Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas Wrap-Up

Ho ho ho and all that shit. Here's a quick round-up of how things are going -

The lads Christmas day out was on the 8th of December this year and went very well for the rest of the lads (as far as I can gather nobody was arrested, hospitalised or divorced post event). My guts are still crap and even though I only had 4 or 5 drinks all day before calling it an early finish I have suffered, oh how I've suffered!  In fact today is the first day I've not looked pregnant and managed to unload something half normal, I'm going to call him Mr Hanky.  I could live without drinking the rest of the year but I used to enjoy a few at Christmas.

The people who dicked me over have now themselves been shafted to a whole new level of financial pain and misery. Shame.  I may send them a Christmas card with a pound note in it to show there is no hard feelings.  I don't like the world of finance so plans have been made in the New Year to take a step back to what I do enjoy.

All presents are bought, not wrapped, that's my rock and roll weekend planned.  I say all, I mean all the presents I needed to get, which is everything except the wifes family and friends.  The Mrs has once again decided the best policy was to wait until this week and then shop local.  No point arguing because she will never learn. I'm not doing a last minute online order with extra postage to make up for it this year, I like to see it as training.  Expect a similar blog post this time next year.

Other than that all systems go, a few bits of food left to get but then we're ready for action.  If I don't see you beforehand have a very Merry Christmas and all things being well I'll see the lads for the new years party.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Do Yourself A Favour

Enjoy a bit of Christmas spirit, take a look at this lady's amazing story:-

Support the Facebook page then buy the track from either Amazon or iTunes

Buy From Amazon

Buy From iTunes

I fucking hate cancer, just the word is bad enough never mind the puking shit, rotting away, body eating itself reality.  To meet it head on with a smile on your face is more than I think I or most could handle but the way this girl just ploughs on is pure inspiration.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Better Stick To Digging Holes

There's nothing that says "thank you for making us a really successful company from nothing, oh and rich!!!" better than 3 years into a long term deal declaring "fuck you we can't find our copy of the agreement no more money for you."  Knowing fine well that anything I show them will be pulled apart because they plain and simple want to keep everything for themselves.  Oh the joy.

Even worse in the world of business and finance acceptable ways of dealing with this seem to be:-

1.  I'm going to tell my lawyer on you
2.  Fake pleasant e-mails that have to end in Kind Regards
3. Cry

Where as according to people wiser than me these are not acceptable ways of resolving the issue:-

1.  Physical violence
2.  Nipping around the office for a quiet "word"
3.  Destroying their business & personal reputations

Sniveling little 2 bit office waller shit bags that wouldn't know about honor if it jumped up and took a dump on their face, and the world is full of them, they are everywhere. It's no wonder Corporate Lawyers earn so much with so many people willing to dick people over.  Anyhoo, it's a valuable lesson learned, it's also a very small island which makes this sort of nonsense even stupider.  But what can you do?  Dig holes that's what.

Monday, October 29, 2012

New York Webcam

Live broadcast by Ustream

Worst Hurricane ever?  Looks like a normal summers day on the Isle of Man.

(And I still haven't seen Godzilla)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

DIY Or Not To DIY?

After 10 years of looking at the same wallpaper it's finally been decided that a holiday will be dropped from the schedule and we are going to decorate.  When I say we I don't mean me because of all the things in all the worlds, the one thing I won't and will never do is hanging wallpaper.  Painting yes, wallpaper no.  It goes back to GCSE art when in order to qualify to do the course you had to draw a box in 3D, I had every angle back to front so it had the perspective of being in the box looking out., my teacher was disgusted, I am fucking shit at anything that requires an artistic eye, I have artistic dyslexia.  To be honest I also wasn't that keen on getting involved in the knocking stuff down, making things good, general bits and pieces side of things either, I have a rapidly failing business, cash I have (for the time being), time I don't.  My plan was simple, spend cash and get a pro in to do it.

