Such wonders

Golly. If you look hard enough you can find beauty in almost any environment!

I had sneezed on my monitor about – ooooh – an hour ago. The effect, as the liberally scattered bodily fluids have crystallised, is an amazing rainbow of coloured specs that seem to pick up the colours from my screen. Tilt my head a little and the colours dance and play and hypnotise. Freaky.

Can’t wait til I get a summer cold. If that was the effect from a lil’ sneeze, just imagine the effect when I get the ebola virus and heave a man-sized man-flu explosion at the screen!

My name is not Earl, but I do know that office life is the Karmic balance readjusting itself from all the fun in my previous lives.

What the Flip?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4648598.stm

Over 2,000 participants took part in the survey, and were asked what best described their view of the origin and development of life:

48% selected evolution theory
22% chose creationism
17% opted for intelligent design
13% did not know.

In my book that makes over half the population as idiots?? Do that many people still believe in God?

Aw well, what are you going to do?

The Weekend that was

Far to short a weekend, when is that 4 day working week going to start, that they were all going on about in the 70’s or so.

Anyway, I have a serious case of Xbox thumb, from playing too much over the weekend. Not bad enough to take the day off, but close. I also watched a couple of Rugby games as well just to give the thumb a rest. Although Halo at 1.30am after two bottles of wine, is a blast.

Sunday early evening saw the first Annual Hall Chinese New Years Party, which was a roaring success. As yet there have been no confirmed reports of illness after trying Ady’s, “Chicken Soup Surprise”, obviously the surprise was it wasn’t the least bit palatable. But having tried Ady’s fried egg and chocolate pizza, that wasn’t much of a surprise.

There were a lot of people, and lots of snacks and drinks. Everyone looked to be having a great time, and I only hope Paulie B, doing his first ever designated driver rota, managed to pull his wife away from the Margarita’s before she got too comfy on the couch.

Cheers to Hall & his Bev, for a great day. Although next year, Nemo asked can you invite some more chicks his age.

TV - American Style

Just watched "28 Days Later". Very good. Jolly well should be as it is made in Grand Britain.

However, I'm not sure what it's running time was in good old GB. But here, it took 3 hours. For example, there were 4 ad breaks in the last 30 minutes. Each break is 4 minutes long. Somewhat kills the suspense.

They show no adverts in the first 20 minutes of these epics and then increase their occurence as the audience is hooked.

Did you know that a standard primetime show (like frasier or king of queens) takes the following form:

Intro (which follows immediately on from previous show)
Break
Opening Credits
Break
5 mins of show
Break
5 mins of show
Break
Final witty one liner + Credits
which then roll into the next show.

They don't put breaks between shows. As people are more likely to get up and do something less boring instead.

One of the more bizarre things is that they run the trailer for the show your watching in the break in the show you're watching.

They do entire 1 hour episodes that 'bring you up to speed' on the series so far.

Some films are so long they're split them over two nights. Like a truly epic movie such as.....Harry Potter (admit it, you were expecting me to say LOTR)

If I ever hear anyone whinge about their TV licence I'll pee on them.

Shoot me.

For want of something better to post

For those of us who do not really understand what is going on in the world ....here are some unpublished letters to the editor:

The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up.
John

Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
Colum Hill

I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
Mrs Close

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff the BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.
Ben Hunt

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery.
L Palmer, London

The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.
P Boddington, Ringway

Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?
P, Leeds

Health Warning

SuDoku challenge’s can cause severe neck injuries… I was sat on the “throne” this morning for a good 30 mins, head bent doing the SuDoku quiz on my knee. When I finally got up, I had such a pain in my neck.

It is still hurting me now, and limited severely what I was able to do in the Gym.

I have a good mind to sue somebody…

No Homer’s Almost 40 Club

A couple of the lads came round last night to talk world domination, which also included our Canadian “No Homer’s Almost 40” member who joined us via telephone conference. We did a bit on the computer and then played various Xbox 360 games. Mostly we sat in awe at Paulie B’s dexterous thumbs and wondered where our youth and reflexes went…. I hate young people…

Today is Thursday as most of you would have already guessed, and my working week seems to entail no pretense of actual work at all. It is spent purely doing boring me stuff. I drink copious amounts of tea, to give me something to do; I read and re-read various blogs and website’s over and over again. I print off and do the daily SuDoku challenge (yesterdays one was classed as VERY HARD, which I finished) whilst sat on the toilet for 30 mins at a time. I talk to anyone I can on MSN, that forgets to set their status to “appear off-line”, fools! I wander around and talk to people as they work; I pick up various newspapers and glance over the same shitte I read on the internet. I tread water basically till my Alarm goes, and then I fuck off home and enjoy my life, till I have to start the same Ground Hog Day over and over again….

