Benidorm In 1 Sentence

A great beach but nights wrecked by endless pissed up British chav families taking turns singing either Amy Winehouse, Adele or Taylor Swift.

I don't mind pissed Karaoke but do you really need to entertain us with the 40th different rendition of "Someone Like You" in the last 3 hours? Oh and as good as you think your 5 year old daughter is at singing, is a fucking pub at 3 in the morning really the most appropriate time to show it off?

Jesus that was a struggle to write cos I actually like the place.

Hola!

I'm in Spain, it's very hot and all is well with the world!

The best thing about Spain though isn't the weather, or the way you can get away with living in a pair of shorts, or not shaving but fitting in, it's the don't give a shit attitude. Even though they are right at the heart of that whole EU thing that gets blamed every time the UK becomes even more of a boring shit hole they just don't give a flying fuck about anything. Smoking, drinking, road safety, who cares. As for copyright, what copyright? I've seen more latest release blockbusters in the past 10 days than I've seen in 5 years back home. I'll be buying the ones I liked on Bluray when they come out...strange how that works. If I'd already paid £8 to go to the cinema chances are I wouldn't be buying the £15 Bluray. Saturday I watched the 3pm Premier League games from a pub with full English commentary.

As well as dodgy movies and lazing around the pool it's been a great holiday all around, even the bits of work I've had to do isn't so bad when you can do it from a warm sunny balcony overlooking frolicking chicks in the pool, sure beats the hell out of being locked in a box room looking at a damp cold IOM. If only they didn't hate immigrants so much I could get used to this ;)

Regrets

I really REALLY should have said fuck it and went out in the boat today.

Sproston Green - When Music Was Good

I've been meaning to do a post of my favourite 10 songs of all time (mainly so I can put a marker down in history and then moan at myself 10 years down the line) but every time I start it I end up getting distracted (note to self, saving is your friend). Here's one from it anyway:-

Cock-knockers

This island is full of them, and sooner or later (sooner, much sooner) the "me,me me's" are going to fuck up this place so badly that all that will be left are a couple of thousand government workers demanding pay rises and more pensioners than you can throw a stick at. All clinging to a rock shouting and screaming about what they want from their friends who they've voted in again.

In the meantime I think I'm going to block all access to any sort of local news, if somebody could just give me a shove when it's all over I'd be grateful.

Reality Bites - VAT Black Hole

This was posted nearly 3 weeks ago....yet it's only today we'll hear any confirmation on it from our elected leaders. This is something that will affect the lives of every normal person living on the Isle of Man. By the time this is finished Public Sector salaries and the various state benefits will account for considerably more than 80% of the islands total income. You can't function like that, something will have to give and in a massive way.

Isle of Man In The Shit

There are so many problems that it's hard to know where to start. I suppose you can look at the local population and taxes, except that for normal people the island is not a low tax environment. When everything is taken into account we are not that much better off than most EU states or the UK for that matter. There is also the cost of living. For those of us born here we've been told to accept the ridiculous cost of living (don't get me started on that fucking rant) because it's balanced by taxes and ever so slighlty higher average earnings. Except the average earnings figures are skewed by an extremely generous public sector and those massive earners the government is so keen to attract. Outside of goverment most people are not earning £25k a year. How can you possibly increase taxes on those amounts by enough to even make a dent in that hole and still give people enough take home to live? It doesn't add up. How many normal working class people will want to stay here with such limited services and being taxed through the nose to pay for them?

The other side of the coin is that government cuts costs. Except that they have already proven themselves totally incapable of doing that (Much easier to fiddle the GDP figures). Right now, this very minute, there will be people sat in their government offices reading magazines, playing solitaire or even better sat staring into space who will expect a pay rise. They will moan about how hard they have it. I know this for a fact because I spent a couple of years amongst them before I was driven to the brink of insanity. They have done this for years and they will do it till they retire. This is their right, along with a generous pension and job for life. The bill for this is around 320 million pounds a year...and it only ever gets bigger. We also have an amazing benefits system, even in the worst of times there is always more money for those on a fixed income. Yes, as if the majority of people working don't get a fixed amount each week/month. So you've got the untouchables of salaries and benefits, what's left? That's just it, not a lot. Not enough to run a country, never mind provide what tax payers want for their money.