The wife had other ideas, why pay for labour when you can do it yourself and then spend that money on many lovely things for your new living room.  Just to be clear here I wasn't exactly being stingy with the budget but anyhoo, every penny saved on labour is a penny to be spent on stuff!  Giving the wife credit she did throw herself into this and did a great job of stripping the walls but even so I found myself getting too involved.  I didn't want anything to do with it, spend money, do nothing.  So when the plan on relying on favours finally looked like it was going to drag out I convinced her that it would be better to go with my plan and just pay somebody.  I would stump up the extra cash on top of the original budget.  How hard can it be, get estimates from painters and decorators and have them do it, it's what they do day in and day out surely?  Or so you'd think.  In my keenness to pay somebody I'd forgotten my one golden rule of dealing with the trades, nothing is every straight forward.  The only estimate we've had back so far has been the usual shit* where as what I want is "here is a room, make it look nice, I'm going out to work, see you later".  To be fair though the other 2 lads that have come around have looked a lot keener to actually do the work, just waiting to hear back from them now, fingers crossed.  It's still got me thinking, like I said we don't decorate on this scale very often so what the hell to other people do?  That first painter & decorator we had in seemed genuinely surprised that everything wasn't pristine for him to just slap some wallpaper on, surely by the time you've prepped everything you might as well just do the decorating yourself?  And by yourself I mean my wife.  Is it just us again or do painters and decorators usually walk into rooms where everything is exactly how they want it ready for chucking up some wallpaper?  The key here is I don't mind paying, I'm not expecting freebies chucked in, I just want to pay you to do the work so I don't have to! 

*An example of the usual shit:- We had a fence blow down, we got somebody in to replace it (I was too busy with work).  The conversation went along the lines, yes we can do your fence no problem, if you just get up to B&Q and get the panels you want, you'll also need some new posts so if you can sort them out and get them set ready for us, it's probably only 1 days work to put the fence up (it was 3 panels).  Oh and you'll need to get rid of the old fence first.  All I could do was shake my head and laugh as I tried to explain to him that if I was sorting out the panels (we don't have a van), tipping the old fence and putting in new posts I might as well attach the panels to the posts myself.  It was lost on him, he did actually think I was going to pay him a days labour to screw on 3 fence panels. I replaced the fence.

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Well I had to give up trying to get blood tests at the hospital, after spending a whole day phoning an engaged/off the hook phone eventually I gave the doctors a call and they said they could do my blood tests the next day, result.  Monday was in fact results day and they even phoned me, how's that for good service?  The good news is that I will live at least another couple of months, the bad news is that there is something wrong and I have to go for more tests in a couple of months to confirm that was is wrong is really wrong and then if it is...well I don't know what happens from there, probably lots of painkillers for ever.  Frankly after having to spend another night trying to sleep on the floor because of the pain I couldn't give a toss what it is as long as there's an answer to it.  It also means that I may get to have an x-ray done without having to wait 6 months+ for a consultant but I'll not hold my breath on that one.

Other than being in pain I've been playing a lot of Borderlands 2.  It's very similar to the first one but with some minor tweaks and quite a few more bugs (not the type that you shoot).  I've got loads of work to do at the moment and I knew I shouldn't have bought it, I forgot that I'd pre-ordered, it's just one of those games that steals days from you.  Before you know it half an hour turns into 5 hours and you're still chasing those few extra experience points to level-up.  I just keep on telling myself that the sooner I complete it the better because I can get back to work without any distractions.  I was the same with the first game so there's nothing new in any of this, I'm just getting older and easily distracted by anything that's not work, I think my productive years are behind me! Anyhoo, it is very good and if there's anybody looking for a game to eat up the hours and enjoys FPS/RPG type stuff then give it a go.    

Finally, I just checked on my fishing diary and it looks like we've had a total of 3 weeks summer this year. A week the end of March, a fairly nice week the end of May and that good week in August, that's yer lot.  The rest of it was a pile of wank.  What a happy thought that is with Christmas rapidly approaching and only 6 months to go till the next chance of a nice week.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Finally took the time to go back to the doctors yesterday to try and get my back sorted once and for all (it's only been a year).  New Doctor is ace, hardly any wait, very friendly, wanting to look into things straight away...not a pain killer prescription in sight.