Still it's the weekend soon.

Whale News

Personal Shit

I try not to mention anything personal about my family on here, as it usually get’s me neck deep in ca ca.

However, my unbelievably sexy wife cooked me a fantastically romantic meal last night, and then we settled down to watch Boston Legal.

It was a great night, except for too much Red Wine.

I must also add that Boston Legal just get’s funnier and funnier, Capt Kirk & Dr Daniel Jackson are hil-fucking-larious.

Thank you wife.

Note to Self

On a school night ONE bottle of wine is sufficient, if I feel like opening a second, just shoot me.

That is all.

Made me Laugh

Here is a review of one of the Restaurants’ on the Isle of Man. They do also mention comments about the whole feel of the Island.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2104-1984163,00.html

Read and enjoy and then remember it’s nothing like that; it’s worse.

DIY; I Rock!

I’ve had a DIY project that has been screaming at me to do it. Actually it was more the wife screaming at me to do it, never-the-less somebody was screaming and it wasn’t me.

Basically to give you some background story.

In our fitted kitchen, going from the wall outwards was: slim Fridge Freezer, Chest Freezer (top opening) and then fitted work top.

The trouble started when we bought a Huge Fridge Freezer, that whilst brilliant, is a fair bit wider that the old one. So we could “just” about fit it in, but now you can’t open the lid of the chest freezer because of the over hand of the work top. To get in you have to pull the freezer out get your stuff and then squeeze it back in.

All it needed was to take the work top off and cut 25mm off the end; but when you don’t know the first thing about stuff like that, it looks a big job.

Anyhoo, I thought what the hell I’d have ago last Saturday. After unscrewing three poxy screws the work top came off. Measured 25mm line on the bottom of the work top and then got the next door neighbour to come round with his circular saw and lop off the end. Wacked it back on top of the cupboards and re-screwed the three screws. JOB DONE.

All that time putting it off and off thinking what a HUGE job it would be, and it took about 15 mins… Bastard DIY…

Bugger!

I promised the wife I wouldn’t spend any more money, after having gone a little mad on Electronics since Christmas (HD TV, HD DVD, Xbox 360), but there is a new game out on Friday for the 360 that we really need to buy.

When you own a games console you need (are almost required by law) to purchase at least one game from all genres. We have a racing game (PGR3), Tomb Raider will be our adventure game, Halo is acting as our FPS (first person shooter) until a respectable 360 specific game is released, so what we are missing is a fighting game.

These are great to pick up and kick some arse for 10 mins and then put down, especially when you get back from the pub.

We do have an excellent fighting game, Mortal Kombat, but it won’t work on the new 360 as they haven’t released a software emulator to get it working. So there lays the problem, how do I purchase Dead or Alive 4 on Friday?

Options I have so far:

Buy it and say, “No honey it’s not new, I’ve had it hanging in the wardrobe for years”
Buy it as an early Birthday present for one of children (11th March is the next one)
Buy it and say I’ve borrowed it of Paulie B.
Buy it and only play it when no one is around.
Exchange some of the games that we don’t use (Doom 3, King Kong) and get money off Dead or Alive4, (technically this is still buying it)

Or the wife’s favourite, don’t buy it; “We can’t afford to splash out £45 quid on a game we don’t need, when we can’t afford to live on what we have as it is.” But that’s just crazy drunk talk, bitch.

If any one has suggestions or ideas, or spare cash?

Back On The Road

Yep, after a gap of more than four years i'm legally allowed back on the roads with my full on driving license. Remember kids, drinking and driving is not clever, fines can be paid but the embarassment of having to go through your driving test again as 1. an adult and 2. a convicted drink driver just isn't worth it.

PS The ebayer was me not Kingster, I can't post from work and I needed that rant broadcast asap. Bastard eBay and their fookin rip off bastard scammers, it's ok i've calmed down now.

