching them grow up. But balls to it, after yet another 48 hour clean up, totally dry and sleepover ridden weekend I can't bring myself to see the bright side :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
End Of The World
You're in a bar, it's just been announced that the world is going to come to an end in 5 minutes, your lovely life partner is at home and no chance of reaching her, question hot shot, which one of these girls would you get jiggy with/nail/bang?
Just for the record we voted 2 for bottom left and 1 for bottom right (They were playing locally last night)
If anyone mentions the sexist word then think yourselves fucking lucky I never posted the awesome Andy Gray rant I did.
Just for the record we voted 2 for bottom left and 1 for bottom right (They were playing locally last night)
If anyone mentions the sexist word then think yourselves fucking lucky I never posted the awesome Andy Gray rant I did.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
What a Knob
No, seriously what a Knob...
Serious it's not the tax evasion that giving us a bad name, it's pillocks like this bloke Baggs!!
Serious it's not the tax evasion that giving us a bad name, it's pillocks like this bloke Baggs!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
'Baby Doc' Duvalier
While 'Baby Doc' Duvalier is in the news with his return to Haiti (eejit) - I'll take advantage of search traffic and point everyone to Feng Shui Assassin at Smashwords. The baddie in this story (minor spoiler) is 'Papa Doc' Duvalier and his Tonton Macoute (in their weird holistic guises).
Feng Shui Assassin is a free e-book ready for your kindle, sony e-reader or to print out using your works printer. However you want to read it.
In other news - v sad at the bowing out of Mr B. F'sure the death knell for the Manx Lads blog :(
Feng Shui Assassin is a free e-book ready for your kindle, sony e-reader or to print out using your works printer. However you want to read it.
In other news - v sad at the bowing out of Mr B. F'sure the death knell for the Manx Lads blog :(
Friday, January 14, 2011
Bowing Out
I'm going to call time on my blogging with the Manx lads. Hope you are listening you lazy bastards, that means one or more of you is going to have to write something every now and then? Come on it's not like anybody around these parts actually does any real work?
Reasons are many and varied but boil down to 2 things.
1. The blog is too well known in local circles, it's a small island, there's no way I can really vent on here without shit hitting the fan in any number of directions (Content from this here blog has actually been read out in our local Parliament, fucking seriously!). Bollocks to it, if I can't rant on here what can I do....yes write about other stuff which leads neatly to point number 2
2. There isn't anything non personal (I can't do personal, see point 1) I can write on here that I don't already have a website covering. When I say website I don't mean some half arsed Blogger blog. At the very worst I mean a grown up self hosted wordpress install, at the best I'm talking about something hand built with no more than Notepad, Photoshop and a whole lotta lurve. More to the point though these websites are my living and they demand content. That's the other strange thing, if you are clever enough to follow some of the blog links up there on the right of this page you'll find some amazingly well written, witty blogs. Go on, do it! Compared to those my brain fart ramblings seem insane and I seem stupid. A stupid person who needs a spellchecker. Yet I really do make a living from publishing "stuff" online, not a shitty few quid here, few quid there supplement my benefits living but a real bonifide "holly shit you made how much last month" style living. Have been full time for the last 4 years. Honestly, there is no justice in the world. Right, I'm stopping before this edges towards the area of personal rant.
Over to you lads.
ps To the staff at the gym, yes I know you probably think I'm some sort of dodgy benefits scummer or drug dealer or some other shit, it's a natural conclusion when you look at how I dress and the fact I turn up at 8:45 every morning and am never in a rush to go anywhere! Perk of the job boys and girls. The way you smile and acknowledge all those people in their £60 Next suites, I'll have some of that next time please. Ta.
Reasons are many and varied but boil down to 2 things.
1. The blog is too well known in local circles, it's a small island, there's no way I can really vent on here without shit hitting the fan in any number of directions (Content from this here blog has actually been read out in our local Parliament, fucking seriously!). Bollocks to it, if I can't rant on here what can I do....yes write about other stuff which leads neatly to point number 2
2. There isn't anything non personal (I can't do personal, see point 1) I can write on here that I don't already have a website covering. When I say website I don't mean some half arsed Blogger blog. At the very worst I mean a grown up self hosted wordpress install, at the best I'm talking about something hand built with no more than Notepad, Photoshop and a whole lotta lurve. More to the point though these websites are my living and they demand content. That's the other strange thing, if you are clever enough to follow some of the blog links up there on the right of this page you'll find some amazingly well written, witty blogs. Go on, do it! Compared to those my brain fart ramblings seem insane and I seem stupid. A stupid person who needs a spellchecker. Yet I really do make a living from publishing "stuff" online, not a shitty few quid here, few quid there supplement my benefits living but a real bonifide "holly shit you made how much last month" style living. Have been full time for the last 4 years. Honestly, there is no justice in the world. Right, I'm stopping before this edges towards the area of personal rant.