Then today I tried to get the ball rolling, a trip to the hospital first to schedule the x-ray.  Denied.  I am not over 55 so they will not x-ray my spine (no matter what the doctor who has just examined me says).  I'm 100% fucking sure that whatever dose of radiation they need is going to be of fook all consequence compared to the pain I've got to live in, but heh ho, it's the Isle of Man, "Where You Can!"  So I decided to go and book my blood tests instead, denied.  Having wasted an hour up at the hospital enough was enough so I came home to try and book the blood clinic appointment over the phone.  Denied.  25 minutes of trying with no joy, I'll try again later but the phone appears to be off the hook.

Finally, fucked off with having wasted yet another large chunk of my day trying to get this shit sorted I headed off to the chemist to pick up the prescription, this can't go wrong?  Denied.  The medication in question is in long term short supply on the island so I can either drive around the island hoping somebody has some old stock or go back to the doctor for a different prescription.

The Isle of Man....full off useless cunts.  Here's an idea, sack a few scrounging wastrels who do fuck all but push paper around and buy some fucking medicine so that I can then pay you for it.  Twats.

Update---- The phone is now back on the hook, but permanently engaged, at least it's progress!


Monday, September 17, 2012

Gym Toilets

Frankly Egypt smells better.  I don't know what they put in those protein shake things but if that's what falls out the other end then it can't be good for you.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Fat Kids In Liverpool T-Shirts

What is it that makes the little fuckers so determined to not see their next birthday?  If they're not jumping out into traffic they're falling of walls or running face first into a lamppost!  The dad in me really wanted to check to see if he was alright, the Manchester United supporter in me wanted to just roll on the floor pissing myself laughing*

* To be fair his own dad was also creased up laughing, well right up until the point where the screaching started anyway.

Friday, August 17, 2012

This Is Why Google Is Fucking Evil

See last post for context.

Porsche, Range Rover Or......

When you're a dot com billionaire how you get around is very important.  Me, I've always chosen to fly below the radar, first of all opting for the bus.  Then when the bus became more expensive than running a car (40k for a fucking bus driver, no wonder!) I decided to inherit the wifes old Rover.  What a beast, complete with the dodgiest wiring this side of Chernobyl, windows that didn't work and the sort of bubbling rust that would make the Titanic jealous. 

But all good things come to an end and so it was with the Rover, it was time for the knackers yard and time for me to splash some of that cash on a quality vehicle.  I never knew it would be so hard to pick a car.  When I was younger I would just go for something fast, sticky and stupidly expensive to insure.  That is where I started the search, from hot-hatches (I'm too old), to my dream Porsche (too young for my mid life crisis), to the practical Range Rover (great for towing the boat...cough...twice a year, but our drive is too small and the wife would want a bigger house ;)), to a Van.  I really really wanted a van to the point where I went to look at a couple but there was just always that nagging doubt of extra road tax, I'd probably use it for carrying stuff twice a year and what happens if I'm on taxi duty for the daughter and friends?  Bugger.

So after weeks of scouring adverts and going to look at things that I always want straight away and then change my mind after hours of deep thought later on do you know what I've settled on?  A Ford Fiesta.  Cheap to insure, cheap to run, it's practical enough for 99% of my day to day stuff.  It is a "nice" car.  Nice.  A nice car.  Fucking hell sometimes I hate me!

Saturday, July 28, 2012


I have none, fact.  Also, how the fuck did I manage to work in offices for 7+ years with so many bitchy 30/40 something women?  It is like being back in the playground and maybe it's just my older less tolerant self but I don't think I'd last a week in that sort of place any more.  How do you fellas do it?  If early retirement as a millionaire isn't motivation enough to pull my finger out I guess keeping me out of offices full of fucking idiots will do.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Why Lie?

There are probably times in life when things can be made a bit easier with a little lie, for example when the wife asks you anything...anything at all.  Dealing with a customer in your phone shop doesn't come across as one of those times so why does it seem that every time I have to deal with Manx Telecom they lie to me?

Manx Telecom are getting rid of the vast majority of their free Internet allowance on their mobile contracts (unless you buy a data add-on) so I decided to switch my contract to Sure, when I set off to do this at 10 this morning I assumed like a mental that I wasn't the first person to ever try and do this,  to be honest the service I got in Sure made it sound that way as well.  An hour tops she said, it took 45 minutes, with 1 stumbling block, my phone was network locked.