EBay - Seller Beware

So I’ve been using eBay to buy stuff for about 4 years.  I'm not a frequent user and normally only buy the odd techy thing that has either been discontinued or I can't find locally.  In those 4 years I have never had any problems at all, good sellers with great communication, posting on time, well packed etc etc.  I've always paid instantly and it has been as straight forward as any online shopping I’ve ever done.

This week I went to sell my first item on eBay.  Thanks to a little bit of over enthusiasm on my part I ended up with 2 brand new x-box 360s.  All I wanted was to get my money back on 1 of them so I figured sell it quickly on eBay at a bargain price (they are still going for around the £400 mark) and everyone’s happy...or not as the case may be.  First of all eBay’s seller charges are high, can't remember of the top of my head how high but I was looking at £10 for a very basic 1 picture listing BEFORE anything was sold or any payment fees etc are taken.  Never mind eh, as long I could get my money back I’d be happy?  I did a three day listing and set the "buy it now" price of only £360 with a £300 reserve.  I specified only UK bidders and payment only by paypal or a personal cheque.  How could I fail?  After 2 days and a few bids someone finally decided to buy it outright at £360.  Great, I was chuffed.

I then got an e-mail from the buyer that went along the lines of "Hello, I’m a Nigerian scammer and I want you to post your item to Nigeria via UPS.  It will cost you lots of money to do this.  I will send you cash in the post.  Oh yeah I’ll need your full name, address and bank details as well."  Is anybody elses alarm bells ringing here?  I politely sent a message back telling them to f**k off.  Wound up I thought I’d search the web for any info and as it turns out this is a very common scam, in fact stuff the web, of the 3 real life in the real world people I know who have tried to sell an electrical item on e-bay all have had the same.  They have all tried re-listing (more eBay fees) but have eventually given up, some £50 down with nothing to show for it.  The great thing in all this is that as soon as your item is sold, eBay charge you a final amount fee as well. EBay are well aware of this scam, but have never done anything to help protect the people paying their fees.  

All in all I’m looking at a minimum of £30 worth of fees to sell my item (not including any paypal charges) and that’s if it is sold to a genuine buyer the second time around.  On average it appears to take 3-4 times until something is sold to a genuine buyer.  I wouldn't mind if eBay refunded some of the charges but they do sweet FA.  You can raise a dispute with the buyer at which point you "may" get your final fee back depending on what the buyer says, but if you want to sell something you've just gotta keep on listing and keep on paying those fees!

How hard would it be for eBay to add some sort of buyer address authentication to people bidding over a certain amount?  Considering they and paypal are one and the same I doubt it would even take a week to implement? Also, seeing as how they know all about this stuff why not stop people registering an account and bidding on high value stuff when they have no feedback? Will they though, I doubt it.

So that's it then, for as long as there is a hole in my ass I will never use e-bay again, to buy or sell.  They are charging rip-off amounts of money and offering nothing in return.  I decided to sell my x-box the old fashioned way, asked around the office and found a cash buyer no probs.  E-bay are nothing less than complete and utter coonts and I look forward to the day when their business falls flat on its face amongst complaints, law suits and all sorts of other shitte.

Don’t Drink and Drive!

We watched Wedding Crashes last night (a good film btw) and enjoyed a bottle of wine or two. Anyhoo, at 3.00am this morning I couldn’t sleep and so came downstairs and thought I’d play a couple of games of Project Gotham.

Well, to cut along story short, I was shitte. I could win any of the new races, and was constantly banging of the sides of the walls. I thought, “It couldn’t be all that wine I drank earlier could it?”

So I had a go on the very first novice race, which I had completed with ease when I first played. Sure enough, I was shitte on that course as well and kept finishing last…

So all the Drink Drive Campaigns are right, drinking affects your driving. Who would have thought?

Anyhoo I gave up and watched an episode of Firefly, which had me in stitches.

Have a good weekend.

Workaholics

Brummie used to rant about how Invisipoo would take advantage of him. I explained that that's what managers/management are supposed to do.

And that Brummie would always find himself in the same position as he was a workaholic.

Back to the present, it's nearly 2am and I've been going since 10am. I've worked 70+ hours in the last 7 days with more to come. But my program is nearly finished.

The irony is, I handed my notice in three months ago.

WHAT KIND OF TW*T AM I?

