Cow eyes over a gate...

Like all guys (apart from the ho-eys) my late teens/early 20s were spent in the pursuit of women. I loved women and wanted women to love me in return.

I bought expensive clothes.
I bought expensive aftershave.
I made sure I could dance (full length mirrors rule!!).
I brushed my teeth an awful lot.
I learned the lyrics to all the Madonna songs.

You see, we guys like to give courting our best shot.

Then, on one occasion, a very attractive (but older) lady commented that I had lovely big eyes. I think I was about 12 at the time but her compliment stuck. This would be my killer weapon!!!

So, from then on, when out on the hunt I would make sure that I kept my eyes wide and always made eye contact with the honeys. I did this for years but with remarkably little success. My "lovely big eyes" didn't seem to be working.

Then, late one night in a local nightspot, I was coming down the stairs and I spotted a couple of hotties heading my way. I vaguely knew these chickies and decided to make my usual ocular impact. I made sure my eyelids were fully open, exposing my killer pupils, smiled and said "hi!".

As they passed by, I heard one girl say "Looks like Michael is totally spaced out of his head!" to which her friend replied "he always is".

I squint a lot more now.