Bit of a bugger but nothing serious, 2 minutes later I was in the MT shop waiting to be served.  Happily enough I explained the problem.  The young lad told me I hadn't bought the phone from them because they don't lock them.  I explained again I had, 500 fucking quid, I remember it very well.  He denied it again.  Still in pleasant mode I explained I had bought it from them, I don't know where THEY bought it from but I'd definitely bought it from them.  So he eventually agreed to look, took the information he needed to get me an unlock code (if I had bought it from them) and disappeared out the back.  Another 2 minutes passed and he came back, admitted they had sold me the phone, it was an O2 phone and he had contacted them, took my details and said he'd phone me with the code within a couple of hours.  This is all very dull.  I was still very nice.  But he was lying.

6 hours later I have given up waiting and have just spent 20 minutes on the phone to Manx Telecom being passed from pillar to post.  If I have to explain to one more person that yes I bought my fucking phone from you and yes it is fucking locked I may go postal.  Eventually I speak to somebody who takes the time to look, no it wasn't an O2 phone, no they didn't phone them, no it won't take "about 2 hours".  The reality, I don't know where the hell Manx Telecom sourced my phone before selling it to me, nor do I give a shit.  They have e-mailed (excellent customer service right there) whoever it was and it may take a couple of days to get a response.  Frankly I was happy to have been told the truth, the SIM gets chucked in another phone for the time being, no biggy.  Isn't the truth great.

So why did that little sod lie in the first place?  What was the point?  I was being nice, I wasn't being shouty, all I wanted was my phone unlocking so I could use my new SIM in it.  They thought it shouldn't be locked, I thought it shouldn't be locked, get it unlocked and no harm done.  I hate this crap, there's just no need for it at all.  It makes me write really boring blog posts just to whinge about their shit customer service and that does nobody any favours, especially not on an island where you have no choice but to use Manx Telecom for some things.  

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

3 Things I Noticed This Week

1. England football fans are fucking idiots. They are acting all cool like they're not expecting much but then at the first sign that the team isn't a sack of wank* it's the usual "we're going to win it" shit. Football isn't coming home, 3 lions on your shirt mean fuck all when you fall over at the first sign of somebody invading your personal space and there is more pass and move in the local girls under 12 team.

2. Nobody in Europe likes the English. That is all.

3. Women and migraines. How come they never have a migraine when it's something they want to do? Oh no I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight drinking because I have a migraine, never heard it. Home early from work? You want to do what with that? Migraines ahoy. Also, men don't get migraines, we just have the odd headache, usually for a reason, that reason being something other than us having to do something we don't want to do.

*They must have been watching a different game to me, other than Ireland they are the worst team in the tournament by a long way.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Nearly £35k A Year To Move Bags

Holy Mother Fucking Shit. At least the Bus Drivers need to pocess "some" skill to earn their £40k.

1. I know time served, fully qualified, professional software developers who earn a lot lot less than this.

2. Don't even get me started on how this compares to what nurses earn, the world has gone mad.

3. This isn't anywhere near the limit of the cushy little government numbers on the go, somebody should ask how much you can make CLEANING the buses.

4. The sooner we escape this retarded little inbred shit hole island ran by union fucktards the better.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Bear Grylls Sacked


Survivorman is much better. For a start he only kills and eats stuff because he's hungry, not because he's some sort of twat that gets a kick out of trying to batter everything he comes across to death "for the viewers".

Thursday, March 01, 2012

I Don't Know How Anybody Does It

I see they are wanting school kids to get into programming now? This isn't a bad idea, everybody claims to be a programmer these days yet how many actually know the core skills (we're not talking copy and paste from examples on the web here)?

But I do worry what they are letting themselves in for because maybe I'm just getting old but I've had my fill of it. Back in the good old days you could write a good program in say 6 months and then 3 years later it would still be a good program. For the past 5 or so years I've noticed that by the time I've finished something (using super new RAD tools, so a matter of weeks to finish a project) it is already out of date. 90% of stuff is now so reliant on the Internet and yet the Internet changes so much on a day to day basis that writing solid software is an almost impossible task, it's a major pain in the ass. We live in a world of constant updates, what the hell was ever wrong with if it's not broke don't fix it? Why can't we have good old protocols like SMTP, POP3, FTP any more? I wrote programs in 1997 around those and they still work great! However I've got software that I wrote in 2010 to take advantage of certain web services using SOAP and they might as well not exist. All it takes is some twat on the other side of the world to "update" something and all your work is for shit. Bastards.