Over to you lads.
ps To the staff at the gym, yes I know you probably think I'm some sort of dodgy benefits scummer or drug dealer or some other shit, it's a natural conclusion when you look at how I dress and the fact I turn up at 8:45 every morning and am never in a rush to go anywhere! Perk of the job boys and girls. The way you smile and acknowledge all those people in their £60 Next suites, I'll have some of that next time please. Ta.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Just When I Thought I Couldn't Hate The Labour Party Any More Than I Do...
This fucking prick asks Barclays to shut down all their offshore companies! Yes Barclays, shut down those highly profitable businesses that employ thousands of people and funnel millions of pounds into the UK economy via the city of London. While you're at it please ruin a whole economy and destroy the lives of thousands of people who have done nothing but work hard to make a business profitable. Brilliant!!!
I've got no connection with Barclays or any other offshore bank for that matter, I don't work for one or rely on one. I could upsticks tomorrow and it wouldn't impact my business one bit. However, I have plenty of friends who are employed in offshore finance and you know what, I like my friends and I like them having jobs. I like my friends to have aspirations in life and some chance of achieveing them through hard work and dedication to the company that has employed them. But even more to the point, if you want Barclays to close down it's operation in anywhere that operates in a competitive manner then you might want to have a harsh close look at the UK first. Because when it comes to dodgy tax matters you fuckers take the biscuit, you want tax efficiency - check out a UK LLP.
I'd normally be the last person to defend the Isle of Man but come on, enough is enough. It's not our fault you lot have borrowed yourself into a massive fucking hole. And if you want to go down the route of not competing on tax then I'll tell you what, you go first. You stop luring business away from Europe for tax reasons, how about that? Nope. Didn't think so. Every country tries to make itself more attractive to business in whatever ways it can because every country is competing for a share of a limited pot. The sooner the Labour cunts that fucked up the UK in the first place get that into their heads the better.
I've got no connection with Barclays or any other offshore bank for that matter, I don't work for one or rely on one. I could upsticks tomorrow and it wouldn't impact my business one bit. However, I have plenty of friends who are employed in offshore finance and you know what, I like my friends and I like them having jobs. I like my friends to have aspirations in life and some chance of achieveing them through hard work and dedication to the company that has employed them. But even more to the point, if you want Barclays to close down it's operation in anywhere that operates in a competitive manner then you might want to have a harsh close look at the UK first. Because when it comes to dodgy tax matters you fuckers take the biscuit, you want tax efficiency - check out a UK LLP.
I'd normally be the last person to defend the Isle of Man but come on, enough is enough. It's not our fault you lot have borrowed yourself into a massive fucking hole. And if you want to go down the route of not competing on tax then I'll tell you what, you go first. You stop luring business away from Europe for tax reasons, how about that? Nope. Didn't think so. Every country tries to make itself more attractive to business in whatever ways it can because every country is competing for a share of a limited pot. The sooner the Labour cunts that fucked up the UK in the first place get that into their heads the better.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Karma
I don't know what the fuck I've done to deserve the start to this year but whatever it is I'm going to try and do some good and re-balance things. So if you'd like a hand with anything technical now's the time to ask. Ever wanted to know how to do something with your PC but been too afraid to ask anybody in case it sounds stupid? Stuck on an Excel formula that's been bugging you for ages? Anything else computery pissing you off?
Just leave a comment and I'll do my best to help you out. All I ask in return is that the next time you're worshiping your god or deity of choice you let them know that Paul B is being nice.
Just leave a comment and I'll do my best to help you out. All I ask in return is that the next time you're worshiping your god or deity of choice you let them know that Paul B is being nice.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Bravo - where are you?
WTF? Where did Bravo TV channel on Sky go?
It's just been removed from the listing from Sky channels and it is a huge loss to us all. To me, anyway. That channel had tonnes of my favourite shows - Gameface, Dog the BH, Spartacus - Blood and Sand. And I was gonna get the tattoo of the logo too :(
Bravo - I will miss your Saturday morning entertainments, your Friday night shows and your late night 'happy tissue' moments . . .
It's just been removed from the listing from Sky channels and it is a huge loss to us all. To me, anyway. That channel had tonnes of my favourite shows - Gameface, Dog the BH, Spartacus - Blood and Sand. And I was gonna get the tattoo of the logo too :(
Bravo - I will miss your Saturday morning entertainments, your Friday night shows and your late night 'happy tissue' moments . . .
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Christmas Games I've Barely Started
Happy New Year! Hope that everybody has started the new year with a bang and are already rocking and a rolling their way to their goals. We went to a brilliant new years house party and then had the added bonus of hangovers that only made it to a 7/10 on the "oh fucking hell somebody just smash my head in with a fucking axe this hurts so much" scale. All in all a great way to start the new year.
As Christmas has come and gone for another year so the half played with pressies are littered around the house, top amongst these being the assortment of video games that I've dabbled with but not had the time to really throw myself into.
