Rugby Fixtures this Weekend.

Thank god for SKY+

How many will you watch?

Date Fixture Channel Competition
Fri 31 Newcastle v Connacht (7.30pm) SS2 7pm Challenge Cup
Sat 01 Chiefs v Highlanders (8.35am) SS3 8.30am Super 14
Sat 01 Leicester v Bath (12.30pm) SS2 12pm Heineken Cup
Sat 01 Toulouse v Leinster (3pm) SS2 12pm Heineken Cup
Sat 01 Bradford v Hull BBC1 2.30pm Challenge Cup
Sat 01 Munster v Perpignan (5.30pm) SS1 5.15pm Heineken Cup
Sat 01 Wigan v Wakefield BBC2 2.30pm Challenge Cup
Sun 02 Biarritz v Sale Sharks (5pm) SS2 4.30pm Heineken Cup

Coooonts !!!!!!!!

Another year’s pay review has come and gone, and once again no bonus.

Bastard coooonts.

The only thing we get is a 2.1% pay rise, and at my measly salary that’s only £500 a year, which works out at £41.50 extra per month.

Bastard coooonts the lot of them.

I find out on Monday if my £5,000 training course has been approved, which would be something I suppose. However, I would rather have half the money in cash, which means both of us are happy. They save £2500 and I get some spending.

Bastard coooonts.

Stag Weekend.

One of the lads is off to Latvia for a stag weekend tomorrow. They are doing the usual stuff, drinking, strippers etc. However, they have also lined up going shooting; not your normal Shotgun, this is AK47 shooting.

Which is every schoolboys fantasy.

Lucky cooonts.

A Good Soldier.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4856074.stm

Why all this uproar and commotion over ID cards. I personally think it’s a good idea, maybe it’s because I am a good soldier and do as I’m told. Maybe it’s because I am a mostly law abiding citizen, that doesn’t intend to be a burglar, rapist or murderer and therefore don’t mind the Government having my DNA on record.

I really can’t see all the fuss, what are people afraid of? It’s not big brother, it’s just makes sense, if it cut’s down NHS fraud, which is something like £32 billion a year, surely that money saved can be spent on health and education…

Come on people, if you’ve got nothing to hide then step up and get your finger prints taken.

If you don’t like it, there’s a plane every morning to Russia, Iraq or Afghanistan… You commie bastards…

Boring

If I wore these glasses all day at work, there would be alarm bells ringing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4856050.stm

They are all a bunch of boring geeky accountant nerds (at least most of them are)

What the hell have I got to say?

Nothing!

I’ve had stuff to do at work recently, just spreadsheets, but it’s been nice to see the days fly by. Apart from that there is nothing to say.

I had a most enjoyable quiet night out with the wife on Monday; we had a quiet night in last night. We are watching “Red Eye” tonight and I’m watching “Doom” tomorrow night.

Saturday we are out with a load of people.

That is basically it.

There is a rumour that we will find out our bonus figures this Friday or lack of bonus figures as it turned out this time last year… cooonts.

That’s it really.

I was going to comment on these two articles, but I can’t be arsed.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4853548.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/4853318.stm

Have a great rest of the weekend.

Thanks, but no thanks

It's my dads birthday this week, luckily (and very rarely for my family) he actually has a hobby which makes it reasonably easy to buy a present for him. He's a big angler, so it's either tackle or more likely a book or DVD. Seeing as how the shops on the Isle of Man are crap I thought I'd check out Amazon.co.uk to see what they had on offer...

with all the recent trouble about browsing in work and e-mail shenanigans I thought there could be some risk but what the hell heh. No sooner has the page loaded when there's loud laughter from behind me (nosey bastards), top of my "Amazon Recommends" list was this little gem The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. I'm guessing this is a whole book dedicated on how to say bend over?

How Amazon managed to pick that considering all I've ever ordered from them is techy books and gadgets I've got no bloody idea but can I get rid of it? This tinternet is a dangerous place and I still haven't bought my dad anything.