PGR 3 & King Kong Game Review

Project Gotham Racing 3 for the Xbox 360: The graphics are fantastic, the feel of the car is perfect and the whole thing is great. Not much of a review, but it’ll do me. I recommend this game, even if you aren’t a big racing fan like me.

King Kong for the Xbox 360: Very dark adventure game. Initially I enjoyed it, but it is very dark, and hard to see what is attacking you half the time. To make matters worse, to show you are low on health the game makers blur the screen to show you are losing consciousness, but all that means is you can’t see fuck all as the whole lighting is shitte. So once you get bitten, you are effectively dead as you haven’t a clue what’s going on…. So rent it don’t buy it.

And Finally a rant:

To play old Xbox games on the new 360, you need the hard drive, which has an emulator on it. They have a list of backward compatible games, but for some unknown and ungodly reason Mortal Kombat isn’t on it. Cooonts. I fancied a few fights on the big HD screen.

Xbox 360 is the new Video iPod

I bought an Xbox 360 the other day; by accident, however I am very impressed with the machine overall.

Apart from the Game play, which of course is down to each individual game, the machine itself is sex in a box.

When you boot her up, you get all these Blades (sections), which look cool. You can download all these free (and you can’t beat free) games, which are all highly addictive especially, Hexic and Zuma.

During any game, you can talk to your mate playing an entirely different game.

You can turn the console on and off remotely using the Wireless Controller.

But the coolest thing I found last night is the streaming media. I can wirelessly connect to my Win XP laptop from the console and access all the stored Music and Photos.

But the bestest thing ever, is when you are playing music it has one of those Visualisations like in Windows Media Player (which I guess that’s all it really is), but you can make it full screen. Plus this visualisation is on a 37” HD LCD and it looks fan-fucking-tastic…. Mind blowingly good. Hypnotic.

I can wait to have our next party in the house and have that going in the back ground.

Sky’s new EPG

Sky has updated the EPG (Electronic Programme Guide) and it’s shitte…. Just thought I would pass on my thoughts.

Cooonts

Sky to Slave

Well, you've pretty much cornered the market, except for:

Grey's Anatomy
ER but with a lot more romance and sex. No particular totty (apart from the amazing Katherine Heigl, who tries to play down her sexiness by slapping on 40 lbs). But good overall. Possibly the only program in the week I will set out to watch.

CSI (All three)
Miami version is easily my favourite. Two reasons: 1. Emily Proctor. 2. Emily Proctor. That is one woman I don't think I could perform for, she just intimidates me too much. But H is just too cool.

Scrubs
We also started watching the new season of Scrubs. But it wasn't funny. Maybe I was just in a weird mood? I'll report at a later date.

Slave to Sky

Ok a little list for all you TVoholics who crave a decent show that entertains, amuses and keeps you coming back for more:

Bones – and excellent show based on the character by Kathy Reichs (temperance Brennan is a forensic anthropologist). Mixing characters from the book with subtle differences and a storyline that twists and turns. Yay.

ER – fastest hour of the week. Although the main characters need building (a 'musketeer-type episode should bond them well) this show is a consistent winner.

Charmed – is this allowed? More totty than you can shake a broomstick at.

Deadwood – gritty drama set in the ugly, wild west.

Threshold – Some totty, guns, aliens, midgets; what more do you need in a Sci-Fi?

Boston Legal – There are two big reasons to watch this; James T Kirk and James Spader. They carry this very amusing legal drama, with their dead pan wit. Excellent

Desparate Housewives – Mostly totty and gossip, with a smattering of intrigue. Still it’s well worth getting in too.

House – Best of the bunch. Hugh Lawrie was born for this part. Same plot week in week out, but for some reason, the interaction between all the actors elevates this Hospital drama to new heights. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Does anyone else have any “much watch” series currently doing the rounds?

It must be Fate!

To quote my post of less than 4 hours ago;

“The only thing missing now, is a Surround Sound System and an Xbox 360, but all in due course. There is only so much you can put on a credit card before it breaks.”

Well apparently not. I was all set to wait till the 360 came widely available on the shelves, but I thought I would just ring up the local Game shop and see when they think that might be.

This is where my philosophy of “Live Provides” comes into play.

So I ring up and ask the question, they say they don’t really know when that would be. I said could I put my name down on their list of people wanting said 2nd Generation Gaming Console. As they already have a 150 people on their waiting list, I assumed that would give me a couple of months before I came up.