1. Assassins Creed Brotherhood - I hated the first one, enjoyed the second one until the ending but so far haven't managed to get into the 3rd. I've played it for a couple of hours but I'm still at the dicking around in the Villa stage. The second one seemed to grab you by the scruff of the neck much more and it's going to take some serious will power to get fully immersed in this. It's a present so of course I'll see it through to the end. Chance of me completing - 100%
2. Grand Tourismo 5 - Loved the first, never played any of the others until this one. Only bought it because it promised proper 3D gaming. It does, but it's crap. 3D works best when the camera doesn't move much and objects move freely (in and out) within shot. FPS stuff in 3D looks shit, no matter how much you turn up the depth. 3rd person replays on the other hand look amazing. All style over substance, possibly, and the same could be said about the rest of the game. It's neither simulation enough nor arcadey enough to just be a fun blast. The Xbox has 3 racing games that piss all over this so why would I choose to play it? Chance of me completing it - 25%. Chances of the replays being shown off as an example of 3D gaming - 100%
3. Trials HD - I don't have many friends on xbox live choosing to only play people I actually know in real life, not random American kids who still think tea-bagging and shouting owned is why xbox live was invented. I noticed that most of my mates had started playing this and my competitive streak just wouldn't let it go. I rule. Love it, brilliant fun. The only niggle I have and it's a niggle I've used about games before, is that the difficulty goes from taking 30 seconds to complete a stage with no faults to taking 10 minutes with 150 faults in the time it takes to boil a kettle. Other than that fucking stunning. Chance of me completing it - 50% (although it won't be through a lack of trying, just another 5 minutes.....)
4. WRC 2010 - Ever since I bought the force feedback wheel I wanted to try a rally game. I've played just about everyone going back to Toyota Celica and Lombard RAC on the Amiga so if there's one genre I know a bit about it's this. There are so many things not great about this game, the presentation is a bit dull, the way it lets you retry a stage numerous times, the graphics aren't right up there. BUT something makes up for all that, the car handling. They've nailed it and with the wheel dialed in properly this game is just hours and hours of fun. You do need to turn of all the driver aids and use a manual gear box and it will take you lots of time to get good (having to practice at a game does not make it a shit game) but once you get in the zone it's a real stunner. There is no comparison between playing this game with a wheel and GT5 in 3D in terms of an immersive gaming experience, WRC 2010 wins hands down (maybe I need a wheel for GT5, there's a thought). Chance of me completing it - 100%
I also have Art Academy on the DS cos I like to draw but admitting that would be a bit gay so I'll leave it out.
As Christmas has come and gone for another year so the half played with pressies are littered around the house, top amongst these being the assortment of video games that I've dabbled with but not had the time to really throw myself into.
1. Assassins Creed Brotherhood - I hated the first one, enjoyed the second one until the ending but so far haven't managed to get into the 3rd. I've played it for a couple of hours but I'm still at the dicking around in the Villa stage. The second one seemed to grab you by the scruff of the neck much more and it's going to take some serious will power to get fully immersed in this. It's a present so of course I'll see it through to the end. Chance of me completing - 100%
2. Grand Tourismo 5 - Loved the first, never played any of the others until this one. Only bought it because it promised proper 3D gaming. It does, but it's crap. 3D works best when the camera doesn't move much and objects move freely (in and out) within shot. FPS stuff in 3D looks shit, no matter how much you turn up the depth. 3rd person replays on the other hand look amazing. All style over substance, possibly, and the same could be said about the rest of the game. It's neither simulation enough nor arcadey enough to just be a fun blast. The Xbox has 3 racing games that piss all over this so why would I choose to play it? Chance of me completing it - 25%. Chances of the replays being shown off as an example of 3D gaming - 100%
3. Trials HD - I don't have many friends on xbox live choosing to only play people I actually know in real life, not random American kids who still think tea-bagging and shouting owned is why xbox live was invented. I noticed that most of my mates had started playing this and my competitive streak just wouldn't let it go. I rule. Love it, brilliant fun. The only niggle I have and it's a niggle I've used about games before, is that the difficulty goes from taking 30 seconds to complete a stage with no faults to taking 10 minutes with 150 faults in the time it takes to boil a kettle. Other than that fucking stunning. Chance of me completing it - 50% (although it won't be through a lack of trying, just another 5 minutes.....)
4. WRC 2010 - Ever since I bought the force feedback wheel I wanted to try a rally game. I've played just about everyone going back to Toyota Celica and Lombard RAC on the Amiga so if there's one genre I know a bit about it's this. There are so many things not great about this game, the presentation is a bit dull, the way it lets you retry a stage numerous times, the graphics aren't right up there. BUT something makes up for all that, the car handling. They've nailed it and with the wheel dialed in properly this game is just hours and hours of fun. You do need to turn of all the driver aids and use a manual gear box and it will take you lots of time to get good (having to practice at a game does not make it a shit game) but once you get in the zone it's a real stunner. There is no comparison between playing this game with a wheel and GT5 in 3D in terms of an immersive gaming experience, WRC 2010 wins hands down (maybe I need a wheel for GT5, there's a thought). Chance of me completing it - 100%
I also have Art Academy on the DS cos I like to draw but admitting that would be a bit gay so I'll leave it out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)