2 Things

1. The internet is jam packed with mentals.

On average 2-3 times a week I get an e-mail from a random asking for help with some type of techy (usually programming) problem.  I always reply with a solution or at worst point them in the right direction.  I am nice people.  Why then do 90% of them either not reply at all (a thank you would be nice) or even worse respond with a thousand fucking picky points about my reply?  For fucks sake if you know it all already why bother asking for help in the first place?  There's a whole fucking world of prick laden, know-it-all, gob shite forums out there for you to bother without sending me e-mails.

2. Eight straight days in the gym without a break is not good for you, my knees are proof.

Mad Skillz

All those crazy IT skillz and yet their website looks like a 10 year old knocked it up, more excellence from the IOM.

ps I bet £1 that some sort of government contract changes hands sooner rather than later, don't know why, just a gut feeling.

Aliens Colonial Marines Review

I went against all the reviews and bought this when it was on offer through Steam, glad I did.

It is a proper Marmite game.  If you are of the CoD generation then you'll be concerning yourself with the average graphics, limited weapons, non regenerating health (oh no, perish the thought) and dark visuals.  You will hate it.

If on the other hand you remember the earliest days of the FPS genre and/or you happen to think that Aliens is one of the best films ever made then you will forget all that other crap, you'll be far too excited at getting to walk around Hadley's Hope and defend the command centre.  At being able to be killed in a couple of seconds.  Of finding out what happened between Aliens and Alien 3.

There have been plenty of games over the years where people would argue that the graphics weren't important, this game in my opinion is one where a few gameplay issues are equally not important.  If you've got your Alien blu-ray boxed set in pride of place and you've even bought the AvP films then I would strongly suggest you fuck the reviews and pick up a copy of this on the cheap.

Never A Dull Day

A lot of my time in the past 6 months has been spent wondering whether or not I should go back to the world of normal employment and working for the man.  To be honest my health has been crap for a couple of years and I'm not sure how much of it is down to the stress of being a 1 man show...quite a lot if it I guess.  Then there's the money side of things, we're not poor but the biggest issue with working for yourself is the whole not knowing how much money you'll have from 1 month to the next, in some ways it inspires saving, in other ways it would be really nice to be able to blow some of that cash on completely pointless shit.  It can never happen, even in the good times I always had an unwritten rule that I would never spend more than a fraction of what I made in a month.  These days the fraction has got bigger but the principal is still there, never spend more than you earn, if that ever happens I'd have to seriously think about getting a job, 2 months of that and the choice is taken away from me, I get a job.

So July was a bit of a fucker then.  For the first time in nearly 7 years it looked like I was stuffed.  There are bad months and then there are "holly mother fucking shit how the fuck can so much stuff go wrong at the same time" types of month.  This type of thing in 2009-10 would have been been met with a meh shit happens reaction.  That type of month in 2013 is serious stress.  For 30 days I was convinced it was going to be my first ever negative month.  For the last 7 days my head has been churning weighing up the pro's and con's of going back into an office

Pro's

Regular Pay Cheque
Paid Holidays
Regular Hours
More Sociable
 
Con's

No More Fuck It I'm Going Out On The Boat Days
Travel
Interfering With My Gym Schedule
Having To Deal With Dickheads (Optional when working for yourself)
The Politics
No More Wearing Shorts To Work

 The more I think about the con's the more I can see where I might be going wrong with this whole running a business thing!  Anyhoo, July, it was shit.  I was shitting it.  For the last couple of weeks I've worked my ass off trying to get some things in place to save August.  Then yesterday I'm reminded why I started working for myself in the first place, because once upon a time I was actually quite good at things and when you're good enough at those sort of things (cryptic enough for you?) there's usually good money to be made.  The biggest problem is motivation and nothing motivates like desperation.  I tested something on the back of a brain fart a week ago, yesterday it made enough to cover July and most of Augusts out-goings.  I can now sit back on my lazy unmotivated ass and plan the next fishing trip.  Result. 

Perhaps I missed the biggest con of working in a normal office job, the never ending fucking dullness of it.  I once read a book called The Little Book Of Stress and it had something like get real get stressed on the cover, maybe they had a point?

The TT That Was

Our TT summed up in pictures:-

There was the racing as well, but with the best week of boat weather we've had in 7 years it was much easier to get the hell out of there and put the radio on.

TT 2013 Is Nearly Here

My favorite time of year on the island, when the place has some life about it and normal island life is forgotten about for 2 weeks.  Unfortunately it's also the time of year when the island's roads are turned into the motoring equivalent of a mental asylum.

With this in mind I had a brain wave yesterday to strap a 3D camera to the car and do a lap of the TT course before it gets too chaotic.  The plan was to upload it to YouTube because there are plenty of TT nerds out there who appreciate this sort of thing.  It was supposed to be a nice leisurely drive taking in all the scenery of the worlds most famous road racing circuit, leisurely it certainly was but as for scenic...not so much.  Not unless you count looking at the backs of HGV's.  Overall it took nearly an hour and a half to do the 37 and a bit miles, that's an average speed of somewhere around 25 mph!  Read it and weep speed freaks!  That is the reality of driving on the Isle of Man, even on what should have been a nice quiet Wednesday afternoon with people in work and kids in school.  For all but about 10-15 minutes of that I was stuck in a queue of traffic behind one thing or another, 3 HGV's, 1 tractor, lost count of cyclists and 1 old person who wasn't going to go above 25 mph in any circumstances as if his life depended on it.  All in there were about 3 safe opportunities to overtake in that 37 miles.  It took so long that just as it got interesting up on the Mountain the cameras battery gave up, that'll be sods law for you!

Overall then it was a fairly shit experience.  The footage was for the most part useless, I wasted petrol going nowhere quick and then there was the cunt over the Mountain.  I was happily following a visiting biker who was doing 60ish (fast enough), I don't think they were sure where they were going so I was happy to give them some room.  Not so the twat behind me who decided he must get past.  So when I slowed down to give the bike in front time to turn right onto a side road the idiot behind decided he was going for it, totally oblivious to the bike slowly turning right across his path.  Having been watching this bell-end in the mirror for a minute I could almost guess what he was going to do so I just had enough time to slam on the anchors and let him back onto the left side of the road in front of me before he hit the bike.  I did get a nice nod and wave from the passenger on the bike who probably needed some new knickers, welcome to the Isle of Man mate! And the carnage hasn't even started yet.

=====

And so it begins...took all of 1 day:-

http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/isle-of-man-news/hunt-for-car-after-biker-is-hurt-1-5712605 

and to keep up to date with the fun and games

Isle of Man Police Facebook Page

Iron Man 3

Thought it was OK, a bit long for one of these types of film and also quite surprisingly lacking in action.  Iron Man seemed to spend most of the film moping around feeling sorry for himself for no apparant reason.  Would I go to the cinema to watch it again? No.  Will I buy the Blu-Ray? Possibly, if only to watch it in 2D because the 3D brought nothing to the party except a pain above my ears where the cheapo glasses dug into my fat head.

In other Iron Man news me giving up the gym didn't last very long, but it is on its last chance now, if I'm not cut by the end of the month I'm definitely packing it in.

The End Of An Era

Father time has caught up with me and it's time to face facts, I'm getting old.  For all my adult life I've been a member of one gym or another but on Friday I decided to finally call it a day after the worst set of results I've ever seen.

Since January I've been working my ass off, pyramid sets, ascending drop sets, an intense cardio regime, in short about 2 hours a day of serious gym time...the results of this, absolutely fuck all.  Body weight the same, body fat percentage the same, lean muscle the same.  Yes I can lift a little more but I'm not here to compete in worlds strongest man, the idea was trim and tone and that's what I geared towards, burning an extra 6-7000 calories a week should more than do that.  In my early 20's this sort of regime would have had drastic results in 6-8 weeks, now I might as well as sat on the sofa and ate pie for all the difference it's made.  So to the gym I say fuck you, it's been fun but from now on I'll save the 35 quid a month, 14 hours a week, cheers.   

Fucking Sky

Got rid of it 5 months ago, haven't missed it one bit. 

Every week they phone up asking us to "Come Back To Sky", 2-3 times a week we get an exlcusive "Come Back To Sky" offer through the post.  I got fed up today and phoned them up to say stop it, they wanted my account password, I don't have an account I cancelled it?  They can't change my contact preferences without having my account password, I don't have an account I explained again. 