I'm no expert but I reckon we're screwed this time. We've obligated ourselves to the millionaires lifestyle on the income of a Government EO. A good salary all the same but it doesn't buy a Ferrari.

"Treasury Minister Anne Craine is due to make a statement about the VAT revenue sharing agreement with the United Kingdom, with speculation the changes could eventually cost the Island another £75 million a year.

At the same time government departments will ask the court to approve £5 million in spending.

...while North Douglas MHK Bill Henderson will continue his campaign over the loss of jobs on the Island's railways. (5 jobs to be exact, out of a workforce of 8000)"" - From Manx Radio

Sharktopus

I was out fishing yesterday and caught an Octopus and a Shark (technically a fucking huge Tope, but still a shark). The not very friendly tope didn't hang around for pitcures when I finally (30 minutes later) got him to the surface however I have got a video of the Octopus and was going to Youtube it, then apathy kicked in and I couldn't be arsed. That is all.

Update:- Beats doing some work I suppose.

A Week In The Life

Monday 27th June

I was up very early to catch the tides and have a play with my new metal detector. It wasn't a warm day and it was also very windy but it was all made worthwhile when I found my first thing that couldn't be described as modern rubbish. It's made of brass, it looks like it's been shot but I have no idea what the hell it is? It does have some writing engraved into it but so far I can't read it:-

Tuesday

Tuesday was stinking hot. I made it to my gym class in the morning but instead of working during the afternoon I decided to get myself a day license for the reservoirs. I caught this:-





Well actually 2 of them but I always like to put the first fish of the day back. I uspet a lot of fly fishermen who looked like they'd been there for the day. Between the six of them I didn't see anybody catch anything. For £15 I want something for the pot. Tuesday night the girls arrived back on the island after their dancing comp.

Wednesday

Work day. I worked from about 8am till sometime around 9pm

Thursday

Gym until mid morning and then some hardcore work for the rest of the day. I managed to get something working just right for 3-4 hours which brought in a tasty $700.

Friday

Housework. Daughter is having a sleepover on the Saturday and I had plans so that meant any cleaning had to be brought forward. The joy of having both of us working full time is that housework only tends to get done on a needs must basis. In this case it meant a full day of cleaning for me. At least it was appreciated which makes it all worthwhile.

Saturday

Boat day. Me and Mrs B ventured out for the day on the boat (the wifes first trip of the year). Within 20 minutes she'd managed to catch this:-



Which is frankly the biggest fish I've seen landed in a long time. For somebody who had never even used that type of rod and reel before Mrs B did amazingly well to even get the thing to the surface, never mind in the boat. We caught lots more but all were put back. Saturday night I watched the Haye vs Klitchsko fight in 3D. Well I say in 3D, the wife complained so much that it ended up being mostly 2D. There was the sleepover which all went to plan and we were so knackered that nothing was going to keep us awake.

Sunday

Another boat day for me whilst the girls went of to the Tynwald Garden Party - obviously I wasn't invited. The weather forecast was completely wrong and what should have been a lovely day was in fact a pile of crap, something which only really occured when I was about 12 miles from home. It was a very bumpy trip back. Chinese for tea and I slept the sleep of a thousands sleeps. I was dead on my feet by 10 o'clock.

Monday

Work, lots of it. Then the reality that the weather has been given to change tomorrow and our hedge desperately needs cutting. At about 4 in the afternoon I whip out the hedgecutter and ladder and set about it. Just as I'm finished something goes quite badly wrong. The ladder flips leaving me flying through the air with a hedge cutter dangling between my legs! Before I can stop it, it has banged of my foot (thankyou toe caps) and gone straight through the mains cable fully accompanied by a lot of smoke and sparks. I end up flat on my back with a hedge cutter resting on my leg and a live cable draped across me. The reality of the situation kicks in and I move very slowly. I don't suppose there's ever a good time to snuff it but as far as weeks go that one takes some beating.



