Monsters

This is how all Paedo’s should be treated

Basically locked up and the key thrown away so they rot in Gaol.

“The US Supreme Court has refused to hear an appeal by a high school teacher from Arizona sentenced to 200 years in jail for possessing child pornography.

Morton Berger had claimed the sentence was so disproportionate to his crime it breached the constitution.

But he was living in Arizona when he was caught with thousands of images of child abuse on his computer.

The state has the nation's toughest laws on child abuse and exploitation.

Indeed, the prosecutor had asked for a 340-year sentence but the trial judge imposed the minimum of 10 years for each of 20 images - to be served consecutively for a total of 200 years without the possibility of probation, early release or pardon.

They argued the sentence was wildly disproportionate - much longer than that for rape or even second degree murder and claimed it amounted to cruel and unusual punishment.

The state of Arizona argued each image of child abuse was a separate crime so the sentences had to run consecutively.”

Fucking A… Lock the bastard up.

Vandals

I was reading the local free paper this weekend, and virtually every single page had at least one story of some thing getting vandalised. I hate vandals.

At least thieves make use of the stuff they take, but to just break something for the sake of it really get’s my goat.

http://www.iomonline.co.im/ViewArticle2.aspx?SectionID=870&ArticleID=2077498

If I ever catch any of my kid’s vandalising anything, by Christ they will wish they hadn’t been born.

Just thought I would mention it.

The Weekend that was.

Friday night we had the neighbours round for some food and drink. After an initial mix up with them thinking it was Saturday that they were coming over, they eventually turned up. Thank God, as my wife had sent hours preparing the food and setting the table. Anyway, after the delicious food, we retired to the living room.

Now Dave (the neighbour) is the most competitive person you have ever met. I’ve seen him playing the “Deal No Deal” DVD against his kids, laughing and poking fun at them when he wins (kids ages: 10,6 and 3). The man just wants to win everything at all costs. He had been drinking all night, knocking back the wine.

We suggested having a game of 10 Pin Bowling on the Wii. To add to Dave’s competitive steak, he is a huge Bowling Fan and regularly played and was a member of the local team. As soon as we started on the Game, he put his wine down and didn’t touch it again all night.

He was focused on winning, the rest of us were giving each other encouraging remarks, and congratulating each other on good shots. He didn’t utter a word.

The best bit of course, is where I beat him…………….

Anyhoo, it was a very good night.

Saturday, we collected my eldest and watched Rugby (don’t say a thing) and just messed around.

Sunday was pretty much empty. We were busy doing nothing all day, with no Rugby at all on the TV.

I did spend an hour helping my Mum’s next door neighbour migrating his files, from his old WinXp machine to a brand new Windows Vista Premium addition. Talk about chalk and cheese…. I would have loved to have spent a couple more just skeeting around, but I had to get home for tea.

That was it, nothing special, and it seems to have gone too quickly as usual.

I almost didn’t go for a run again this morning; I reset the alarm and snuggled in to the wife. I managed to get out of bed, even though someone was promising naughty things to tempt me back. I’m glad I did, I had a bit of a dickey tummy when I went to bed, and it still wasn’t right this morning. However, the run soon cured that.

I hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week to come.

Err, come on Liverpool!

Despite being born on the Isle of Man a good 80% of my blood line is from Manchester, which means deep, deep, deep within me there is a hatred of Scousers. I can't help it, some people choose to hate them, mine is genetics. I do have a few scouse friends, being on Little Liverpool it's really hard to avoid them all. The one thing I've always stuck to though is that I have always wanted them to lose football games, no matter who they were playing. If they were playing Saddam's select XI I'd want the dirty scousers to get a hammering.