Listen to me kids, forget computers, forget programming, do something real with your lives. Learn how to fix pipes, play with wires or build walls. This computer lark is just bullshit. Bring on the Zombie apocalypse.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's Not All Doom And Gloom

If you look closely at those figures (taken from this years Budget Press meeting) what you'll see is massive growth in our economy in 2013-2014 and 2014-2015. Wow man, just look how those government income figures explode doing away with the need to pillage reserves! That sort of growth way outstrips anything we've seen for many a year on the island, I wonder where it's coming from? Or maybe, just maybe, somebody plucked a couple of numbers out of their ass and stuck it into a spreadsheet? Europe is predicted to still be in a mess going throuigh 2015, the UK is predicted to still be in a mess going through 2015 and yet the Isle of Man expects to see nearly a 12% growth in Government income in 2 years.

But if it's in an Excel spreadsheet it must be true.

Friday, February 17, 2012

In Job News

My daughter has managed to get a job. The interview was organised by the school and by all accounts it went very well, flawless in fact, an offer was made immediately so that's all good. She' hasn't told me when she is due to start..

Oh she's just telling me something.........

What do you fucking mean it wasn't a real interview and there was no job? What the fuck is a mock interview? Bastards.

(2 updates in 1 day, that should cover the posting quota for the first 6 months of this year, I can go back to being sick now)

Are Nurseries Important?

There's been a lot of understandable anger on the rock in the last 24 hours, news that government nurseries and pre-school facilities are to close has not gone down well! However for every angry mother there is somebody else who will tell you that they've not had access to those sort of facilities anyway because of the post code lottery and another who will tell you that "whatever else" is more important than pre-school.

I have a lot of friends who are going to be affected by this (the early 30 somethings, desperate for kid crew) and if you were having kids on the understanding that the facilities were going to be there it must be a hell of a shock when the announcement comes they are to close. I feel shit for them.

Trouble is you have to think of it in terms of the VAT thingy ma' jib. When the dust settles the island will have lost a 3rd of its income - A WHOLE FUCKING THIRD. Imagine in your house what would happen if you lost a third? Life's priorities would suddenly change to Rent/Mortgage,Food and Heat. That's it. There is no room for anything else, like to haves, luxuries etc - all gone. This is what the Isle of Man faces. This is the reality of the situation, bound to be made worse by todays budget, but what I can't understand is how they can still pay thousands of paper pushers way above the market rate (£24k+ for an un-skilled, GCSE C in English administrator..really?????), not contribute realistic amounts towards their own pensions and spend hundreds of thousands of pounds relaying some pavements, all in this reality? Lose some of the non-jobs, make the poeple who benefit from the pension pay for it and leave the pavements in the same shitty state we've had to put up with when the times were good for fucks sake! It's no wonder people get pissed off.

How can you ever expect people to understand that you're on the bones of your ass when you're walking around with an open wallet for your mates to pillage?

Edit - Lets add some number for fun, just so people can see how desperate a hole the Isle of Man is in.

Government wages = £270 million
Benefits = £250 million

Isle of Man Governments Total Income = Not a whole lot more than that

Or For Simple People

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Give Me My Fucking Life Back

It's now more than 4 months since I felt an ever so slight twinge in my guts which has gone on to cause a whole fucktitude of problems. In those 4 months the very best I've felt is every so slightly better than utter shit. Christmas was a right off, New Year even more so. There have been times where I've been so creased in pain that I've just thought bollocks to the lot of it. My weight crashed by more than 2 stone, I'm weaker now than I have ever been.

My own doctor has been less than useless, cunt doesn't seem like a strong enough word, but given his name it'll have to do. I'm convinced he thinks I'm either after a sick note or imagining it. I didn't work a single day for 2 and a half months, I claimed fuck all, I never have, I never will. ALL I've wanted is to feel better. As for imagining it, I don't exactly fit into the hypocondriact bracket. I've put up with puking blood, dislocations, broken bones , without going near a doctor. Until this last 4 months I average a visit every 4 years. If I'm saying that this is hurting they I assure you it is fucking hurting.

