The Reason I Get Angry Sometimes

It's all in this document. Personally I think it should be forced upon every public sector worker who chooses to whinge about how hard done to they are.

A couple of highlights:-

"The 2005 report concludes that average pay across the public sector is some 15% above that in the private sector and this differential has widened over the last four years".

AND

"We simply cannot afford to lose sight of the fact that the prosperity of everyone in this community is dependent first and foremost on the efforts of the wealth generating private sector".

That 15% also doesn't include a final salary pension scheme that is unavailable anywhere else. Depending on your calculation that ads an extra 10%-20% differential meaning that in fact the real pay gap is somewhere between 25% and 35%. Thanks to the governments double pay award scheme (annual increment + pay rise) I'd also bet the house on the fact that the gap has widened again over the last 4 years.

Congratulations to anybody working in the private sector, not only are you the driving force behind this small island economy but you're also doing it for much less pay than you'd get get if you opted to sit on your ass in a government office.

It's Not E-Gaming - It's Online Gambling

So the company I was working for had not long imploded, I was due to get married, tomorrow, and I'm trying on my suit when the phone goes. It's an employment agency asking me to go to an interview that afternoon, it's at a company that I've heard bad things about, in fact somebody I know once walked of their interview when realising the work conditions. I have nothing to lose, a wedding to pay for and a "what the hell" attitude. I go to the interview, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and just like every other interview I've ever had I get offered a job, on the top of the pay scale. I am fucking awesome at interviews even when I'm dressed like a tramp.

The next day I get married and go away on honeymoon. Over the next week or so I get several phone calls from my new soon to be employer asking when I'm going to be back. Call me a pessimist if you like but already my warning bells are going off, to be honest I'd never had any real trust in e-gaming (it was an e-gaming company, or as I like to call it online gambling) and even less faith in companies whose balance sheets tell you they are only surviving from venture capital. Yes I REALLY do this type of research before accepting a job, unfortunately the rushed nature of this meant I didn't really have much chance to do my checks. I wondered what could possibly be so important that they need my input, keeping in mind that I hadn't even started working for them yet and certainly wasn't on the payroll. Anyhoo, I kept with the nice demeanour and soon the honeymoon was over.

My first day wasn't exactly as I'd planned. For a start my uncle had died whilst we were away and that meant I had his funeral to attend the next day. He was my closest uncle and an usher at my wedding so it was a bit if a head fuck in what had already been a fairly messy year. It did get worse though, my first day also happened to be the lad I was replacing last day. He'd decided to jump ship early. At the time this didn't bother me in the slightest, the job I'd be doing was essentially a bit of web stuff and some database management so as long as the database was rationalised to some sort of accepted standard there would be no problems. The only possible reason I'd need any sort of a handover was if there database was a complete cluster fuck. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Over the next week I spend all my time familiarising myself with a database structure that just doesn't seem right. There was a lot of manual process going on in getting data out and my first thoughts are for automation. Two weeks in to my new job and the automation is complete. On the other hand my role (which is essentially to assist marketing) has now been expanded and I seem to be spending a lot of time with the IT department, headed by the biggest oaf I've ever worked with. A man so inept at everything his only redeemable feature is his ability to spew forth mountains of management bullshit. Of all the people I have worked with he was the one who clearly had the least clue of what he was talking about. He once bored me to the point where I was physically sick on leaving his office, I promise you that's true. Underneath he had a manager who was not far behind, clearly the company was being run on a premise of employing friends and family, or maybe just fuckwits. Even in saying all this there's always that niggle with a new boss that maybe it's just me that needs time to adjust, so I was more than happy to play the nice employee. Right up until the 3rd week of my employment that was.

In one morning I had 2 conversations that would result in me going out for lunch and never coming back. The first was from one of the big money backers, he received my automated reports each day and recognising the new name on the e-mail thought to contact me. He wanted somebody on the inside of the business who was out of the "loop" to report what was really going on. As far as he was concerned money was being thrown away hand over fist and he was wanted know why, he wanted to meet me that week and was coming over from Ireland. These are not the sort of games I get involved in. Then shortly after that the IT manager asked me to pull a report from the database showing the gambling turnover for last year. For a start I didn't work for the IT department and secondly I'd spent the last 2 weeks telling everybody who would listen that their database was a nonsense. My marketing manager was somebody who loved his data and would often ask for queries to be run, I'd do it and then he'd say something like "But when xxxx was here I'd see 5 times that number of signups". And I'd reply "Yes, that's because the database is crap and he wasn't doing it correctly". Why did nobody notice that with so many new customers they still couldn't make any money? But it gets better, not only did they want a report they also wanted me to sign it off as being accurate for company account purposes. Screw that. I was only the lowly database admin, I could now see why the other bloke couldn't get out the door quick enough, he knew it was coming up to that time of year. A morning of being asked to explain to a shareholder why the company was haemorrhaging money followed by being asked to make up some magic figures to reconcile with the bank account was enough for me.