Except I do.  When you take out a Sky subscription for one of their services they assign you a Sky ID and it is never deleted.  If you sign up for an online account you can see that THEY can see all your details and it is impossible to have this account removed.  You can never ever actually leave Sky, they will just hold on to your details as long as your account is left open, an account you can't close.  Fuckers.  Nice to see the Data Protection Act doing it's job heh?  Somebody should really have a word with them about what information they are allowed to retain and for how long.

Want To Earn More And Work Less?

Nope this isn't some scammy "get rich quick" internet marketing system, it's actual real life shit.  How would you like to cut down your hours by about 10%, earn considerably more and gain a whole raft of benefits you could only dream about including a final salary pension?  Not only that but you also get to forget about the company you work for going bust, the pressures of working in a commercial environment, "late" salary payments because of a bad month and needing to ass kiss clients because you need the business!

As an exclusive bonus to this once in a lifetime offer I'm also throwing in the opportunity to have your breakfast during working time and extra days off for having your lunch at your desk....I like to call it the flexi-time meal bonus.

Your only obligation is to turn up, not upset anybody and if you can  try and look at least a little busy that would be nice.

For further details please check out page 11 of this document. **HURRY** This opportunity will only be available for as long as the population of the Isle of Man are happy to fund the inbred old boys club currently running the show.

(Un)Interesting Observation

I've signed up again with e-bay, it'll only be a matter of time before the account is hacked and all sorts of hassle goes down but in the meantime I needed a few electronics bits that I could only find on there.  One expensive (£120) comes from the USA with paid ($20) postage.  Once cheap (£11) comes from China with free postage.  Both packages are about the same size and posted on the same day.

Bit surprised then to find out that the Chinese parcel gets here a whole 5 days before the American one.  What does this tell us?  Not a lot, except perhaps not to be so dubious of ordering stuff from China, which opens up a whole new world of purchasing obscure crap.

Far Cry 3 Review

If Far Cry 2 had a very simple child that was initially fun to play with but very soon the limited simplicity became very, very boring then that would be Far Cry 3.  In short they have taken everything away that made Far Cry, then Far Cry 2 challenging (and fun for more than a few hours) and left you with a-n-other CoD mongathon.  I loved it for a couple of hours but now having forced myself through the whole game (the child analogy stops here) it's heading straight for the swapsie pile at Game.

I could say the same about Mass Effect 3 but I'll save that for a different but equally fucking hilarious post.

Christmas Wrap-Up

Ho ho ho and all that shit. Here's a quick round-up of how things are going -

The lads Christmas day out was on the 8th of December this year and went very well for the rest of the lads (as far as I can gather nobody was arrested, hospitalised or divorced post event). My guts are still crap and even though I only had 4 or 5 drinks all day before calling it an early finish I have suffered, oh how I've suffered!  In fact today is the first day I've not looked pregnant and managed to unload something half normal, I'm going to call him Mr Hanky.  I could live without drinking the rest of the year but I used to enjoy a few at Christmas.

The people who dicked me over have now themselves been shafted to a whole new level of financial pain and misery. Shame.  I may send them a Christmas card with a pound note in it to show there is no hard feelings.  I don't like the world of finance so plans have been made in the New Year to take a step back to what I do enjoy.

All presents are bought, not wrapped, that's my rock and roll weekend planned.  I say all, I mean all the presents I needed to get, which is everything except the wifes family and friends.  The Mrs has once again decided the best policy was to wait until this week and then shop local.  No point arguing because she will never learn. I'm not doing a last minute online order with extra postage to make up for it this year, I like to see it as training.  Expect a similar blog post this time next year.

Other than that all systems go, a few bits of food left to get but then we're ready for action.  If I don't see you beforehand have a very Merry Christmas and all things being well I'll see the lads for the new years party.

Do Yourself A Favour

Enjoy a bit of Christmas spirit, take a look at this lady's amazing story:-



Support the Facebook page then buy the track from either Amazon or iTunes

Buy From Amazon

Buy From iTunes

I fucking hate cancer, just the word is bad enough never mind the puking shit, rotting away, body eating itself reality.  To meet it head on with a smile on your face is more than I think I or most could handle but the way this girl just ploughs on is pure inspiration.

Better Stick To Digging Holes

There's nothing that says "thank you for making us a really successful company from nothing, oh and rich!!!" better than 3 years into a long term deal declaring "fuck you we can't find our copy of the agreement no more money for you."  Knowing fine well that anything I show them will be pulled apart because they plain and simple want to keep everything for themselves.  Oh the joy.

Even worse in the world of business and finance acceptable ways of dealing with this seem to be:-

1.  I'm going to tell my lawyer on you
2.  Fake pleasant e-mails that have to end in Kind Regards
3. Cry

Where as according to people wiser than me these are not acceptable ways of resolving the issue:-

1.  Physical violence
2.  Nipping around the office for a quiet "word"
3.  Destroying their business & personal reputations

Sniveling little 2 bit office waller shit bags that wouldn't know about honor if it jumped up and took a dump on their face, and the world is full of them, they are everywhere. It's no wonder Corporate Lawyers earn so much with so many people willing to dick people over.  Anyhoo, it's a valuable lesson learned, it's also a very small island which makes this sort of nonsense even stupider.  But what can you do?  Dig holes that's what.

New York Webcam

Live broadcast by Ustream

Worst Hurricane ever?  Looks like a normal summers day on the Isle of Man.

(And I still haven't seen Godzilla)

DIY Or Not To DIY?

After 10 years of looking at the same wallpaper it's finally been decided that a holiday will be dropped from the schedule and we are going to decorate.  When I say we I don't mean me because of all the things in all the worlds, the one thing I won't and will never do is hanging wallpaper.  Painting yes, wallpaper no.  It goes back to GCSE art when in order to qualify to do the course you had to draw a box in 3D, I had every angle back to front so it had the perspective of being in the box looking out., my teacher was disgusted, I am fucking shit at anything that requires an artistic eye, I have artistic dyslexia.  To be honest I also wasn't that keen on getting involved in the knocking stuff down, making things good, general bits and pieces side of things either, I have a rapidly failing business, cash I have (for the time being), time I don't.  My plan was simple, spend cash and get a pro in to do it.

The wife had other ideas, why pay for labour when you can do it yourself and then spend that money on many lovely things for your new living room.  Just to be clear here I wasn't exactly being stingy with the budget but anyhoo, every penny saved on labour is a penny to be spent on stuff!  Giving the wife credit she did throw herself into this and did a great job of stripping the walls but even so I found myself getting too involved.  I didn't want anything to do with it, spend money, do nothing.  So when the plan on relying on favours finally looked like it was going to drag out I convinced her that it would be better to go with my plan and just pay somebody.  I would stump up the extra cash on top of the original budget.  How hard can it be, get estimates from painters and decorators and have them do it, it's what they do day in and day out surely?  Or so you'd think.  In my keenness to pay somebody I'd forgotten my one golden rule of dealing with the trades, nothing is every straight forward.  The only estimate we've had back so far has been the usual shit* where as what I want is "here is a room, make it look nice, I'm going out to work, see you later".  To be fair though the other 2 lads that have come around have looked a lot keener to actually do the work, just waiting to hear back from them now, fingers crossed.  It's still got me thinking, like I said we don't decorate on this scale very often so what the hell to other people do?  That first painter & decorator we had in seemed genuinely surprised that everything wasn't pristine for him to just slap some wallpaper on, surely by the time you've prepped everything you might as well just do the decorating yourself?  And by yourself I mean my wife.  Is it just us again or do painters and decorators usually walk into rooms where everything is exactly how they want it ready for chucking up some wallpaper?  The key here is I don't mind paying, I'm not expecting freebies chucked in, I just want to pay you to do the work so I don't have to! 

*An example of the usual shit:- We had a fence blow down, we got somebody in to replace it (I was too busy with work).  The conversation went along the lines, yes we can do your fence no problem, if you just get up to B&Q and get the panels you want, you'll also need some new posts so if you can sort them out and get them set ready for us, it's probably only 1 days work to put the fence up (it was 3 panels).  Oh and you'll need to get rid of the old fence first.  All I could do was shake my head and laugh as I tried to explain to him that if I was sorting out the panels (we don't have a van), tipping the old fence and putting in new posts I might as well attach the panels to the posts myself.  It was lost on him, he did actually think I was going to pay him a days labour to screw on 3 fence panels. I replaced the fence.