But I decided against sitting on my arse waiting for Dr "If It's Not Cured With Pain Killers Then I Don't Give A Fuck" to do anything. I've contacted as many experts as possible, all have been helpful. I've gotten enough dietary advice and supplements to get me back eating again (soup and cereal was all I could keep down for more than 6 weeks) and I've even put on weight and am now holding steady. I'm still weak as a kitten, I can't do a single pull-up but...

Thanks to another experts "rough idea" diagnosis things are finally looking like there might be an end in sight. Typing this now I can't feel any pain around my lower back, nothing, my guts don't feel right but they don't feel anything like as wrong as they usually do. I went to the gym this morning and 1. wasn't sick 2. got the post exercise buzz. The last time I tried this in November I lasted 5 minutes and had to get a taxi home to bed.

Things aren't perfect, I still have a bastard lump where I shouldn't have, some numbness and a bit of pain plus it's only the first day I've felt even half right, but having some clue as to what is causing the problems at least lets me work on building up things around them. Either way it's got to be better than being told "I don't know" followed by a blank stare and then "bye" by your doctor. I wonder who do I write to to request a National Insurance refund?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Here We Go Again

Just Over A Week Ago - The Isle of Man Is A Lovely Place That Complies With Everybody

Today - We Piss Off More People With Our Taxes

Every-fucking thing we do over here to do with offshore finance, e-gaming, the shipping and aircraft registries, the captive market, it all relates to tax savings in one way or another, businesses and rich individuals DO NOT come here for the pleasant weather and friendly local work force. Until the fucking retards in charge (yeah we have new retards) realise this and learn to keep their/our heads down we're never going to be in the "clear". Pretending that we're best buddies with all these countries we have information exchange agreements with is just as big a "come and get us" flag as anything else.

In short, as long as the average wealth on the island is equal to or better than the UK then we're never going to get any peace, never. People need to stop pretending and accept it for what it is.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Barclays Are Still Useless

It's been a few years now since I stopped having anything to do with Barclays, it's nice to see that their standards haven't improved though and they are still the most useless fucking bank on the face of the planet.

The old man went in to shut his account last month, he's old so doesn't do things by e-mail or phone, he goes in person and speaks to bank staff like they are some sort of long lost friend. The "lovely" girl at Barclays told him it would be no problem and that his account was closed there and then...which he took at face value. Now 1 of 2 things should happen here:-

1. The remaining balance is transfered and the account is closed then and there (as said)

2. If there's a process to close the account everything stays as it is until the day the account is to be closed when a final balance transfer is processed

Not hard is it? Except what happened in this case was the remaining balance was transfered that day, the Barclays personal wanker says the account is closed, but in reality the account is left open with a zero balance. £2.60 to whoever can guess what happens next?

Just to prove that Barclays aren't the only usless bank on this very small island the IOM Bank haven't actually done all the direct debit transfers as they said. Of course the fall back on this is anybody trying to do a DD will have there request bounced cos the Barclays account is closed? If it's because they haven't processed the DD change form in time then GABOS on them, no doubt it would get sorted out along the line but like I said this hasn't happened.

Anyhoo, jump forward to today and what you see is direct debits coming out against the £0.00 balance STILL OPEN Barclays account and then a overdraft charge of £44 added on for good measure. You really are a bunch of useless twats of the highest order. So on seeing the statement I decide to question it, using the phone number given on the back of the statement, for enquiries. Nothing has changed at Barclays, nothing! I speak to somebody in their call centre who doesn't even want to know the account number, all he can repeat is it's not his fault and my old man will have to speak to the branch. No "I'll check the status of your account closure". No "Sorry about that, I'll make some enquiries". No fuck all. It's superb customer service.

So between 2 banks, they've both managed to do nothing of what they said they'd do, they've caused a lot of stress to an old man that's not long lost his wife and while they are it one of them has somehow managed to swindle £44 out of him for the pleasure. Take a fucking bow.