Well actually, he says in hushed conspiratal tones, we are expecting 8 consoles this afternoon; do you want one of those? Er! Yes.

So in I popped in on the way back from the Gym, and I now own an Xbox 360…. Not quite sure how, but I do.

I actually remember telling my lovely wife that I would stop spending… I wish I wouldn’t be sure a pawn to destiny.

Can’t think of anything.

I am dying to write something on this blog, but can’t think of a single thing to write about. I could regale you of happenings at home, but since I get into trouble writing about my family, I promised myself I wouldn’t write about them here.

I did end up buying the TV I wanted in the end, and the HD DVD. Overall, I am fairly impressed, especially for the money I spent. However, I am looking forward to upgrading again in 2 years time. The only thing missing now, is a Surround Sound System and an Xbox 360, but all in due course. There is only so much you can put on a credit card before it breaks.

I hope to do a bit more DIY this year, the only trouble is I’m shit at it. Every project I attempted; something always goes wrong, which is so frustrating.

That’s it, a post about nothing.

Cheeses Cripes

Quotes and Sayings

They say; it’s best to let them think you are an idiot and say nothing. Rather than say something and remove all doubt.

Or my Favourite for today:

Make it Idiot Proof and someone will make a better Idiot.

Quotes & Sayings

You can fool some of the people all of the time; these are the ones you need to concentrate on.

Cheeses

Sky News has started using a new Subtitles system, which must use voice recognition to immediately type the words on the screen.

However, whilst at the Gym on Wednesday I was watching the coverage of the Sharon Beshenivsky funeral. But every time the vicar said Jesus, it came up as cheeses; it took me a while to work out why he was going on about cheeses. Once it dawned what was happening, I couldn’t stop laughing and almost fell off the cross trainer.

Well I found it funny.

Capitalists - I hate em

We had a very interesting offer on the house this week. I thought I'd share it.

A well known Edmonton company approached me to purchase-lease the house. They agreed to pay almost full asking price for my house. And would commit to this contractually through my laywer. Then, they lease the house for a monthly sum for one year (to give them time to find a buyer). I still hold the deeds until they settle in full. No danger there.

Seems ideal. I get all the money I want with none of the hassle. If they can get more from a buyer than my asking price, they can keep the difference. Good luck to em. If no buyer is found, I keep the lease payments - sweet.

- however -

I got the contract and read it in detail.

(I'll do this bit in sterling) Say my house is worth 200,000. The lease payment would be 500 a month. BUT, at the end of 12 months the lease can simply be extended for a further year! This can be done INDEFINITELY. The company can also SUB-LEASE the house.

Sooooooooooo, they can basically rent my big shiny house from me for 500 a month - forever! No annual increase. While they rent it out at whatever is the market rate (currently about 2000).

So in 33 years they'd own the house because the 500 comes OFF the capital. I'd never see a lump sum of any kind.

Nice scam. And these guys are actively doing this, they have plenty of houses for "sale". This is not some back street company, this is an established firm.

I hate Canadians. You should feel lucky to live in a psuedo-communist society where the NHS is free and everyone isn't trying to rip you off.

Brokeback Mountain

A cowboy film about Homo-sexuals…. No thank you!

I’ll stick to the Clint Eastwood classics if you don’t mind.

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organised Knowledge device, trade-named: BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use, even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere – even sitting in an armchair by the fire – yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Here’s how it works: BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session – even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKmarkers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).

Portable, durable and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

Is Canada King?

Was surprised by Shirley with a couple of airline tickets to the hottest new country in the world. Nope – Not Australia but Canada. Yep – living in the Isle of Man means we get to move to these worldwide locations approximately 35 years after we are born. But it’s the way we like it.

So. Is Canada king? A highly anticipated locale, hyped beyond reason on the net, and I read gushing after gushing description of it's mountains and lakes that was about to raise the bar for ex-pat living.

You can guess where this is going, huh. Yes, Canada is shite. I hate it. Either send me some plane tickets or some quick acting poison. I will even accept poison that causes terrible pain coz at least I'd know it would soon be over.

Is Kong King?

Was surprised by B with a couple of tickets to the hottest show on the Island. Nope – Not Scrooge (with the superb acting n laughs) but King Kong (movie by the Kiwi Peter Jackson). Yep – living in the Isle of Man means we get these worldwide releases approximately a month after all you others. But it’s the way we like it.