Stuff

Well I had to give up trying to get blood tests at the hospital, after spending a whole day phoning an engaged/off the hook phone eventually I gave the doctors a call and they said they could do my blood tests the next day, result.  Monday was in fact results day and they even phoned me, how's that for good service?  The good news is that I will live at least another couple of months, the bad news is that there is something wrong and I have to go for more tests in a couple of months to confirm that was is wrong is really wrong and then if it is...well I don't know what happens from there, probably lots of painkillers for ever.  Frankly after having to spend another night trying to sleep on the floor because of the pain I couldn't give a toss what it is as long as there's an answer to it.  It also means that I may get to have an x-ray done without having to wait 6 months+ for a consultant but I'll not hold my breath on that one.

Other than being in pain I've been playing a lot of Borderlands 2.  It's very similar to the first one but with some minor tweaks and quite a few more bugs (not the type that you shoot).  I've got loads of work to do at the moment and I knew I shouldn't have bought it, I forgot that I'd pre-ordered, it's just one of those games that steals days from you.  Before you know it half an hour turns into 5 hours and you're still chasing those few extra experience points to level-up.  I just keep on telling myself that the sooner I complete it the better because I can get back to work without any distractions.  I was the same with the first game so there's nothing new in any of this, I'm just getting older and easily distracted by anything that's not work, I think my productive years are behind me! Anyhoo, it is very good and if there's anybody looking for a game to eat up the hours and enjoys FPS/RPG type stuff then give it a go.    

Finally, I just checked on my fishing diary and it looks like we've had a total of 3 weeks summer this year. A week the end of March, a fairly nice week the end of May and that good week in August, that's yer lot.  The rest of it was a pile of wank.  What a happy thought that is with Christmas rapidly approaching and only 6 months to go till the next chance of a nice week.

Doctors

Finally took the time to go back to the doctors yesterday to try and get my back sorted once and for all (it's only been a year).  New Doctor is ace, hardly any wait, very friendly, wanting to look into things straight away...not a pain killer prescription in sight.

Then today I tried to get the ball rolling, a trip to the hospital first to schedule the x-ray.  Denied.  I am not over 55 so they will not x-ray my spine (no matter what the doctor who has just examined me says).  I'm 100% fucking sure that whatever dose of radiation they need is going to be of fook all consequence compared to the pain I've got to live in, but heh ho, it's the Isle of Man, "Where You Can!"  So I decided to go and book my blood tests instead, denied.  Having wasted an hour up at the hospital enough was enough so I came home to try and book the blood clinic appointment over the phone.  Denied.  25 minutes of trying with no joy, I'll try again later but the phone appears to be off the hook.

Finally, fucked off with having wasted yet another large chunk of my day trying to get this shit sorted I headed off to the chemist to pick up the prescription, this can't go wrong?  Denied.  The medication in question is in long term short supply on the island so I can either drive around the island hoping somebody has some old stock or go back to the doctor for a different prescription.

The Isle of Man....full off useless cunts.  Here's an idea, sack a few scrounging wastrels who do fuck all but push paper around and buy some fucking medicine so that I can then pay you for it.  Twats.

Update---- The phone is now back on the hook, but permanently engaged, at least it's progress!

 

Gym Toilets

Frankly Egypt smells better.  I don't know what they put in those protein shake things but if that's what falls out the other end then it can't be good for you.

Fat Kids In Liverpool T-Shirts

What is it that makes the little fuckers so determined to not see their next birthday?  If they're not jumping out into traffic they're falling of walls or running face first into a lamppost!  The dad in me really wanted to check to see if he was alright, the Manchester United supporter in me wanted to just roll on the floor pissing myself laughing*

* To be fair his own dad was also creased up laughing, well right up until the point where the screaching started anyway.

This Is Why Google Is Fucking Evil

See last post for context.

Porsche, Range Rover Or......

When you're a dot com billionaire how you get around is very important.  Me, I've always chosen to fly below the radar, first of all opting for the bus.  Then when the bus became more expensive than running a car (40k for a fucking bus driver, no wonder!) I decided to inherit the wifes old Rover.  What a beast, complete with the dodgiest wiring this side of Chernobyl, windows that didn't work and the sort of bubbling rust that would make the Titanic jealous. 

But all good things come to an end and so it was with the Rover, it was time for the knackers yard and time for me to splash some of that cash on a quality vehicle.  I never knew it would be so hard to pick a car.  When I was younger I would just go for something fast, sticky and stupidly expensive to insure.  That is where I started the search, from hot-hatches (I'm too old), to my dream Porsche (too young for my mid life crisis), to the practical Range Rover (great for towing the boat...cough...twice a year, but our drive is too small and the wife would want a bigger house ;)), to a Van.  I really really wanted a van to the point where I went to look at a couple but there was just always that nagging doubt of extra road tax, I'd probably use it for carrying stuff twice a year and what happens if I'm on taxi duty for the daughter and friends?  Bugger.

So after weeks of scouring adverts and going to look at things that I always want straight away and then change my mind after hours of deep thought later on do you know what I've settled on?  A Ford Fiesta.  Cheap to insure, cheap to run, it's practical enough for 99% of my day to day stuff.  It is a "nice" car.  Nice.  A nice car.  Fucking hell sometimes I hate me!

The Isle of Man Gets Another Mention At The Olympics

Olympic Diving Fail - watch more funny videos

Tact

I have none, fact.  Also, how the fuck did I manage to work in offices for 7+ years with so many bitchy 30/40 something women?  It is like being back in the playground and maybe it's just my older less tolerant self but I don't think I'd last a week in that sort of place any more.  How do you fellas do it?  If early retirement as a millionaire isn't motivation enough to pull my finger out I guess keeping me out of offices full of fucking idiots will do.

Why Lie?

There are probably times in life when things can be made a bit easier with a little lie, for example when the wife asks you anything...anything at all.  Dealing with a customer in your phone shop doesn't come across as one of those times so why does it seem that every time I have to deal with Manx Telecom they lie to me?

Manx Telecom are getting rid of the vast majority of their free Internet allowance on their mobile contracts (unless you buy a data add-on) so I decided to switch my contract to Sure, when I set off to do this at 10 this morning I assumed like a mental that I wasn't the first person to ever try and do this,  to be honest the service I got in Sure made it sound that way as well.  An hour tops she said, it took 45 minutes, with 1 stumbling block, my phone was network locked.

Bit of a bugger but nothing serious, 2 minutes later I was in the MT shop waiting to be served.  Happily enough I explained the problem.  The young lad told me I hadn't bought the phone from them because they don't lock them.  I explained again I had, 500 fucking quid, I remember it very well.  He denied it again.  Still in pleasant mode I explained I had bought it from them, I don't know where THEY bought it from but I'd definitely bought it from them.  So he eventually agreed to look, took the information he needed to get me an unlock code (if I had bought it from them) and disappeared out the back.  Another 2 minutes passed and he came back, admitted they had sold me the phone, it was an O2 phone and he had contacted them, took my details and said he'd phone me with the code within a couple of hours.  This is all very dull.  I was still very nice.  But he was lying.

6 hours later I have given up waiting and have just spent 20 minutes on the phone to Manx Telecom being passed from pillar to post.  If I have to explain to one more person that yes I bought my fucking phone from you and yes it is fucking locked I may go postal.  Eventually I speak to somebody who takes the time to look, no it wasn't an O2 phone, no they didn't phone them, no it won't take "about 2 hours".  The reality, I don't know where the hell Manx Telecom sourced my phone before selling it to me, nor do I give a shit.  They have e-mailed (excellent customer service right there) whoever it was and it may take a couple of days to get a response.  Frankly I was happy to have been told the truth, the SIM gets chucked in another phone for the time being, no biggy.  Isn't the truth great.