Of course if I die at the end of this week where I have nothing planned but mountains of work I'll be pretty pissed off.

To Wash or Not to Wash!

Do you remember the old days? You went out for a couple of hours drinking and as soon as you got home all your clothes went in the wash basket as they stunk of cigarettes and “Pub”.

But what is the etiquette now? I had 3 hours in the Pub last night, but as no one smokes, are my clothes ready for the wash or do they see another day of wear?

Metal Detecting

The Beach Detecting Dream

The Reality

You spend 4 hours walking up and down a wind swept beach digging up every tin can that's been dropped in the last 5 years. Then just to add to the joy you discover that every other rock on the beach is actually fucking ferrous, of course you don't realise the full magnitude of this until you've dug up your third boulder and broke your spade. Plus my right arm feels like it's going to drop off and my feet are piss wet through.

But I can think of much worse ways of spending a sunny Thursday morning :)

Update:- I've just found out I spent 4 hours on the wrong beach! Talk about all the gear with no idea. It takes a very special person to mix up 2 of our lovely Manx Glens in such a fucked up way.

Manx Ass Syndrome

You're probably wondering what Manx Ass Syndrome is? It's something that afflicts ladies of a certain age who live on the Isle of Man, ladies who should be in the prime of their lives and at their hottest. Somehow and for a reason that science has failed to diagnose (although the diet of chips cheese and gravy, lager and counting Facebook as a sport, may have something to do with it) they develop a massive fat ass. Some are immune, mainly it seems those from Eastern European descent, it must be in the genes, but for most of the women living on the rock Manx Ass is an inevitable reality. Damn you nature.

As a man you expect there to be certain places that you can go for a break from Manx Ass, like a gym for example. Imagine my shock this morning then when one of the newer personal trainers appeared with what can only be described as muffin chub peaking over the top of her lycras! A personal trainer FFS! It looked like she'd hoiked her ass up over the top of her pants, cunning perhaps but not enough to fool somebody who has grown up surrounded by Manx Ass. If personal trainers aren't safe then who is?!

I can only hope that medical science advances at a pace that those of the next generation aren't going to have to put up with this, cancer, aids (the bad type) are nasty, but there are things much much worse out there.

Wipeout HD

Some might say that I'm not really Sony's biggest fan, especially when it comes to the Playstation. When the first one came out I bought a Nintendo 64, when the PS2 came out I bought an X-Box, when the PS3 was released I was far more interested in the X-Box 360. I did get a PS3 but after about a week gave up on the games and only used it for Blurays. My problems with the Playstation were always quite simple, the controller was never designed for western hands and the games were always way over rated. There was nothing on the PS1 that could come close to Ocarina of Time, nothing on the PS2 that could touch Halo and as for the PS3, when you compare the same game between that and the 360 I've never seen a game that plays better (it's a personal choice) on the PS3. Even the Sony exclusives were hyped beyond death by Sony fanboys and whenever I bought them it would end in disapointment (Gran Tourismo 5 - OK'ish, Little Big Planet - shite, Killzone 2 - the only game I've ever smashed up and thrown in the bin).

Keep all that in mind then when I say that Wipeout HD is one of the most enjoyable 20-30 minute blasts of a game I think I've ever played in my life. Everything about it works perfectly, the generous controls, the crisp visuals, the lack of bugs and a soundtrack that whilst not my thing fits perfectly with the game. It's fucking brilliant. And even better Sony are giving it away for free, it's one of the 5 games you get to pick from as part of the Sony sorry package. But there's even one more Brucie Bonus, if' you've got a 3D TV and update to the latest patch then it's also a full on 3D game and it works a damn sight better that GT5 or even CoD Black Ops. It's the best 3D game I've played to date. You can't beat free, unless it's free 3D.