So. Is Kong king? A highly anticipated film, hyped beyond reason on the net, and I read gushing after gushing reviews for the remake that was about to raise the bar in filmmaking.

You can guess where this is going, huh. So I’ll start off with the good bits. The monkey was brilliant. Fantastically portrayed by Andy Serkis, who had done his homework and got into the whole Silverback Gorilla thing. The CG of Kong in the environments of Skull island and downtown New York were magnificently portrayed to give you a scope of beast in and out of his environment. The Landscape shots were also – beyond expectation. The research, imagination and shooting of the geography was breath-taking. The skull Island tribe was cool (if lacking in longevity). The set up of the main characters spot on. Especially Naomi Watts.

But – the film was ultimately disappointing.

The first hour was loooong. Set up lottsa characters (that many of them were pointless and without payoff). A few movie in-jokes did not make up for lengthy time it takes to get to Skull Island (itself was introduced as a map – but potential was left dangling). Once it hit the island, things stepped up, (despite a little “interesting” camera work which should have been left back at movie-studenthood).

The film felt unfinished in places. Not only did it jump along from a few scenes without necessary talky-bit explanations, but some of the CGI was laughable. Lots of the set pieces just did not work. Watching the stampede and the dino/human interaction was embarrassing. Dreadful mix that meant suspending belief beyond the norm – spliced with some ‘danger’ to try and detract from the ridiculous situation.

In fact, most of the action set pieces didn’t work for one reason or another. And other stuff that just fell flat or was left wanting: Insect attack that might have looked great on paper, ‘Save the day’ rescues, limp hero with unerring navigation, bat-things, comedy routine, monkey sign language, characters were just abandoned for the 3rd act, and do not talk to me about ice skidding in Central park. I burst out laughing – it was just so . . . naff.

Even the biggies – such as the T-rex fight was poor. Ignoring the fact that blondie would have crushed most of the bones in her non-screamy body and just kept staring at these monstrosities (without having the CGI monsters to react to must have been tough, but really, a flicker of the enormity of the beasts wouldn’t go amiss).

All in all – it’s a three hour bumnumbathon. Lord of the Rings was the movie set of the 21st Century. But be careful, PJ, cos that ‘magic touch’ does not transfer to everything you touch. A bit more effort has to be made before you can wheel stuff out.
King Kong will be a box-office wham. Although it’ll be a poor DVD release (until it hits the bargain prices). Peter Jackson has not made his ‘failure film’ as most Directors do after the rise in popularity. But it was a close call.

Nothing to Say again!

But since when has that stopped me pontificating?

I thought I would bore you with a choice I need to make. I like Rugby; a lot. I also like drinking. On the 2nd March the Rugby Club is having a Sportsman Dinner with Jason Leonard as the guest speaker. I really rate Jason, I mean, the man is the most capped forward in history and has played in no less than 4 Rugby World Cups (including two finals). The thing is, it’s £48 a ticket just to sit down. Then during the meal you are suckered into all the games etc. Such as Heads and Tails that is another £10 ago. So that’s £68 before you have a drink…

Still it is Jason Leonard, and I do get to dress up in my Tux, walk around with a Port and Cigar and generally look and feel like James Bond all night.

I think I might have just talked myself into it, but I would appreciate your comments. Obviously if any of the lads here on the Rock would like to come, I need to know asap.

The other thing I was going to mention were the up and coming series on TV I was looking forward to catching.

Battlestar Galactica: I thought the first series was the best thing since sliced bread.

Bones: Sounds like a mix of CSI and threshold

ER: Quickest 60 mins on TV, shit hot and fast paced (mostly)

Threshold: Quirky alien Sci-Fi series. Lots of Humour

Plus I must also mention that I am watching the Firefly series on DVD box set. Coontin (almost forgot to use the word of the week) brilliant. I love westerns and I love Sci-Fi, mix them together and you get Firefly.

That is all, have a great weekend.

A Rant and Whinge and a Lynching

Now I have nothing against Bin men par say, but I think the lot of them are coonts. As a family of 4 there is no way in hell that our weekly rubbish can fit in one wheelie bin. Hence on a Monday night I can be found going up and down our back alley trying to fit surplus bin liners in our neighbours’ bins.