So why did that little sod lie in the first place?  What was the point?  I was being nice, I wasn't being shouty, all I wanted was my phone unlocking so I could use my new SIM in it.  They thought it shouldn't be locked, I thought it shouldn't be locked, get it unlocked and no harm done.  I hate this crap, there's just no need for it at all.  It makes me write really boring blog posts just to whinge about their shit customer service and that does nobody any favours, especially not on an island where you have no choice but to use Manx Telecom for some things.  

3 Things I Noticed This Week

1. England football fans are fucking idiots. They are acting all cool like they're not expecting much but then at the first sign that the team isn't a sack of wank* it's the usual "we're going to win it" shit. Football isn't coming home, 3 lions on your shirt mean fuck all when you fall over at the first sign of somebody invading your personal space and there is more pass and move in the local girls under 12 team.

2. Nobody in Europe likes the English. That is all.

3. Women and migraines. How come they never have a migraine when it's something they want to do? Oh no I'm sorry, I can't go out tonight drinking because I have a migraine, never heard it. Home early from work? You want to do what with that? Migraines ahoy. Also, men don't get migraines, we just have the odd headache, usually for a reason, that reason being something other than us having to do something we don't want to do.

*They must have been watching a different game to me, other than Ireland they are the worst team in the tournament by a long way.

Because Fat People Are Always Funny

Nearly £35k A Year To Move Bags

Holy Mother Fucking Shit. At least the Bus Drivers need to pocess "some" skill to earn their £40k.

1. I know time served, fully qualified, professional software developers who earn a lot lot less than this.

2. Don't even get me started on how this compares to what nurses earn, the world has gone mad.

3. This isn't anywhere near the limit of the cushy little government numbers on the go, somebody should ask how much you can make CLEANING the buses.

4. The sooner we escape this retarded little inbred shit hole island ran by union fucktards the better.

Bear Grylls Sacked

Good.

Survivorman is much better. For a start he only kills and eats stuff because he's hungry, not because he's some sort of twat that gets a kick out of trying to batter everything he comes across to death "for the viewers".

I Don't Know How Anybody Does It

I see they are wanting school kids to get into programming now? This isn't a bad idea, everybody claims to be a programmer these days yet how many actually know the core skills (we're not talking copy and paste from examples on the web here)?

But I do worry what they are letting themselves in for because maybe I'm just getting old but I've had my fill of it. Back in the good old days you could write a good program in say 6 months and then 3 years later it would still be a good program. For the past 5 or so years I've noticed that by the time I've finished something (using super new RAD tools, so a matter of weeks to finish a project) it is already out of date. 90% of stuff is now so reliant on the Internet and yet the Internet changes so much on a day to day basis that writing solid software is an almost impossible task, it's a major pain in the ass. We live in a world of constant updates, what the hell was ever wrong with if it's not broke don't fix it? Why can't we have good old protocols like SMTP, POP3, FTP any more? I wrote programs in 1997 around those and they still work great! However I've got software that I wrote in 2010 to take advantage of certain web services using SOAP and they might as well not exist. All it takes is some twat on the other side of the world to "update" something and all your work is for shit. Bastards.

Listen to me kids, forget computers, forget programming, do something real with your lives. Learn how to fix pipes, play with wires or build walls. This computer lark is just bullshit. Bring on the Zombie apocalypse.

I Reiterate - Cancer You Are A Cunt

It's Not All Doom And Gloom

If you look closely at those figures (taken from this years Budget Press meeting) what you'll see is massive growth in our economy in 2013-2014 and 2014-2015. Wow man, just look how those government income figures explode doing away with the need to pillage reserves! That sort of growth way outstrips anything we've seen for many a year on the island, I wonder where it's coming from? Or maybe, just maybe, somebody plucked a couple of numbers out of their ass and stuck it into a spreadsheet? Europe is predicted to still be in a mess going throuigh 2015, the UK is predicted to still be in a mess going through 2015 and yet the Isle of Man expects to see nearly a 12% growth in Government income in 2 years.

But if it's in an Excel spreadsheet it must be true.

In Job News

My daughter has managed to get a job. The interview was organised by the school and by all accounts it went very well, flawless in fact, an offer was made immediately so that's all good. She' hasn't told me when she is due to start..

Oh she's just telling me something.........

What do you fucking mean it wasn't a real interview and there was no job? What the fuck is a mock interview? Bastards.


(2 updates in 1 day, that should cover the posting quota for the first 6 months of this year, I can go back to being sick now)

Are Nurseries Important?

There's been a lot of understandable anger on the rock in the last 24 hours, news that government nurseries and pre-school facilities are to close has not gone down well! However for every angry mother there is somebody else who will tell you that they've not had access to those sort of facilities anyway because of the post code lottery and another who will tell you that "whatever else" is more important than pre-school.

I have a lot of friends who are going to be affected by this (the early 30 somethings, desperate for kid crew) and if you were having kids on the understanding that the facilities were going to be there it must be a hell of a shock when the announcement comes they are to close. I feel shit for them.

Trouble is you have to think of it in terms of the VAT thingy ma' jib. When the dust settles the island will have lost a 3rd of its income - A WHOLE FUCKING THIRD. Imagine in your house what would happen if you lost a third? Life's priorities would suddenly change to Rent/Mortgage,Food and Heat. That's it. There is no room for anything else, like to haves, luxuries etc - all gone. This is what the Isle of Man faces. This is the reality of the situation, bound to be made worse by todays budget, but what I can't understand is how they can still pay thousands of paper pushers way above the market rate (£24k+ for an un-skilled, GCSE C in English administrator..really?????), not contribute realistic amounts towards their own pensions and spend hundreds of thousands of pounds relaying some pavements, all in this reality? Lose some of the non-jobs, make the poeple who benefit from the pension pay for it and leave the pavements in the same shitty state we've had to put up with when the times were good for fucks sake! It's no wonder people get pissed off.

How can you ever expect people to understand that you're on the bones of your ass when you're walking around with an open wallet for your mates to pillage?

Edit - Lets add some number for fun, just so people can see how desperate a hole the Isle of Man is in.

Government wages = £270 million
Benefits = £250 million

Isle of Man Governments Total Income = Not a whole lot more than that

Or For Simple People

Give Me My Fucking Life Back

It's now more than 4 months since I felt an ever so slight twinge in my guts which has gone on to cause a whole fucktitude of problems. In those 4 months the very best I've felt is every so slightly better than utter shit. Christmas was a right off, New Year even more so. There have been times where I've been so creased in pain that I've just thought bollocks to the lot of it. My weight crashed by more than 2 stone, I'm weaker now than I have ever been.

My own doctor has been less than useless, cunt doesn't seem like a strong enough word, but given his name it'll have to do. I'm convinced he thinks I'm either after a sick note or imagining it. I didn't work a single day for 2 and a half months, I claimed fuck all, I never have, I never will. ALL I've wanted is to feel better. As for imagining it, I don't exactly fit into the hypocondriact bracket. I've put up with puking blood, dislocations, broken bones , without going near a doctor. Until this last 4 months I average a visit every 4 years. If I'm saying that this is hurting they I assure you it is fucking hurting.

But I decided against sitting on my arse waiting for Dr "If It's Not Cured With Pain Killers Then I Don't Give A Fuck" to do anything. I've contacted as many experts as possible, all have been helpful. I've gotten enough dietary advice and supplements to get me back eating again (soup and cereal was all I could keep down for more than 6 weeks) and I've even put on weight and am now holding steady. I'm still weak as a kitten, I can't do a single pull-up but...

Thanks to another experts "rough idea" diagnosis things are finally looking like there might be an end in sight. Typing this now I can't feel any pain around my lower back, nothing, my guts don't feel right but they don't feel anything like as wrong as they usually do. I went to the gym this morning and 1. wasn't sick 2. got the post exercise buzz. The last time I tried this in November I lasted 5 minutes and had to get a taxi home to bed.

Things aren't perfect, I still have a bastard lump where I shouldn't have, some numbness and a bit of pain plus it's only the first day I've felt even half right, but having some clue as to what is causing the problems at least lets me work on building up things around them. Either way it's got to be better than being told "I don't know" followed by a blank stare and then "bye" by your doctor. I wonder who do I write to to request a National Insurance refund?