Mum’s Day

It was a funny old weekend; I went to bed on Saturday Night complaining to my incredibly sexy wife that I felt as if the weekend had been a dead loss and that I hadn’t done anything. The only highlight up to that point was watching the incredibly thrilling Sale Shark’s vs. London Irish game, what a cracker to say the least.

However, all that changed on Mummy’s day. I got up early and waited for the kids to get up. When they finally decided to leave their pits, we began the breakfast feast for Princess. The tray was festooned with a Bacon & Mushroom toasty, OJ, Tea, Flowers, Cards and gifts.

The children then fawned over Mum for the next hour or so, which was nice for her. We then got ready and picked up my Mum before heading off to the restaurant for a three-course feast. Daniel was impeccably well behaved and also ate everything on his plate. My roast dinner didn’t have a roast potato like everyone else, which I mentioned in passing to a waitress, she then reappeared a couple of mins later with a bowl full of them… Result!

Needless to say after three courses including about 7 large roasties I was stuffed….

We also finished the night off with a couple of bottles of Bubbly.

So all in all Sunday made the weekend.

I hope all you Mum’s out there got exactly what you deserve.

Bugger

Let me start by stating I’m trying REALLY hard not to spend money today. I have just received an email from Sky, offering me first choice on the new SKY HD service. This is a limited service to start with and that it is on a first come first serve basis.

I can get Sky HD before you general Public type people can get it because I signed up as an interested party months and months ago.

The only problem is money…..

It’s £299 for the new box. That for those who don’t know me, is exactly £299 more than I have available to spend and coincidently exactly £299 more than I have in our savings account.

I did mention that it’s bonus time at the end of this month, and IF by some miracle I get a bonus of £1500. I shall treat myself for putting up with this place by purchasing said HD service. Otherwise I shall have to wait for next year, as I will definitely be getting it for the Rugby World Cup.

But if anyone has a spare £299 and wants to put it to a worthy cause, please contact me immediately.

Colloquialisms

I was chatting on MSN this morning and found myself using the phrase "he could always kip down" meaning "he could go to sleep".

Now, in my tenure in Canada I have adapted. Being of high intellect, I am able to speak Canadianese. It's like English but with far fewer words and no slang (apart from adding 'eh' to everything).

But Shirley (being a woman) struggles. An example:

Our car was getting fixed, so Shirley rang a friend and asked if she could "bum a lift". There are so many reasons a Canadian wouldn't understand this not least of which is that Shirley has a manx/yorkshire accent.

So, not unexpectedly, her friend didn't understand.

At which point, Shirley's brilliant strategy for dealing with the vocab. limited Canadians kicks in. She just speaks slower and louder.

"CAN - I - BUM - A - LIFT"

It's hysterical.

Before they die, everyone should see the look of total confusion on a Canucks face with Shirley shouting the following:

"WIND - YOUR - NECK - IN" (i.e. calmn down)
"SHE'S - POTS - FOR - RAGS" (i.e. she's mentally deranged)
"CHIPS - AND - MUSHY - PEAS - PLEASE" (no known translation)

Sometimes, she finishes her bizarre phrase as though it will become self explanatory. For example, if someones pant leg didn't meet their shoe (thereby revealing sock):

"Put jam on shoes" says Shirley
"Ugh?" replies the Canadian
"(sigh) Put some jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea" she says, somehow explaining all.
"Ugh?" repeats the Canadian

But I will give her credit. She decided early on to remain true to her heritage and remains uncompromised. Me? I'm a total sell out. That's it for now, I gotta put out the trash, eh!

Great Night Out

Well the call went out and all the lads responded. So for once, the wife stayed in and I went out. For some reason it was actually heaving with people in the Pub, but we had a great time. We drank beer, and talked up the old times as if they were the good old days. We spent hours taking the piss out of each other, which is a bloke’s favourite past time. We talked of Ferengi’s, Halitosis, Hairy Backs and Tomb Stones. It was a hoot.