Of course at Christmas, the rubbish can be twice as much and so I was left with one giant bin liner filled only with used wrapping paper. Light as a feather it was, so I placed it on top of the wheelie bin. Yet there it was still in the garden this morning. The fuckers must have realised it was only filled with paper when then took it off the bin. But would they throw it in the wagon, would they buggery. Bastard smelly coonts!

The whinge is at old age; my body seems to be melting. Whenever I rest on my left arm the elbow hyper-extends, which believe me brings tears to your eyes. My knees have literally weeks left of use before they crumble to dust. And finally my fingers are like gnarled and wizened like an old hag with arthritis, and I’m only 39… Bastards kids and their youth, they’re all coonts.

The lynching is for the bastards that could abduct and rape a THREE year old child. Trust me lynching would be the last punishment that would be handed out. Sick bastard coonts.

Ps. My new favourite word is: coonts..

www.play.com How Much?

Out of sheer boredom and something to do, I went through my play.com account to see how much I have spent over the last 2 years.

The answer: £3,858.29

This breaks down to;

Books: 75.39
CDs: 163.26
DVDs: 1508.96
Electrical: 1680.94
Games: 418.85
Ringtones: 10.89

I would say 80% of which was purchase at work whilst bored, for something to do. I have a good mind to claim it back of my employers.

Bastards

Sky HD TV

As an interested party in the Sky HD launch, I signed up for emails informing me about their latest money grabbing scheme, I mean entertainment technology advancement.

I received an email of them this morning, saying that as the launch is imminent that they would like to give the opportunity to me first to experience (i.e. give them even more than the £60 they get off me as it is) Sky HD.

Would I please complete a Sky HD Questionnaire?

Well the first two Questions were;

Q1
How much would you pay for the new Sky HD box?
Options:
Less than £100 all the way up to Over £700… em let me think on that one????

Q2
How much subscription would you pay for the Sky HD bonus channels?
Options:
Less than £10 all the way up to Over £60… em let me think on that one as well????

Are they really expecting anyone to choose the expensive option??

Stupid cooonts.


PS. Did you know that you can ring Sky up and tell them that you are finding it hard to keep up payments on your subscription and that you are considering cancelling your Sky. They will then HALF your payments for 3 months.

I would love to do it, but I hate asking for anything. However, my father was first on the phone, and even offered to do it for me.

Why Rugby is Better than Football

Or at least that the players are not Nancy boy fops interested in only money.

If ever there was one moment when Wayne "Buck" Shelford embedded his name forever into rugby's rich history, it was during the infamous "Battle of Nantes" in 1986.

Playing only his second Test for the All Blacks against a physically intimidating French side, Shelford found himself at the bottom of a rather aggressive ruck on 20 minutes.

An errant Les Bleus stud found its way to his groin, where it somehow managed to tear his scrotum, leaving one testicle hanging out.

This alone would leave most men screaming in agony and heading for the nearest hospital. But not Shelford.

He calmly instructed the physio to stitch him up.

The French public were gobsmacked as an over-eager pitchside cameraman filmed the stomach-turning surgery, and even more so when Shelford returned to the field and carried on playing.

"I was knocked out cold, lost a few teeth and had a few stitches down below," recalls the Saracens coach.

"It's a game I still can't remember - I have no memory of it whatsoever.

"I had to watch a video to realise what the game was actually like. I don't even remember what the score was, I don't really want to either."

Christmas - Part 3

Well. After looking forward to a crimbo on my lonesome, I had hooked up with the bodacious B (an ex from last year – whom I have never let go – as we seemed so right together it was a crime against humanity (and my ego) that we split!). So – after sneaking around hers for a few weeks, got caught by her nippers trying to sneak out the back door. Long story short – I then bolted around the shops picking up pressies for her lil’ ones and had the ‘official invite’ for christmas morning.

I had spun a story about me eating christmas dinner on my own. A pot noodle, on a tray on my lap, sprig of holly on top with a can of skol. Woe is me! But after getting a load of abuse from virtually everyone I told – I invited myself around the old’s.

Christmas morn I zipped around in the topless car, santa hat and beaming smile (wrapped up too – cos it was parky), and did the two hour thing at B’s, then pick up Gramps and eat at Momma’s, mucho drink & pressie dishing out, then wander back to the house where the lads were currently fumigating the living room. Seven blokes slobbing around with the Playstation. Luckily, B rescued me around six and we lounged around her place and I got my Xmas pressie. It’s the only thing I ever really ask for every year . . .