Here We Go Again

Just Over A Week Ago - The Isle of Man Is A Lovely Place That Complies With Everybody

Today - We Piss Off More People With Our Taxes

Every-fucking thing we do over here to do with offshore finance, e-gaming, the shipping and aircraft registries, the captive market, it all relates to tax savings in one way or another, businesses and rich individuals DO NOT come here for the pleasant weather and friendly local work force. Until the fucking retards in charge (yeah we have new retards) realise this and learn to keep their/our heads down we're never going to be in the "clear". Pretending that we're best buddies with all these countries we have information exchange agreements with is just as big a "come and get us" flag as anything else.

In short, as long as the average wealth on the island is equal to or better than the UK then we're never going to get any peace, never. People need to stop pretending and accept it for what it is.

Barclays Are Still Useless

It's been a few years now since I stopped having anything to do with Barclays, it's nice to see that their standards haven't improved though and they are still the most useless fucking bank on the face of the planet.

The old man went in to shut his account last month, he's old so doesn't do things by e-mail or phone, he goes in person and speaks to bank staff like they are some sort of long lost friend. The "lovely" girl at Barclays told him it would be no problem and that his account was closed there and then...which he took at face value. Now 1 of 2 things should happen here:-

1. The remaining balance is transfered and the account is closed then and there (as said)

2. If there's a process to close the account everything stays as it is until the day the account is to be closed when a final balance transfer is processed

Not hard is it? Except what happened in this case was the remaining balance was transfered that day, the Barclays personal wanker says the account is closed, but in reality the account is left open with a zero balance. £2.60 to whoever can guess what happens next?

Just to prove that Barclays aren't the only usless bank on this very small island the IOM Bank haven't actually done all the direct debit transfers as they said. Of course the fall back on this is anybody trying to do a DD will have there request bounced cos the Barclays account is closed? If it's because they haven't processed the DD change form in time then GABOS on them, no doubt it would get sorted out along the line but like I said this hasn't happened.

Anyhoo, jump forward to today and what you see is direct debits coming out against the £0.00 balance STILL OPEN Barclays account and then a overdraft charge of £44 added on for good measure. You really are a bunch of useless twats of the highest order. So on seeing the statement I decide to question it, using the phone number given on the back of the statement, for enquiries. Nothing has changed at Barclays, nothing! I speak to somebody in their call centre who doesn't even want to know the account number, all he can repeat is it's not his fault and my old man will have to speak to the branch. No "I'll check the status of your account closure". No "Sorry about that, I'll make some enquiries". No fuck all. It's superb customer service.

So between 2 banks, they've both managed to do nothing of what they said they'd do, they've caused a lot of stress to an old man that's not long lost his wife and while they are it one of them has somehow managed to swindle £44 out of him for the pleasure. Take a fucking bow.

But It's Free?

I've been pretty sick lately, and by pretty I mean very and by lately I mean for 3 months. It's shit, the only thing shitter is the NHS and I wanted to rant long and hard about it...but fortuntaly for me somebody else who has just moved from Canada (Free health) to the US has summed it up for me already.

====

This may come as a shock to people living in Canada, but the medical service in the US is far superior to anything offered in Canada. When I take Sally to see a doctor in the US, I don’t have to wait. The appointment time is the actual time to see the doctor, not the time to wait in the waiting room. Test results are usually sent back the same day, and you can see a specialist without a referral.

Canadians will say their medical system is free and available to everyone. That’s only half true. The BC Medical Services Plan (MSP) isn’t free. You do have to pay for it if your family makes over $30,000 a year. If you make less than $22K a year, then it’s free. There is premium assistance between $22,001 to $30,000. The monthly premium rates are $60.50 for one person, $109.00 for a family of two and $121.00 for a family of three or more. You will have to pay out of your pocket for extended and dental coverage. I pay about the same in the US for my medical and dental as I do in the Canada, but the service is way better in the US.

The “universal” in universal medical a code word for, “hurry up and wait!” Yes, Canada’s universal medical system will pay for that MRI scan, if you’re willing to wait six months to a year. This is why you see so many Canadians going to the US for treatment but not a single American coming to Canada for treatment. Unless your case is considered life threatening, you will be waiting far longer than a patient in the US with private or company medical.

========

Now if you just replace Canada with the IOM you'll get the point. The 6 months is accurate as well. I REALLY hope the government enjoys giving all my NI money and most of my taxes to sponging twats why I get left to rot.

My Life Hits A New Low

Soya Milk... is there anything gayer in the world than milk that's not actually fucking milk? Next thing I'll be developing symptoms of hay-feaver or "allergies"...and at that point enough will be enough and Valhalla awaits.

When Blogs Vanish

What's happened to LC's blog, anybody know? My work from home life is so sad that keeping up with the few blogs I follow is actually seen as a highlight of the day.

And whilst I'm at it, Ben enable comments you cunt!

An Ode To Cancer

Cancer, you are a fucking cunt.

Why I Will Never Give My Credit Card Details To Microsoft Again As Long As There Is A Hole In My Ass

When you combine these bank transactions:-



with the fact my xbox live account is now in the name of somebody called Audrey from Russia who has managed to setup a Live profile without ANY valid information and associate it with my tag. Then when you add in the fact that those points were spent in Russia when every piece of information related to the original account (and the card used for it for fucks sake) specifies UK - all without anything being flagged at Xbox. Then you look a little closer and see that the points were used to buy games already played and completed with that account, and still nothing is flagged. Then when you add in that the password associated with the hacked account has only ever been used with that account, and that it wasn't even fucking changed as part of the hijack. Then just to top it off you have Microsoft denying that they have a security issue when the simplest check on Twitter shows this to be a little more than isloated:-

Xbox Live Accounts Hacked

And then you get to spend an hour racking up phone charges because they are experiencing high demand for support...which have nothing to do with the multitude of cunts who have gained access to other peoples accounts of course ;) At least Sony had the decency to admit there was a problem and turn off their system. Wonder when Xbox will do the same?

176-0

The number of comments posted on Facebook (from my friends) about the X-Factor vs the number of comments posted about the very recent general election. And people wonder why the place is going down the shitter.

I'm hardly an academic, nor bright for that matter but even I can work out that the X-Factor is nothing more than a circus freak show in order to separate as many people as possible from as many micro payments as possible over as long a time period as possible. It's laughing at mentals for entertainment and then paying through your phone bill for the pleasure.

Democracy

There have been quite a few polls done in Germany recently to try and ascertain what the general view is on Germany increasing its contribution to the European bail out fund. The average* result has been somewhere between 60% and 70% of Germans don't want to put more money in the pot to prop up corrupt bullshitting governments.

The vote in the German parliament was a slightly different matter:- 523 in favour, 85 against, 3 abstained

Remember that those people voting have been voted in to REPRESENT THE GERMAN PEOPLE in a democratic way. This is the democracy that everybody is so proud off and that Americans get so uppity about every time a country veers away from its path? Ask yourself who is answering to who?

And in related news it's election day on the Isle of Man, we stand on the edge of a cliff and the only thing stopping us falling is if people can be brave enough to vote for ideas and policies and not their "mate" or somebody whose helped a "mate". Basically we're screwed.

*from what I've seen

Working From Home Is Like Living In Space

....nobody can hear you scream!

And on that note I'm off to find something better to do today than looking at this stupid fucking screen.

Fat Bastard

As we get older we all like to think that were ageing well don't we? I know I do, for somebody in their 30's I'm no Ryan Giggs but I'm doing alright (I'm not chasing reality stars half my age like a dog with 2 dicks so I figure a little bit of slide is OK). I'm not a massive eater, or a big drinker, my body fat percentage is around the 17% mark, not great but good enough...and this is how I see myself...middle of the road.

It's amazing how what we perceive and what others see can be so different though. A bit like when you're looking at photographs and don't even recognise yourself, "Who the fuck is that mong?" It's not very often we get a totally unbiased view of what we're really like but today I got a beauty.

In the gym class and the instructor decides were going to do some intervals on a treadmill. She's looking at each of her budding students with a sincere intensity, determined to pick the level that she thinks will really push each and every one of us. It comes to my turn..."TEN!" Ten what? 10 kph, that's the running speed which she HONESTLY thinks is going to push me. 10kph for 30 seconds. To be fair at the time I didn't know if this was good or bad but during the warm-up I became obsessed with doing some mental arithmetic. Back in the day I'd do an average 200m in about 25-26 seconds but lets say I lope around in 30 seconds, we've got to allow for some ageing here. That means 400 metres in a minute (still slow) or 5 minutes to do 2000 metres. That's 12 kilometers in 30 minutes or 24kph. And the perception is I'll struggle at 10, remember it's only for 30 seconds. Really? Really fucking really? Do I really look that fat that people think I'm incapable of moving quicker than 10kph in short bursts? Fuck de fuckidy hell.