I also found out to my disbelief that I am in fact a Communist at heart… Who would have thought?

I also showed the wife how to come home; you should come home” Drunk & Sleepy”, not as she does, “Drunk & Horny”.

It turns out whilst I was out, she was on the phone to her cousin (who lives virtually at the bottom of the road) for 2.5 hours??? Two and half hours on the phone WTF?? What do you talk about for that long? Chicks Eh!

Great Night indeed and I look for to the Official Congrats to Steve & Yvonne drinks soon.

A Glorious Day!

It’s as sunny as a sunny thing on Sunny Day today on the Jewel in the Irish Sea (aka The Rock).

I’m in a good mood as well, must have something to do with the Sunshine.

I’m out with the lads tonight, just for a few drinks and a chat. It should be a laugh.

I’ve also been reading other people’s blogs this morning (nothing new there then), but it does surprise me how good at writing some of them are, or at least how well written they are and the thoughts they get across. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two types of Blogs out there (or out here as it were).

Diary Blogs: I had chips and Red Wine last night and watched TV.

The Other Type: I can’t really think of a single word to describe them, but they leave you thinking about what they said. They are not telling you what they have done in the last 24 hours, but are telling you either a little about themselves or a little about the way they think.

Obviously this blog is most ramblings and more of a Diary blog, apart from when Mikey has his idle musing, or Paul goes off on one of his Rants…

That’s it really, I off to do a bit of work, once I’ve made a cup of tea and finished reading Skysports Rugby and the AV Forum.

Have a nice midweek day.

Blast from the Past

As I came out of the Gym at lunch time, some fella was just walking past. We both briefly looked at each other and then carried on our separate ways.

It wasn’t till I was around the corner that it sunk in who it was. It was an old friend that I haven’t seen since I was a Primary School, some 28 years ago (I’m trying not to think how old that statement makes me feel).

Anyway, luckily living on the Rock, there is nothing sacred, and 15 mins later I had it confirmed that he was living back on the Island, where he worked and his email address.

So we are going out for a drink next week to catch up on old times… I think I’ll bring Ady along, as after 30 mins of catching up, we’ll have nothing to say.

So for those out there who remember Mr John Melia, who was once listed as one of the Top Ten Most Eligible Bachelors in London, we are going for a drink if you wish to tag along.

He also made me promise not to tell Barry where he was… So hush hush Bro.

To sleep, perchance to Dream

Or as Keats puts it:
O soft embalmer of the still midnight,
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleas'd eyes, embower'd from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine:
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close
In midst of this thine hymn my willing eyes,
Or wait the "Amen," ere thy poppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities.
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes,--
Save me from curious Conscience, that still lords
Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And seal the hushed Casket of my Soul.

Could I sleep last night? Could I bollocks… I tried turning off the light at 11:45pm, but by 1.30am I was still looking at the clock and trying to find a comfortable position. So bollocks this, I thought, and I popped downstairs to watch TV.

I watched the Gadget show first, and entered their competition to win £4000 worth of cool gadgets. Then I watched some Babecast XXX, and a little TV Girls Live. Actually I watched “Planet Earth”, but that doesn’t sound as Heterosexual as the naked chicks programs.

Anyhoo, I eventually wandered back up to bed at 3.30am and struggled to find sleep. I think it was around 4.00am the last time I looked at the clock. That is, till the alarm went off at 7.30am.

I hate sleep… it’s an elusive mistress.

That's not snow...

In response to the snowy pics posted on this very blog a few days back, I thought I'd show you what snow is really like. This was taken last night.

We don't measure it in centimetres, we measure in feet.

Real Age

My actual age is 37.7
My 'real age' is 36.7

Basically, I eat sod all fruit and veg and ride a bicycle without a helmet. Sue me.

And I need to lose a bit of weight. Oh, and drink more alcohol!

My “Real Age”

I have just done this online test (http://test.realage.co.uk/) to see how old I really am, after being called, “Old & Haggard” by my nearest and dearest.