Lots of time spent with B and her lil ones. The inbetween times spent xboxing on Gun (s’ok – but we’re all really waiting for Lara C to put her shorts back on and give us some one-on-one time) and lamenting the fact that I had to drink. (Had to, I tellya . . . there is really no excuse).

And that was my xmas tail!

Christmas Part 2

The run up to Christmas was a simple affair, my lovely wife did everything and I spent my time and energy looking up reviews and prices of my dream TV. I only had to get her and my eldest’s gifts, which took an hour shopping.

Christmas morning wasn’t the early morning affair that I remember from my childhood. At 9am there was still no one up, so we woke up the kids. Gifts were exchanged and happy faces were everywhere.

Christmas lunch was to be down at a local hotel, with the Neighbours and the Wards. We all met down there and started on the drinks. The first course got off to a stuttery start, as none of the plates were clean enough to use. At least that’s what the queue of people in front of me thought; bollock’s that I said, it won’t kill you. Although by the look on some of their faces as I picked up one of the food smeared plates and started pilling it up, thought I wouldn’t make it through the main course.

The food was quite nice, but not a great selection, but the service was awful. Not an English speaking person within Cooey, and the Bitter and Guinness was disgusting. Plus Santa didn’t show up, although that was included in the price. I must get round to writing a letter…

Afterwards, everyone popped back round ours, for more drink and chat, but they all left around 7pm and left my wife and I to enjoy our Interactive Trivial Pursuit DVD, Extreme. Which for the record, she won 4 games to 1…

The rest of the days were quiet and peaceful, until New Years Eve. We did the annual thing and went round her cousin’s house (just round the corner so no Taxi’s needed) and welcomed the New Year in there. There were a good crowd as usual around 30 to 40 people, with lots and lots to drink and eat. The highlight of the night was the Lesbian Lap Dancers (cousins of someone) that held all the Male attention. They weren’t performing as that would be a busman’s holiday, and quite frankly just a little too much for half the old men there. Oh and someone had a finger sliced open stretching for the cheese across someone else carving a ham joint. Still after a quick trip to the hospital in an ambulance, she was back 2 hours later on the drink. I hear the party was still going at 7.30 am..

The rest of the New Year holiday was quiet.

Any way that’s enough writing, no real plans for the New Year, just to enjoy life as much as possible, have more people round for drinks, watch less TV, enjoy the kids etc..

Oh and in closing, I purchased my New HD TV on Christmas Eve…Spend Spend Spend.

Have a Great Year

First Story of 2006

ALL TRUE.

We went down into the City for New Years Eve; A little snow, some outdoor Ice Skating and a midnight countdown with 15,000 Canadians. Nice.

Anyway, we were driving home around 1am. All the roads here are at least dual carriageways and Shirley points out that not far in front, a cop car keeps changing lanes. She's very observant like that.

Next thing, a little red car scoots left at the next junction and the cop car (lights now blazing) pounces. Ha! Running a red light? You're nicked mate!

So we, being manx, decide to take the left and have a peek at the poor (probably drunken) sod being chastised. I suggest Shirl pull out the camcorder and capture the typical American scene on tape.

But Canadian cops radio back to base before getting out of their own car, so nothing has yet happened. Boring! So we decide to do a U-turn and drive by again, hoping for better footage. Hmmm, still nothing happening.

However, the copper obviously got some bad news from HQ. As we drive past yet again two other cop cars have miraculously appeared. The wrong-doers car is now lit up with 3 sets of headlights and menaced by 6 Magnum wielding cops, safely shielded by their open doors. Two other cop cars handbrake into position to block off the entry to the road. They are sweet enough to let us pass. Clearly, we are British, and are therefore not involved.

Which means we have to go ROUND THE BLOCK to get more footage of the scene. By which time there are FOURTEEN cop cars, lights blazing, guns-a-toting and we can't get within 50 feet of the scene. Bastards.

We try approaching from another angles, but we start to feel a couple of the cops blocking the road are eyeing us (and our camcorder) suspiciously. We really should get a smaller model.

I wonder if the 'gangsta' was thinking "my god, manx people are soooo nosey!"

We'll miss this place.