Anyway I did it, I set it at 10 and I ran. I say ran, it was more of a slouching shuffle, I was tempted to stick it up to 20 just to make the point, to who I'm not sure, but in the end I thought bollocks to it and ran at 10. But that's not the point, people think I'm fat! I'm off to eat a family sized fruit and nut then cry.

The Manx Economy - For Simple People

I've been doing everything I can to avoid the local media in the run up to the Manx general election, there's only so many regurgitated press releases I can take. But now it's started to find its way into the national press I have caught a few bits and pieces and it amazes me how little understanding there actually is of the current situation on the Isle of Man. Here's my simple guide for simple people...like me. Think of the island as a home:-

In the good old days our home had a family income of £30,000 a year, this was very good, our little family was very happy. Of this £30k we spent about £27k on living and the rest went into a savings account. Aren't we good?

Then the world changed, we all had to take a pay cut and the family income dropped from £30,000 a year to about £20,000 a year. Bad? Yes. But not the end of the world because we could tighten our belts, we could reduce that £27,000 that we spend and besides we had £40,000 in our savings account. No need to panic, or so you'd think?

However when the times were good we weren't spending our money on one off things, like a nice big TV :) Instead we decided to commit our self to long term payments, we hired a cook, a cleaner and a gardener, it's not like a house our size really needed them but hell the money was there so why not? They were our friends and they needed jobs. We put them on generous contracts content that the world would never change. Whilst we were at it we decided to have an extension built and borrowed the money to do this. A bigger mortgage, no problem for us because the world would never change? In the end when all was added up of that £27,000 we were spending each year almost all of it was monthly direct debits that we just can't get out of easily. We are committed. OK so we might be coming up short but we STILL have our savings of £40,000 to see us through the tough times, who knows, maybe we'll get a pay rise in the next few years? Maybe.

Except, and this is the real bugger, we might have £40,000 in our savings account now but we also owe £60,000 on our mortgage. We forgot about that, and the interest rate on our mortgage means that the amount we owe is getting bigger each year!

So what do we do? Do we sack our friends and not only risk upsetting them but also being taken to court? Do we go to our boss and ask for a pay rise, in a competitive market where other people are prepared to do our jobs for less than us? We might find ourselves getting let go? There is no easy answer, just a massive fucking mess. It's not that we didn't save money, it's that we spent too much and that's a really horrible habit to break.

Three Coats

How the fuck is it even possible for somebody who only goes out at most half a dozen times a year to lose THREE coats by the beginning of September?

Benidorm In 1 Sentence

A great beach but nights wrecked by endless pissed up British chav families taking turns singing either Amy Winehouse, Adele or Taylor Swift.

I don't mind pissed Karaoke but do you really need to entertain us with the 40th different rendition of "Someone Like You" in the last 3 hours? Oh and as good as you think your 5 year old daughter is at singing, is a fucking pub at 3 in the morning really the most appropriate time to show it off?

Jesus that was a struggle to write cos I actually like the place.

Hola!

I'm in Spain, it's very hot and all is well with the world!

The best thing about Spain though isn't the weather, or the way you can get away with living in a pair of shorts, or not shaving but fitting in, it's the don't give a shit attitude. Even though they are right at the heart of that whole EU thing that gets blamed every time the UK becomes even more of a boring shit hole they just don't give a flying fuck about anything. Smoking, drinking, road safety, who cares. As for copyright, what copyright? I've seen more latest release blockbusters in the past 10 days than I've seen in 5 years back home. I'll be buying the ones I liked on Bluray when they come out...strange how that works. If I'd already paid £8 to go to the cinema chances are I wouldn't be buying the £15 Bluray. Saturday I watched the 3pm Premier League games from a pub with full English commentary.

As well as dodgy movies and lazing around the pool it's been a great holiday all around, even the bits of work I've had to do isn't so bad when you can do it from a warm sunny balcony overlooking frolicking chicks in the pool, sure beats the hell out of being locked in a box room looking at a damp cold IOM. If only they didn't hate immigrants so much I could get used to this ;)

Regrets

I really REALLY should have said fuck it and went out in the boat today.

Sproston Green - When Music Was Good

I've been meaning to do a post of my favourite 10 songs of all time (mainly so I can put a marker down in history and then moan at myself 10 years down the line) but every time I start it I end up getting distracted (note to self, saving is your friend). Here's one from it anyway:-

Cock-knockers

This island is full of them, and sooner or later (sooner, much sooner) the "me,me me's" are going to fuck up this place so badly that all that will be left are a couple of thousand government workers demanding pay rises and more pensioners than you can throw a stick at. All clinging to a rock shouting and screaming about what they want from their friends who they've voted in again.

In the meantime I think I'm going to block all access to any sort of local news, if somebody could just give me a shove when it's all over I'd be grateful.

Reality Bites - VAT Black Hole

This was posted nearly 3 weeks ago....yet it's only today we'll hear any confirmation on it from our elected leaders. This is something that will affect the lives of every normal person living on the Isle of Man. By the time this is finished Public Sector salaries and the various state benefits will account for considerably more than 80% of the islands total income. You can't function like that, something will have to give and in a massive way.

Isle of Man In The Shit

There are so many problems that it's hard to know where to start. I suppose you can look at the local population and taxes, except that for normal people the island is not a low tax environment. When everything is taken into account we are not that much better off than most EU states or the UK for that matter. There is also the cost of living. For those of us born here we've been told to accept the ridiculous cost of living (don't get me started on that fucking rant) because it's balanced by taxes and ever so slighlty higher average earnings. Except the average earnings figures are skewed by an extremely generous public sector and those massive earners the government is so keen to attract. Outside of goverment most people are not earning £25k a year. How can you possibly increase taxes on those amounts by enough to even make a dent in that hole and still give people enough take home to live? It doesn't add up. How many normal working class people will want to stay here with such limited services and being taxed through the nose to pay for them?

The other side of the coin is that government cuts costs. Except that they have already proven themselves totally incapable of doing that (Much easier to fiddle the GDP figures). Right now, this very minute, there will be people sat in their government offices reading magazines, playing solitaire or even better sat staring into space who will expect a pay rise. They will moan about how hard they have it. I know this for a fact because I spent a couple of years amongst them before I was driven to the brink of insanity. They have done this for years and they will do it till they retire. This is their right, along with a generous pension and job for life. The bill for this is around 320 million pounds a year...and it only ever gets bigger. We also have an amazing benefits system, even in the worst of times there is always more money for those on a fixed income. Yes, as if the majority of people working don't get a fixed amount each week/month. So you've got the untouchables of salaries and benefits, what's left? That's just it, not a lot. Not enough to run a country, never mind provide what tax payers want for their money.

I'm no expert but I reckon we're screwed this time. We've obligated ourselves to the millionaires lifestyle on the income of a Government EO. A good salary all the same but it doesn't buy a Ferrari.

"Treasury Minister Anne Craine is due to make a statement about the VAT revenue sharing agreement with the United Kingdom, with speculation the changes could eventually cost the Island another £75 million a year.

At the same time government departments will ask the court to approve £5 million in spending.

...while North Douglas MHK Bill Henderson will continue his campaign over the loss of jobs on the Island's railways. (5 jobs to be exact, out of a workforce of 8000)"" - From Manx Radio

Sharktopus

I was out fishing yesterday and caught an Octopus and a Shark (technically a fucking huge Tope, but still a shark). The not very friendly tope didn't hang around for pitcures when I finally (30 minutes later) got him to the surface however I have got a video of the Octopus and was going to Youtube it, then apathy kicked in and I couldn't be arsed. That is all.

Update:- Beats doing some work I suppose.