But why even bother mentioning this? I suppose there are lessons about not rushing into things and the old if it quacks like a duck, swims like a duck and flies like a duck then 9 out of 10 times it's a duck thing but more importantly the man responsible for all the technology in that business at that time has just gone on to win some business bloke of the year award. I shit you not, it's not what you know, or to some extent even who you know. It's the amount of irrelevant dribbling bullshit that you can come out with that really matters.

ps Within 3 months of me leaving the entire front and back end gambling system was ripped out and replaced with a recognised system. I like to think that the report I left them on ways forward for them as a business had some influence in that decision.

National Insurance Contributions To Increase On The Isle of Man

Actually happened yesterday but the local media can't be bothered reporting on something that impacts on every single working person of the Isle of Man.

Isle of Man NI Increase

The good news is that the money has been allocated for Health Services, although with my knowledge of government accounting I wouldn't like to say what the actual chances of that happening are.

Non Stick Toilets

With all the inventiveness out in the world, why hasn’t someone invented a non stick toilet bowl?
Surely a Teflon coated bowl would prevent the perennial problem of skiddies on the bowl?
It seems simple enough to me.

The Great Rice Crispie Shortage

Can't find anybody with them in stock, happened before about a month ago. Has there been a problem with the rice crispie harvest?

I wouldn't mention it except it's the only cereal L will eat that isn't coated in sugar/chocolate.

How To Rescue The Isle of Man From The VAT Shortfall

It's headless chicken time on the rock. Government finances have just been shafted by our bigger, tougher neighbour and now it's "tough times ahead". In all the doom and gloom though people are forgetting about one thing,no, not Investing - I'm talking about the internet.

The Department of Trade and Industry have got us all covered, so no need to panic people! You see all we need to do is setup home businesses doing thing like...I dunno maybe making homemade greetings cards or painting stones and then via the power of the shopiom.com portal we can sell them to people all around the world. Even people in France have the internet, crisis, we'll make a killing? The Isle of Man could become the cottage industry centre of the world, all powered by Venda, it will be awesome.

So for anyone who finds themselves in financial shit creek because of what's going on my advice is pickup some stones (we have plenty), buy some paint and get cracking. Tough times my ass, shopiom.com is all we need.

How Not To Deal With Debt Part 2

Do not spent £100 on a pillow. Even better, don't buy 2.

How Not To Deal With Debt

1. Do not borrow even more money, surely that's just common sense?

2. Do not start selling of what you've bought for a fraction of its value

Anybody want to copy Labour in?

Ukraine vs England - Not On TV

Ukraine vs England is on Saturday. The nation that invented the game, has the buzz from early World Cup qualification and is generally regarded as one of the most football mad countries in the world doesn't get to watch their national teams latest world cup qualifier live on TV? That's seriously screwed up. It's bad enough when only pay per view channels get to show the national team but to not show it at all? Mental.

What's even worse is if you want to watch the match online you're looking at a one of price of £4.99 up until Wednesday I think, and then a piss taking'ly marvelous £9.99 after that. £9.99 for a single online streamed game! So what will happen is that a load of people will either forget or pray that something will happen to show the game on TV and end up desperate on Saturday and pay £9.99. Except there is a flaw in the plan of the schemers behind this, the online bookie Bet365 also have the rights to show the game and signing up with them is free. So it may not be as good as watching it from the comfort of your sofa on a large TV but at least if you're having to watch it online you can do it for free, just sign up at Bet365.

Note:- I've just been contacted by the company running this game and have been asked to promote it - for a price. It looks like I've made a massive mistake here, it's not £9.99 they are going to charge but actually £11.99! Yes, el-ev-en pounds and 99 pence to watch Ukraine vs England online. Not in 3D, not in HD, not an actual ticket to the game but to watch the game streamed over the net. Jesus H Christ, anybody paying that is stupid, anybody paying that when Bet365 are showing the game for free is clearly a mental!