Congratulations! You've completed the test!

Your age is: 39.1
Your 'real age' is: 37.9, but you could be younger!
Difference: -1.2

Your Personalized Recommendations
What can you do to start growing younger? Read the personal recommendations and benefits below to see how simple choices can affect your rate of aging.

YOU SLEEP A LITTLE LESS THAN AVERAGE. IF YOU DON'T FEEL WELL RESTED, TRY TO GET A LITTLE MORE SLEEP.
Sleep is an important way in which the body regulates itself. Although you may be getting the right amount of sleep, getting too little can be stressful to your body. You might try going to sleep a little earlier and sticking to this same regular sleep schedule every day.

FLOSS EVERY DAY.
Flossing is the most important thing you can do to prevent periodontal disease and needless aging.

REDUCE YOUR ALCOHOL INTAKE.
For most people, moderate alcohol consumption (1/2 - 1 units a day) slows the aging process. Drinking more than that makes your 'real age' older.

FOR MAXIMUM HEALTH BENEFITS INCREASE YOUR VEGETABLE INTAKE.
Ideally, you should be eating 5-6 servings of vegetables every day. A diet high in vegetables is not only a diet high in vitamins and nutrients, but also fibre. Maximize the anti-aging properties of antioxidants by increasing your vegetable intake.

IF POSSIBLE, ADD FISH OR OTHER SOURCES OF OMEGA-3 FATTY ACIDS TO YOUR DIET SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK.
Besides being a good source of protein and vitamins, fish contains omega-3 fatty acids, which reduce triglyceride levels in the blood and slow aging of the arteries. Be sure to eat at least 2 servings of non-fried fish per week for optimal health benefits.

A Woman Who Reads!

One morning a husband returns to his lake cabin after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors
out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book, enjoying the
peace and quiet.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can
also think.

Why oh Why Would I Want to?

Go Out that is.

My wife is always complaining that I never go out and give her a night to herself. She is good enough, to go out with the girls at least once a week to allow me some alone time, but I never reciprocate and allow her the same luxury.

But why would I want to go out.

At home, I have an extremely comfortable sofa, my house is very warm and welcoming. I have a nice 37” HD TV, Broadband, Xbox 360, Sky +, DVD’s galore and a fridge full of beer and wine.
It seems to me that there is no reason to go out? I’ve been out and done that, but you can’t beat home, a real home and that’s what I have.

However, there is one reason, Mates (Friends, Pals, Buddies, Chums, Comrades, Besties).

You can’t invest enough time in your friends. They are there (if they are not, then they are not really mates) when you need them. When times are bad or girlfriends are as crazy as a bag of cats, it’s mates that keep you sane. Girlfriends come and go, but mates are there for the long haul.

So I have decided to make more of an effort and get out with the Lads every couple of weeks. Email is not enough any more, neither is interaction via the medium of Blog.

I need real life, sit down, beer in one hand and talk bollocks for 4 hours, sort of interaction.

So the call has gone out and I am awaiting a response.

The Great Height Conspiracy

Have you ever noticed that we are all, in fact, pretty much the same height?

Although we often describe somebody as 'short' or 'tall' there's not really much difference. A short man would be, say, 5'4 whereas a tall man would be 6'1. That's only a 10% difference. Hardly a drop in the ocean, it's not as if tall people are triple the height of short people.

In fact, visitors from outer-space might consider us all to be the same size. They might be gobsmacked (or the equivalent alien jargon) by our entire culture which is centred around height. They'd say "but you're all pretty much the same height, we'd need very high precision measuring devices to tell the difference" or "gak spp'j cwk taaaak".

You get my point.

Of course there are anomalies. Some examples follow:

1. Really tall black people
2. Children
3. People lying down

And, on a side note, although there are extra-large and extra-small sizes, there is no extra-medium. Now that is pure discrimination.

I think you'll all agree, free porn rules!

Thankyou.