Last night though, during the Barcelona v Liverpool game something changed. It all started well, I sat there with the smuggest face that the Mayor of Smugville in Smugland could manage as Barcelona took the lead. I laughed at every Liverpool mistake , useless wankers. But as I watched more closely, something started to annoy me more than the Scouse. The lazy, diving, arrogant Catalonians. Now I know that Liverpool are hardly full of English players but it seems that playing in the English league instills in players a need to work, to try hard and to bloody well try and entertain. Barcelona's world famous stars we're happy to just stand there doing fuck all until they got the ball, got tackled and then roll three hundred times on the floor crying. Again, I know the Premier League is hardly devoid of falling over like fags but the continentals bring it to a whole new level, it is after all where diving and being injured was invented. It was funny to notice that the only Barcelona player to actually run his bollacks off was ex-Chelsea Gudjonsson who came on as a sub. After 20 minutes of this shite I decided that Liverpool deserved something, £100,000 a week footballers standing around doing sweet FA unless they are given the ball is a disgrace, they should be thrown out of the game, ok maybe a bit harsh, not paid then. So I was not upset when Liverpool scored first an equaliser and then a winner. I couldn't bring myself to cheer, but I cracked a smile. It was nice to see people getting something out of life because of the effort they put in.

What last night taught me more than anything is that we should limit the foreign players who play in England. It's not that we are limiting our young players, it's that we are teaching all these other nations how to play with passion, pace and desire. We know we're not the most skillful nation in the world but we have always got by on working harder, now we're showing other countries how to work hard we're screwed, and that's why we probably wont win anything in international football ever again, certainly not in my lifetime.

The other thing I noticed was that our TV producers are a world of difference better than the Spanish. I'll forgive them that the HD wasn't actual HD but how many times do you have to show a slow motion replay of a Barcelona Gay Boy throwing himself to the ground. Obviously ten isn't enough. Between that and the random crowd shots made me wonder if the Spanish have had TV long, is it a novelty to them, or maybe they're just useless?

Mental Toughness

Mental Toughness

I have pretty much done regular exercise since joining the Army at the tender age of 17. Obviously there have been times I haven’t, such as whilst travelling etc. But whilst in any one place for a length of time, I’ve either gone to a Gym or been a regular runner.

Since working for my current and shitte employer I have been going at least three times a week during my lunch hours. However, due to being extremely lacking in money, and trying to limit spending, I cancelled my Gym membership this year.

The last few weeks have been hell. I really have missed the exercise, I feel awful physically and mentally. So I decided it was time to hit the road again. So I set the alarm for 7.00am this morning, determined to go running.

Of course the Alarm went off, and although I was awake, I was lovely and warm and comfortable. So I rolled over and reset it to the normal time and then snuggled in to the wife.

I was just getting comfy when I mentally started shouting at myself for being a wimp. Come on lard arse get out of bed, you lazy bastard.

Well it worked, I jumped up donned my running attire and was out and on the streets in 5 mins flat.

Thank god I did, I feel great now, and the feeling of all those endorphins flying around my system is the drug I’ve been missing all these weeks.

Just patting myself on the back.

That is all.

Bank Charges Revisited

Thanks a million.

This goes out to all you smart asses who have managed to claw back those 'unfair' charges the Banks have made coz you were so dumb you went excessively overdrawn.

You harp on about being charged £50 for exceeding your pre-agreed overdraft and how you're fighting for the little guy against the nasty, greedy Banks; bullshit.

Well, the boss of Nationwide has come out and declared it would be fairer to charge EVERYONE for current accounts. No doubt the other Banks will happily agree with this.

Now I will have to start paying for my well run account coz of all those 'charge whiners' who are too thick to have an account in the first place.

The Banks have been itching for an excuse to charge for all accounts - their profits will soar.

Brilliant

Nothing much

What the hell has happened since I last blogged…

Well apparently I wasn’t as badly behaved as I thought I was on my birthday. Don’t get me wrong, I did upset some people, but not that badly really. So I really must be growing up.

I’m trying to think what’s come and gone, Valentine’s Day was very pleasant with the Lady Wife. Last weekend I was working for most of it and so I didn’t really do anything, apart from drink Wine in the evening.

The Sale Sharks game on Sunday was a cracker, even though they lost.

This week it’s my Father’s 64^th Birthday, so I’ll have to pop up there.

That’s it really. My Son is up on Saturday, which I’m really looking forward to as I have only seen him once this year.

The only other news is I had an interview the other day. It went really well, and lasted just over an hour. The really good part, was that they never got round to asking me any technical questions. We were just too busy chatting away. They are mainly interested, “so they say”, in someone who fits in to the team, rather than a technical wizard, although if they choose me, they get both.

The actual job sounds a thousand times better than this one. All I do all day is either nothing or fighting fires, at least at this new place, they do loads of projects on new technology and testing in labs…cool.