A Week In The Life

Monday 27th June

I was up very early to catch the tides and have a play with my new metal detector. It wasn't a warm day and it was also very windy but it was all made worthwhile when I found my first thing that couldn't be described as modern rubbish. It's made of brass, it looks like it's been shot but I have no idea what the hell it is? It does have some writing engraved into it but so far I can't read it:-

Tuesday

Tuesday was stinking hot. I made it to my gym class in the morning but instead of working during the afternoon I decided to get myself a day license for the reservoirs. I caught this:-





Well actually 2 of them but I always like to put the first fish of the day back. I uspet a lot of fly fishermen who looked like they'd been there for the day. Between the six of them I didn't see anybody catch anything. For £15 I want something for the pot. Tuesday night the girls arrived back on the island after their dancing comp.

Wednesday

Work day. I worked from about 8am till sometime around 9pm

Thursday

Gym until mid morning and then some hardcore work for the rest of the day. I managed to get something working just right for 3-4 hours which brought in a tasty $700.

Friday

Housework. Daughter is having a sleepover on the Saturday and I had plans so that meant any cleaning had to be brought forward. The joy of having both of us working full time is that housework only tends to get done on a needs must basis. In this case it meant a full day of cleaning for me. At least it was appreciated which makes it all worthwhile.

Saturday

Boat day. Me and Mrs B ventured out for the day on the boat (the wifes first trip of the year). Within 20 minutes she'd managed to catch this:-



Which is frankly the biggest fish I've seen landed in a long time. For somebody who had never even used that type of rod and reel before Mrs B did amazingly well to even get the thing to the surface, never mind in the boat. We caught lots more but all were put back. Saturday night I watched the Haye vs Klitchsko fight in 3D. Well I say in 3D, the wife complained so much that it ended up being mostly 2D. There was the sleepover which all went to plan and we were so knackered that nothing was going to keep us awake.

Sunday

Another boat day for me whilst the girls went of to the Tynwald Garden Party - obviously I wasn't invited. The weather forecast was completely wrong and what should have been a lovely day was in fact a pile of crap, something which only really occured when I was about 12 miles from home. It was a very bumpy trip back. Chinese for tea and I slept the sleep of a thousands sleeps. I was dead on my feet by 10 o'clock.

Monday

Work, lots of it. Then the reality that the weather has been given to change tomorrow and our hedge desperately needs cutting. At about 4 in the afternoon I whip out the hedgecutter and ladder and set about it. Just as I'm finished something goes quite badly wrong. The ladder flips leaving me flying through the air with a hedge cutter dangling between my legs! Before I can stop it, it has banged of my foot (thankyou toe caps) and gone straight through the mains cable fully accompanied by a lot of smoke and sparks. I end up flat on my back with a hedge cutter resting on my leg and a live cable draped across me. The reality of the situation kicks in and I move very slowly. I don't suppose there's ever a good time to snuff it but as far as weeks go that one takes some beating.



Of course if I die at the end of this week where I have nothing planned but mountains of work I'll be pretty pissed off.

To Wash or Not to Wash!

Do you remember the old days? You went out for a couple of hours drinking and as soon as you got home all your clothes went in the wash basket as they stunk of cigarettes and “Pub”.

But what is the etiquette now? I had 3 hours in the Pub last night, but as no one smokes, are my clothes ready for the wash or do they see another day of wear?

Metal Detecting

The Beach Detecting Dream

The Reality

You spend 4 hours walking up and down a wind swept beach digging up every tin can that's been dropped in the last 5 years. Then just to add to the joy you discover that every other rock on the beach is actually fucking ferrous, of course you don't realise the full magnitude of this until you've dug up your third boulder and broke your spade. Plus my right arm feels like it's going to drop off and my feet are piss wet through.

But I can think of much worse ways of spending a sunny Thursday morning :)

Update:- I've just found out I spent 4 hours on the wrong beach! Talk about all the gear with no idea. It takes a very special person to mix up 2 of our lovely Manx Glens in such a fucked up way.

Manx Ass Syndrome

You're probably wondering what Manx Ass Syndrome is? It's something that afflicts ladies of a certain age who live on the Isle of Man, ladies who should be in the prime of their lives and at their hottest. Somehow and for a reason that science has failed to diagnose (although the diet of chips cheese and gravy, lager and counting Facebook as a sport, may have something to do with it) they develop a massive fat ass. Some are immune, mainly it seems those from Eastern European descent, it must be in the genes, but for most of the women living on the rock Manx Ass is an inevitable reality. Damn you nature.

As a man you expect there to be certain places that you can go for a break from Manx Ass, like a gym for example. Imagine my shock this morning then when one of the newer personal trainers appeared with what can only be described as muffin chub peaking over the top of her lycras! A personal trainer FFS! It looked like she'd hoiked her ass up over the top of her pants, cunning perhaps but not enough to fool somebody who has grown up surrounded by Manx Ass. If personal trainers aren't safe then who is?!

I can only hope that medical science advances at a pace that those of the next generation aren't going to have to put up with this, cancer, aids (the bad type) are nasty, but there are things much much worse out there.

Wipeout HD

Some might say that I'm not really Sony's biggest fan, especially when it comes to the Playstation. When the first one came out I bought a Nintendo 64, when the PS2 came out I bought an X-Box, when the PS3 was released I was far more interested in the X-Box 360. I did get a PS3 but after about a week gave up on the games and only used it for Blurays. My problems with the Playstation were always quite simple, the controller was never designed for western hands and the games were always way over rated. There was nothing on the PS1 that could come close to Ocarina of Time, nothing on the PS2 that could touch Halo and as for the PS3, when you compare the same game between that and the 360 I've never seen a game that plays better (it's a personal choice) on the PS3. Even the Sony exclusives were hyped beyond death by Sony fanboys and whenever I bought them it would end in disapointment (Gran Tourismo 5 - OK'ish, Little Big Planet - shite, Killzone 2 - the only game I've ever smashed up and thrown in the bin).

Keep all that in mind then when I say that Wipeout HD is one of the most enjoyable 20-30 minute blasts of a game I think I've ever played in my life. Everything about it works perfectly, the generous controls, the crisp visuals, the lack of bugs and a soundtrack that whilst not my thing fits perfectly with the game. It's fucking brilliant. And even better Sony are giving it away for free, it's one of the 5 games you get to pick from as part of the Sony sorry package. But there's even one more Brucie Bonus, if' you've got a 3D TV and update to the latest patch then it's also a full on 3D game and it works a damn sight better that GT5 or even CoD Black Ops. It's the best 3D game I've played to date. You can't beat free, unless it's free 3D.

Irony

People on Manx Forums moaning about how the outside world may judge the island because of the TT. That will be the same TT that the island is most famous for (not some shitty Government statistic, I travel a lot and generally it's the only thing people know about the island* when I mention where I come from) and contributes a massive wedge of cash to the pot?

The contribution of Manx Forums to the island? To paint us as a bunch of inbred, wannabe know it all, Grade A fucking idiots, with a collection of about 40 brain cells to share between the lot of us.

When it comes to the TT I'm a neutral, I undertsand it's an important part of life on the island and I like the extra activity going on around the place but on the flip side I could happily live without it. I'm not fussed. As for Manx Forums, I'd be more than happy to see them banned.

* From tour guides in Turkey to sign painters from Alaska.

It's The TT

I think that just about covers our required quota, if you're on the Isle of Man or have a website connected with the Isle of Man and don't mention the TT then you're just not with it. This is our contribution to this years media fest.

In other news, my head still hurts. At what point does a hangover stop being a hangover, instead becoming some sort of brain mentalism? 8 days has got to be some sort of record.

ps You can catch live TT timings and a live radio stream by following the links.

My Head Hurts

Once I'd took the decision to go out and watch the Champions League final on Saturday it was never going to end well. I was either going to be celebrating or drowning my sorrows (the latter as it turned out) and the result would be messy. How messy is hard to put into words because there are far too many blanks, including the hour where I seemed to teleport 12 miles across the island. I literally don't have the first fucking clue how I managed to turn up at my front door. At least this time I managed to remember that I live in Douglas and didn't try to go back to my old house (circa 2001).