People Who Pick Up Dog Shit

Was on the bus this morning and as we were heading up the hill we happened to go past some woman walking her dog. That's not quite right, cos at that point she wasn't so much walking the dog as fondling its shit. What I'm wondering here is what is the correct response to this? On the bus it looked like 90% of people diverted their gaze to straight ahead and locked it that way. The other 10% continued to stare out the window at the lady playing play-dough with turd. What are you supposed to do?

I should point out that I applaud people who love their animals enough to walk around after them picking up crap. Its reason enough for me to never own a dog. It's certainly a lot better than the other filthy bastards who just leave their dogs to shit everywhere for us to walk in. The Isle of Man used to be some sort of dog shit capital but it has gotten much better, far from perfect but better. It's just....you know...the whole picking up shit thing with your hands...with only a thin piece of plastic for protection. Doing it can't be great, watching somebody else isn't great either. Think I'll stick with being a diverter.

Natural Selection in Reverse

Bin Men in my day were something to secretly admire. They were smelly granted yet you had a grudging respect for these men that was left unsaid. They rose early in the morning combing the village and emptying your rubbish (no reuse, recycling in those days). They were hulking muscled men as well as they had to tote large bins crammed full of rubbish up and down lanes and drives and then heave them into the back of the lorry.

Just driving to work this morning and we were held up by the Bin Men (mind you they are probably called Refuse Collection Officers or something like that) and to a man they were all weedy individuals. All the bins now days have wheels, and even when they get it to the lorry, they simply push a button and it’s lifted automatically and emptied.

It’s a shocking state of affairs. Darwin will be turning in his grave. What happens when technology lets them down? How will they be able to cope without the muscular skeleton capable of great feats of strength?

It’s the children I feel sorry for now, for all the bin men have left is the smell!

All I want is a Hand Held Vacuum

Right all I want is a hand held vacuum to clean the car etc that’s it. However living on The Rock makes it impossible. I have researched and found this to be the best model the Black & Decker VH780 it also has the added value of being able to inflate which is handy when guest stay and we need the airbed.
Right, so that is the hard part over, the research and reading reviews, now the easy bit of buying it.
Looking on the B&D site the only local store is B&Q. However a visit to the store and website shows they don’t sell them. Never mind I’ll try the Isle of Man Shopping portal. No such luck as I couldn’t find it in Google (well not on the first 5 pages).
Right, let’s try Google Products or Pricerunner (my favourite): Success I’ve found 4 places that sell it. No let’s just sign up to the websites and go through the shopping cart….. HANG ON!!!!
UK mainland Delivery is £5 and they want £25 to the Isle of Man…. That’s 80% of the cost of the item….
Why can’t Play.com sell everything? They manage to get 37” LCD TV’s to my door for NO delivery..
Fookers the lot of them!

Doing The End 2 End In Style

Because when you're one of the Manx Lads riding from one end of the Island to the other isn't challenge enough, you have to do it 1 handed whilst holding your breath!



Well done Mikey!

Providing Some Balance

So that last post may come across as being a bit harsh. It might be harsh but it's also true. A lot of people just aren't suited to University or even the sort of high paying jobs that they dream of post university. Get over it, I wish the Government would and maybe cut back on some of the money being spent on sending people away to go on the piss for 3 years!

Saying that I do actually feel sorry for those looking for work now. We've had it drummed into us for 15 years that if you're not at Uni you're a nobody. Normal jobs are for scum. Even your average school leaver with half a dozen GCSEs expects to walk into a bank job on £15k+ a year. They've never heard that all work is honorable and there's no way they'll go looking down the ladder at the type of jobs that are still available. So you end up in a situation where the job centre is advertising hundreds of jobs, there are hundreds of people on job seekers and yet there's no movement.

Then again I don't feel as sorry for them as I do the generation that is to come in another 4 or 5 years. Just wait until the recession that we've borrowed outselves out of now really hits in a few years time :(

Didn't Get The A Level Results You Wanted?

Well I guess you either didn't try hard enough or you've simply not got the brains? Shit happens, not everybody is suited to study. If you've screwed up your A-levels chances are that if you go to Uni you'll screw up there as well, pissing away even more tax payers money. So for christs sake please stop dreaming of University and instead start thinking about trying to get a fucking job! Thankyou.

Anybody who thinks....

...that the Isle of Man is immune to the financial problems gripping the world right now really should go and check out the queue outside Markwell House at 9 o'clock on a Monday morning.

I remember when the queue was 2 people sat on the bench, I think that's what they were waiting for anyway. It seems to be getting longer every week.