PLUS and here is the big one, they have TWO bonuses a year. You get your normal 10% each year, but they also put another 10% away as a loyalty bonus, which get’s paid to you in three years time if you are still at the company. So after the third year, you are getting two bonuses a year.

They were gob smacked when I told them I don’t get a bonus here as I don’t bring any revenue in.

Anyway, I’m not getting my hopes up at all, as that just leads to a big fall.

Things to look forward to

Pancake Day (today)

The Wife’s Birthday in a couple of weeks

Middle Son’s birthday the week after the wife’s.

Mother’s Day, the week after that.

Some hotter weather as well I hope, I just want to get out on the weekend‘s and do something.

Anyway, that’s it for now.

Mickey Mouse Police

As the Isle of Man slowly degrades into a scum bag shit hole (it's slow but it's happening) it's good to see that our very well paid, much better paid than the UK, police officers are upping their game to compensate.

Police seek information regarding damage to cars

"Information is being sought by police after a spate of vandalism in Douglas in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Three youths were seen vandalising cars along Westmoreland Road and Brighton Terrace at around 2am.

The youths are described as being in their late teens or early twenties.

PC Gary Smith from the Douglas Neighbourhood Policing Team said those persons responsible should consider how they would feel if someone damaged their property..."

First things first, they were seen vandalising cars, you can guess then that the Police were called. You can imagine the conversation at Police HQ, "fuck that for a laugh, we'll wait till Monday and and put a piece on the Manx Radio website asking them to think about their actions". Well done the boys in blue, that'll show the little scrotes. Have another fucking pay rise.

My 40th and the Fall-Out

It was my Birthday Party on Saturday, and the wife and I were joined by 5 other couples to celebrate the fact I am middle aged, yet look early 30’s.

The night started very well, an hour’s socialable drinking in the newly refurbished Railway. We split up in to them and us (girls and boys) and enjoyed a few pints. We then headed over to Coasters for the meal, well most of us did. The girls managed to leave behind one of their own, and it wasn’t till they had been sat down for 5 mins that this was noticed.

The meal in itself was uneventful, apart from the usual from Bin Bon. Initially her food was not what she thought it would be from the description, so she sent it back. Then the replacement food wasn’t cooked enough, so that was sent back, just an average meal with Bin Bon.

At this point I was getting merrily drunk on Guinness. Once the meal was over, we headed off for a couple in C’la vie. Nothing special here, just a couple of pints. We were only there about an hour at the most before it was closing time, with not really having a plan, we umed and arhed over what to do. We were going to invite everyone back to ours, but we knew we didn’t have much alcohol in. So the Doyle’s kindly suggested we all come back to theirs, which was really kind of them as they hadn’t met the rest of the people there, until that night.

We called a Taxi and waited 30 mins for it to show up. I jumped in the front and the rest clambered in the back. 2 mins in to the journey the taxi driver pulled in to the side of the road and stopped the cab. The people in the back could then hear him having a right go at me, and those that knew me were probably thinking, “WTF has he said now…..”

Actually, I thought I hadn’t said anything up setting….

To pass the time and just to be friendly, I jokingly said, “I don’t suppose you have any Mince Pies left over from Christmas as part of your in-flight entertainment?”

Well the old codger went ballistic, “If you are going to carry on like that, you can all get out. I’m not the pissed up one, I here just trying to do my job, I haven’t been drinking all night….” And on and on he went.

Obviously, we had already waited 30 mins in the cold, so no one elected to get out. We said nowt and he drove on.

As I was paying, I happened to say, “I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t give you a tip, fella”.

Well off he went again, about Health and Safety (don’t ask me I haven’t a clue what that was all about) and all sorts, shouting and foaming at the mouth…

Anyway; we sat down and continue with the evening, with everyone assuming it was my fault as usual that I had upset someone.

It was at this point that the apologises need to be made. I APLOGISE TO EVERYONE, especially Lorna, who had never really met me before and was not, forewarned what a Cunt I am when drunk.

I decided in my wisdom that although merrily drunk, I wasn’t “drunk enough” for my special 40th birthday party. I therefore thought the only way to fix this temporary aberration was to drink neat vodka….

Yep, you know what’s coming next.

The thing is, when drunk I think of all these extremely funny things, and although witty and clever in my head, by the time they come out of my mouth, and of course know one else knows the back-story going on in my addled mind, they come out like I’m being a cunt.

