Booze Commando’s

The biggest ever scam, and adventure I have had the honour to be apart of.

It all started innocuous enough, just another day squatting in Crewe. Just waiting to sign on and then get down the Gym. Ady & I had spent a tiring year travelling the world and were taking some time out in Crewe, and enjoying the Roller Coaster Soap Opera like quality of life in the shadow of by my younger brother.

We were sat round just watching TV when Little Bro suddenly jumped up.

“Did you see that?” he shouts.

As it was the adverts, Ady & I weren’t really paying attention to the TV.

“On that ASDA advert, they said that if you can buy our Beer cheaper anywhere else, you get your money back and keep the Beer”.

So Little Bro is straight on the phone to ASDA’s head office to confirm the details, and made the woman on the other end repeat it two or three times that you get to keep the beer and the money….

Next thing Ady & I know, we are in the pickup and off to collect Little Bro’s partner in crime. After a quick stop at the cash point, we arrive at the Superstore Park on the other side of the road, with £2500 in cash.

We all file into ASDA and write down the cost of all the beers. We then walk next door to ALDI and look at their prices, where there was a cheaper difference we bought one.

So for example a pack of 12 cans of Guinness in ASDA was £10 and in ALDI in was £9.99, or Hooch was £1.50 a bottle in ASDA and only £1.45 in ALDI, so we also bought one bottle of hooch.

Once we had one unit of each of the cheaper stuff we threw them in the pickup and marched next door with the receipts.

We then grabbed two shopping trolley’s each and headed for the Alcohol section, and proceeded to clear the shelves of all the “dearer” booze.

Then the 4 of us rolled our 8 shopping trolley’s pilled high with Guinness, Hooch, Bitter, Larger etc to the tills and paid for them in cash.

At this point we had quite a following.

Once we had paid, which came to somewhere near the £2500 mark, we went straight to the customer service desk (approximately 10 steps away) and explained our situation to the Manager.

Excuse me love, we have just purchased this Alcohol and have suddenly realised that it is cheaper elsewhere, according to your advert we would like our money back, and to keep the beer, here is proof that it is cheaper elsewhere (showing her the till receipt from the ALDI next door).

Well, the look on her face. To cut a long story short, after 20 mins on the phone to head office, we accepted our Money back and loaded up the Pickup with £2500 worth of FREE booze.

We said we’ll be back in an hour, could you please stack the shelves back up, as we had cleared them out.

True to our word, we were back and did the exact same.

We then went to 3 more ASDA’s within a 30 mile radius.

At this point, ASDA had turned the corporate wheels, and limited the amount to £50 per customer.

And that is where the story should end….

However, we are talking Little Bro here.

So once our source of limitless free booze was cut off, he thought of one last thing to twist every last drop of entertainment out the current adventure.

We would sell our story to the press.

We then spent a wonderful afternoon in Manchester going round the National Papers to see who would pay the most for our story.

The New of the World won and off we went to take pictures of the Beer etc… At this point, we had a Garage full and we had removed all the furniture out of our living room and were sitting on chairs made from cans and cans of beer. It was bliss…

We also managed to sell the story to the Sunday Sport, but had to change it slightly as the News of the World had paid for an exclusive.

Finally we also ended up on the front page of the local newspaper, the Manx Independent.

And we all lived happily ever after.

The End.