I Didn't Know The Isle of Man Had A Post Code Lottery

But it seems like it does when it comes to broadband (that old chestnut again!) I have ranted long and hard about how crap our broadband speed is. Well it seems as though Manx Telecom decided to do something about it, they've put in a rIsam no more than a mile from our house. We should be getting at least 4-5 meg now.

If only things were as simple as that heh. You see we live on the outskirts of a council estate, in a privately owned house (as if it matters). On the other side of the council estate is a large estate of 4-5 bedroom private houses - Farmhill. Think doctors and advocates. This is where they've located the rISAM. I've just heard back this minute that only certain circuits are eligible to go on the new rISAM, see if you can guess? Yep, only those living in their big houses in Farmhill. Everybody else gets to enjoy their fucking shit broadband for a bit longer. It's good to know that the class system is still alive and well on the Isle of Man.

Why does this bother me? Because I know a few people who live in Farmhill and know for a fact that their broadband speed was already quicker than ours before the rISAM was put in. Once again Manx Telecom, priorities you bunch of dickheads.

Here's a recent report on the UK's broadband speeds:-
UK ISP Review

I currently pay £28 a month for an 8 Mb service that delivers at less than 2Mb, much much worse than even the worst UK ISP. Nice.

Jeremy Paxman - What A Cunt

I don't normally watch News Night but stumbled across it yesterday. Can anybody explain why the BBC is still giving this fuckwit our license money?

He was doing a piece on Afghanistan, they had various experts including somebody from the Afghan foreign ministry, an ex commander etc etc It would have been quite interesting as well if only after asking a question JP would let the fucking EXPERTS answer it without braying and naying like some sort of demented sheepgoat. We'd like to hear their opinions without you shouting "no no no" every 30 seconds, please please please will somebody just hit him the next time he insists on rudely interrupting and answering his own question?

25th June 2009 - A day we'll never forget

I doubt anyone could have missed the Media Circus that started late yesterday?

Farrah Fawcett, one of Charlies angels and (more importantly) ex-wife of the Bionic Man himself has died. I think this will put into perspective exactly what six million dollars will buy.

RIP Farrah (so famous they named Jeans after her).

It's a bitter pill to swallow, especially as it follows so soon after the death of Elvis 'Aaron' Presley.

When will they finally make death illegal?!

God Bless our Celebrities - every single one.

Recommended On The Isle Of Man

As anybody who as ever read more than two of my posts could figure out I'm a right whinging bastard. That's certainly how it comes across anyway. In reality I like to think of it more like I'm a very simple person. ALL I ever want is the path of least resistance - I want people to do what they say they are going to do at the price they say they are going to do it. Anyhoo, this doesn't seem to go down very well on the rock - as our attempts at finding a plumber this week have born out - so I figured what the hell, why not start a list of companies that meet my ever so stringent standards (i.e. they do what they say at an agreed price). So here you go, for the benefit of the other Manx Lads and the 3 other regular readers we have the beginning of the "Recommended On The Isle of Man" list (please feel free to add your own) -

ISPs
WiManx - Why? Because they are cheaper than Manx Telecom, they don't throttle your bandwidth, a free static IP and most importantly their support team respond.

Plumbers
A to Z Plumbing - Why? Fuck me, a plumber that turns up on the day they said they would (they same day we phoned them). Were willing to buy what we needed from the merchants and take away our old one. Came and fitted a new toilet (no not a whole new bathroom) in an hour. No leaks, no fuss, no need to get them back. 100% the opposite of every other plumber I've dealt with.

Action Services - Wanted our old back boiler replacing and a new condensing combi boiler fitted. Gave Steve a call, he came around priced the job, gave recommendations for where best to put things and then arranged a date to have it done. Date came, work started, 2 days later we had a new boiler with no hassles or problems and cheaper than the couple of other quotes we got.

Painters & Decorators
DP Cowley Painters & Decorators - After looking at the same wallpaper for 10 years it was time for the living and dining rooms to get decorated. I don't do wallpaper. Got quotes and were frankly fucked about from asshole to breakfast time with what they would and wouldn't do (I did a post on this somewhere) Contacted DP Cowley, Paul arrived on time to do the quote, gave us the quote in writing the next day, was happy to do or arrange everything (yes including removing the radiators), was honest about when he could start the job (i.e. no false promises), arrived on time, cleaned up after themselves and then most importantly the finish we got was better than anything we could have possibly hoped for.