So I might (read: did) say a few things I shouldn’t have.
So a normal Sunday morning, being really annoyed with myself, vowing I’ll never drink in other people’s company again.

Paulie B has lessened the blow with these words:

The old "I'm not drunk enough yet" chestnut, light speed to disaster, I'm sure you'll be forgiven soon enough.  If you're not allowed to play the c**t on your 40th then when are you heh?

So a good night was had by all for 80% of the evening and my apologises again to one and all.

PS. Thank you for all the gift’s, even Steve’s. I really wasn’t expecting anything. Cheers

Happy Birthday Mr Kangaroo

At last, your age has caught up with your appearance. May you have all the slippers and cardigans you ever dreamed of and may your prostate remain small and tidy.

If ever we want to hear "how it was in the good old days" we shall come directly to you.

M&S

40th Birthday and Job Rant

Well tomorrow actually, but I can’t wait till Wednesday, when I am official old and or middle aged. I shall be the 40; half my life gone and the other half to look forward too.

So if anyone wants to send gifts, please feel free.

I like those vouchers from the Bank of England or the Isle of Man Bank (yes we do have our own money), please.

Anyway on with the Rant:

I applied for a Job a few weeks back and heard nothing. Literally, no thank you for your application; no sorry you were unsuccessful on this occasion. Absolutely nothing.

Flicking through the paper over the weekend, I noticed that the exact same job was advertised.

I had mentioned to one of the lads at work that I had applied for a job at this Bank. They happened to mention that a mutual mate’s girlfriend worked there.

So I fired off an email to her asking was it worth re-applying for the Job as I had heard nothing after my first application.

Here is her reply:
I spoke to the IT Manager here, and he went and checked as they didn't receive a lot of responses for the position and he didn't recall your name. After checking, it appears that they have not received your application. Can you tell us how and when did you send in your application form? Perhaps others have not made it in to us either!

At the time I even rang the HR person up to ensure she had received my application and she said, Yes, I’m just taking it to the IT manager now…. Bollocks.

What she’s done is: quickly gone through the applications and thrown out the best. She’s then put her Sons/Cousins/Best Friends application on the top with a couple of no hopers.

This is the way, things work round these parts, and you just have to get used to it.

Anyway, I have now used the Old Boy Network to get my application in front of the IT Manager and hopefully with a good word or two thrown in.

Sweat Dreems

"This is not so much going out to the people sitting in the audience, it's more going out to the people sitting in my mind"

I had a funny dream last night.

I dreamt I was having a telephone interview for a job in England. The guy at the other end was asking me various techie questions and I was doing my best to sound intelligent.

But I noticed (in the dream) that the interviewer was very hesitant, taking ages to come up with the next question.

And then I had a sudden insight; I was dreaming! The reason the interviewer was so slow was that it was actually my subconscious mind providing the questions. I found this so strange and, bizarrely, I felt it definitely gave me an advantage.

But the next question from the interviewer caught me by surprise "Do you have any experience with Windows OS Turner?". Firstly, for the non-techies, this is like saying "Have you driven the new Ford Creambun?" - it's a stupid question, there's no such thing.

So, I took a risk, "Yes, I've used it extensively" I replied. Let's face it, if he called my bluff, I could just wake up.

Ha - that showed him.

You Tube Video

What’s all this with people putting Youtube video embedded in their Blogs?

Do they think they are clever?

Just asking for no particular reason.

Cool Jedi Dude

I'm a big fan of all things StarWars; the movies, the books...er, that's it. The movies and books. NOT the figures, I'm not some sort of weird geek boy.

And everyone knows, the Jedi and their Force powers are the best bit. Like when Obi-Wan approaches a door and, with a subtle swoosh of their hand, they cause it to 'magically' open WITHOUT TOUCHING THE HANDLE.

Well, I have recently attained Jedi status and can now perform this amazing feat of kinetic manipulation. It takes huge concentration and mental control and (so far) only seems to work on lifts and supermarkets - but I get a big buzz out of the admiration I see in people's eyes as they watch me perform my 'space magic'.

"Are you venturing into Marks and Spencers madam? Allow me"
And with a wave, the doors inexplicably spring apart.

So that was my Saturday afternoon. God, I looked so cool.