This would all be good fun except that it's now Tuesday and my head still feels like it's stuck in a vice and my guts are doing their best impression of the magical shitting monster. If I had a job to go to this would be bad, as it is it just means I slob around earning bugger all and feeling sorry for myself. Well normally it would. However, because the wife is off work sick I have to look like I'm being productive, this means some old school waste your day web surfing which turfs up the odd video gem like this one:-

My New Favourite Thing To Hate

Women (it's always women) who insist on calling people honey when commenting on a blog. Why do it? Isn't honey something that should be saved for your nearest and dearest? Or at the very least people you actually bloody know?

Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

More Ying And Yang

The ace thing about being one of the first people to sign up with Gmail is that I got my firstname.surname@gmail.com e-mail address. This is cool and makes giving out my address really easy. If I was single I'm sure I could impress loads of hot chicks at the bar by dropping my super sweet GMail address.

On the negative side, now that GMail has grown into a behemoth it seems that at least half of the people in the world who share my name are giving out my e-mail address as their bastard contact address. Word of mouth I could understand, but just how stupid do you have to be to put a wrong e-mail address on your CV or a job application?

Is there any etiquette you are supposed to follow for this kind of thing, or maybe a standard reply for when you're answering somebody elses e-mail for the 4th time today?

Diet Coke Mentos Goes Wrong

I nearly fell of my chair laughing.

Cuts And Beds

Definitely Cut
X-Box Live Gold Membership
LoveFilm Account
Weekly Takeaway
Having The Fucking Heating On In May

On The Chopping Block
Gym Membership
Boat Insurance
Window Cleaner

We need a new bed (well mattress really but if you're going to buy a mattress you may as well get a whole new bed? Chick logic.), what age is it acceptable to start thinking about one of those memory foam jobbies? 60, 65? I'm just looking for some ammunition for when the topic is raised. :)

Fool Proof Way Of Cutting Your Tax Bill

Taxes...boo. However I've found an absolutely fool proof way of cutting down how much tax you pay. It's not illegal, you'll not get in to any trouble and what's more you can start saving next month. How? All you need to do is cut down how much you're paid.

I've seen my income slashed by about 70% in the last month (fuck you pay freeze whingers) and I can tell you for a fact the amount of tax I'll be paying into the pot is going to be way less this year. In fact if I can just fuck up my business that tiny little bit more the government will start giving me money instead! Sweet.

And some people call me negative.

It's Like One of Those Random Facebook Updates

You know the ones, where people rant in a general way without mentioning anything even remotely specific but you can tell that they are pissed off about something, or maybe just lacking attention for a while so they feel the need to update with something/anything. Then everybody fakes interest with "What's up?" and stuff like that in the vain hope of getting the goss about what's going on.

As this stopped being somewhere I could really let rip a long while back please see this post as similar to one of those. I'll save the real fucking unleash for face to face up close and personal, it's so much more fun that way.

How Do You Spell Police Corruption?

Something Anybody Who Has Been On This Rock For A Little While Knows All About Yet What Is Never Spoken About

Fuck You Sony

I'd like to take a few minutes out of my extremely busy post holiday work schedule to bring you this important message - FUCK YOU SONY.

Thank you very much for being the bunch of useless cunts you are, how about you just stick to making your toy consoles for kids from now on and leave networks and all that nasty complicated stuff to the grown ups. Cunts.

(Credit Card Cancelled)

Gods Waiting Room

Just back from taking the girls away on a cruise, it was equal measures of joy, agony, anger and fucking stupidity. The joy being the places we visited, the agony being never ending queues (go figure when you travel with over 3000 other people..doh!!), the anger aimed at some of the other passengers and their amazing attitudes towards people who at the end of the day are just doing their jobs and finally the fucking stupidity of having a good old London "boozer" onboard that decided to have a lounge music act insead of showing the second leg from the Man United Chelsea champions league quarter final. When there were 4 other lounge music venues that night. Cunts.

Child friendly - Yes.
Old person friendly - Yes.
Parents of Child, friendly - Abso-fucking-lutely not.

Male Grooming Products

It was on the news today that P&G are trialling male only isles for grooming products because some men are embarrassed about buying from an isle that includes ladies beauty products. I don't know where they are shopping but I've never noticed my razors and shaving foam being mixed in with ladies stuff? Male deodorants have their own section, there isn't anything else is there?

I can only imagine the type of bummer products these so called men are buying but if they're looking for moisturisers and face packs then where it is in the shop should be the least of their embarrassments!

True Story

I was working in this really shitty, boring, barely more than minimum wage office job once when it quickly became fairly obvious that the facilities weren't exactly up to much. The lighting was crap for computer work, the computers were crap for computer work but worst of all the chairs were falling apart. They literally had their backs hanging off (you could spin them 360 degrees) and no arm/side supports. Within that month my back was just getting worse and worse.

I did raise it as a problem with management (and in fact swapped my better chair with somebody who was suffering more from theirs) but when there's no money there's no money. Tough shit, what you gonna do? Of course at this point I could have went to the doctors and got signed off but instead I thought it would be much easier (not to mention better for my long term health) to just go and buy one for £60. Worked a treat.

6 months later I left because of the lighting affecting my eyes, I draw the line at paying for that. I had no job to go to but I'd rather be unemployed and skint than risk long term eye problems. It was my personal choice to be there and when I decided enough was enough I was free to move on. I did leave them my nice chair. The point? I'm so fucking glad we live in a country where people are free to come and go as they like, there are so many places in the world where you can't just say "fuck this for a laugh I'll do something else". Yet so many people with this freedom shy away from using it opting for the bitching, whinging, somebody else is to blame approach instead.

Cost Of Living

I'm feeling inspired by this post and this comment in particular "also - your electricity and gas figure looks very high." (I've just paid our gas and electricity bills)

So here is our monthly figures for roughly the equivalent:-

Rent/Mortgage: 470*
Electricity and Gas: 214
Water: 22.50
TV and Broadband (inc Telephone): 97
Council Tax/Rates: 45
Contents Insurance: 5
TV Licence: 12**
Train to work: 0
Car Insurance: 20
Car Tax: 26
MOT: 0
Mobile: 35
Petrol: 50
Union: 0

* Our mortgage is so low because it's nearly paid off. The average house price over here is still around £210000 with the average mortgage around 150,000+ A 1 bedroom flat will cost you £500+ a month rent
** Think, can't actually remember how much the license is, is it still about £145?

This is of course between 2 people in our ickle first time buyer house and there's probably loads of stuff I've forgot. I think it's enough to get the gist about just how expensive your basic heat and water services are living on this rock though? I'm definitely being conservative with the petrol figure as well. Add on your basic food stuffs like a loaf of bread costing £1.30+ and milk at close to 60p a pint and all of a sudden the true cost of "low tax" becomes apparent.

These are just our figures and I'm tight as a ducks ass under water. I'd hate to think what the other lads spend with their glorified mansions (some even have 2 toilets!)

Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby

Spent most of the weekend looking at this little face.



Not a bad way to spend the weekend then :)

Babies

They cry a lot don't they?

Old and Knackered

I'm pretty fit at the moment; I work out most days. My weight is down and I eat pretty healthily. I don't drink, smoke or dress up as a lady (any more).

So why-oh-why do I wake up feeling absolutely knackered every single day with aches and pains from my shins to my asshole to my brain?

Oh yeah - coz I'm old.

Is this all I have to look forward to? Feeling progressively more like shit until eventually one of those pains is the one that kills me?

God is a wanker.

Thank feck for the Japanese Tsunami

Really.

All the media had to talk about was the Libya 'crises' - as if we all ever gave a crap. The whole of the middle east is going through unrest - and Libya are having a civil war at the moment. Good for them - but really, talk about the No-Fly zones to protect the innocent civilians? What cobblers. Impractical and unworthy. So a couple of BBC journalists get threatened - idiots. And the media keep asking Politicians 'how are we able to stand by while innocent people get attacked'? Two words. Lockerbie Bomber.

So now the dreadful scenes of carnage and devastation and live footage of cars getting swamped by the Tsunami wave have saved us from the incessant hyped frenzy of media driven outrage over Libya. The media were literally egging us on to War. Like the gobby schoolkid on the outskirts of the playground, taunting the bigger kid to hit the little kid.

Fuck em all.

I was stood in the carpark at Tokyo Disneyland - where it's now all under water. And the horrifying scenes of the wave, sluggish and relentless, and seeing the people (often unaware on the other side of buildings) amble about. First they witness, then they run. Very scary.