Irony

People on Manx Forums moaning about how the outside world may judge the island because of the TT. That will be the same TT that the island is most famous for (not some shitty Government statistic, I travel a lot and generally it's the only thing people know about the island* when I mention where I come from) and contributes a massive wedge of cash to the pot?

The contribution of Manx Forums to the island? To paint us as a bunch of inbred, wannabe know it all, Grade A fucking idiots, with a collection of about 40 brain cells to share between the lot of us.

When it comes to the TT I'm a neutral, I undertsand it's an important part of life on the island and I like the extra activity going on around the place but on the flip side I could happily live without it. I'm not fussed. As for Manx Forums, I'd be more than happy to see them banned.

* From tour guides in Turkey to sign painters from Alaska.

It's The TT

I think that just about covers our required quota, if you're on the Isle of Man or have a website connected with the Isle of Man and don't mention the TT then you're just not with it. This is our contribution to this years media fest.

In other news, my head still hurts. At what point does a hangover stop being a hangover, instead becoming some sort of brain mentalism? 8 days has got to be some sort of record.

ps You can catch live TT timings and a live radio stream by following the links.

My Head Hurts

Once I'd took the decision to go out and watch the Champions League final on Saturday it was never going to end well. I was either going to be celebrating or drowning my sorrows (the latter as it turned out) and the result would be messy. How messy is hard to put into words because there are far too many blanks, including the hour where I seemed to teleport 12 miles across the island. I literally don't have the first fucking clue how I managed to turn up at my front door. At least this time I managed to remember that I live in Douglas and didn't try to go back to my old house (circa 2001).

This would all be good fun except that it's now Tuesday and my head still feels like it's stuck in a vice and my guts are doing their best impression of the magical shitting monster. If I had a job to go to this would be bad, as it is it just means I slob around earning bugger all and feeling sorry for myself. Well normally it would. However, because the wife is off work sick I have to look like I'm being productive, this means some old school waste your day web surfing which turfs up the odd video gem like this one:-

My New Favourite Thing To Hate

Women (it's always women) who insist on calling people honey when commenting on a blog. Why do it? Isn't honey something that should be saved for your nearest and dearest? Or at the very least people you actually bloody know?

Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

More Ying And Yang

The ace thing about being one of the first people to sign up with Gmail is that I got my firstname.surname@gmail.com e-mail address. This is cool and makes giving out my address really easy. If I was single I'm sure I could impress loads of hot chicks at the bar by dropping my super sweet GMail address.

On the negative side, now that GMail has grown into a behemoth it seems that at least half of the people in the world who share my name are giving out my e-mail address as their bastard contact address. Word of mouth I could understand, but just how stupid do you have to be to put a wrong e-mail address on your CV or a job application?

Is there any etiquette you are supposed to follow for this kind of thing, or maybe a standard reply for when you're answering somebody elses e-mail for the 4th time today?

Diet Coke Mentos Goes Wrong

I nearly fell of my chair laughing.

Cuts And Beds

Definitely Cut
X-Box Live Gold Membership
LoveFilm Account
Weekly Takeaway
Having The Fucking Heating On In May

On The Chopping Block
Gym Membership
Boat Insurance
Window Cleaner

We need a new bed (well mattress really but if you're going to buy a mattress you may as well get a whole new bed? Chick logic.), what age is it acceptable to start thinking about one of those memory foam jobbies? 60, 65? I'm just looking for some ammunition for when the topic is raised. :)

Fool Proof Way Of Cutting Your Tax Bill

Taxes...boo. However I've found an absolutely fool proof way of cutting down how much tax you pay. It's not illegal, you'll not get in to any trouble and what's more you can start saving next month. How? All you need to do is cut down how much you're paid.

I've seen my income slashed by about 70% in the last month (fuck you pay freeze whingers) and I can tell you for a fact the amount of tax I'll be paying into the pot is going to be way less this year. In fact if I can just fuck up my business that tiny little bit more the government will start giving me money instead! Sweet.

And some people call me negative.